People are so ignorant of the truth.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by silver76, Jun 3, 2008.

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  1. silver76

    silver76 Active Member

    It's true. My co-workers, hell my wife, have no clue as to who i am. How i feel. What crazy, semi-lunitic thoughts run through the dark recesses of my mind. Many times i have thought, "Am i a serial killer waiting to happen", am i that crazy guy who offs himself so everyone can see. Am I the one who makes everyone lose there lunch with the attrocities they commit on others.

    As of yet no. The thoughts that run through my mind, are typically reserved to damage to myself. I have had times when others enter my strange and dark realm. They don't like what they see. I have learned to mask my more sinister qualities very well. I look happy. I look very well adjusted, with just enough problems to look normal. Funny thought, I was watching Dexter, and noticed that nothing about it shocked me. That he was very similiar to the way I feel, act, and do things.

    While the idea of death is not shocking to me, or in the least bit unpleasant. The work itself is a turn off. I don't like the idea of all the blood and clean up. Aside from the fact that it is pointless to harm others. The world will do that for them. The whole idea of individuality. Singular achievement. The humans self imposed importantness, is obsurd. We believe that we have our own thoughts, but we don't. Most believe and think the way the media wants them too. Who's hot and who's not. What is the hot topic of the day?. Global warming, hah, that's a joke. When we mess up enough as a species the planet slough us off.

    There is no meaning to us being here. Don't try and make one. I really want to just end it. That is the only thing that you could do that would matter. Killing others doesn't matter, that's going to happpen anyway. Chosing when and where your own death will take place is all that would matter.

    Thanks for listening to the ranting or a madman.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We are all a bit mad...a bit sad...and sometimes, is our place to find a voice, to tell someone, as you did in this post...please PM me if I can be there for you ....all the best, J
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    I always enjoy hearing other people's rantings. Makes me realize I'm not the only one.

    Just one comment from your last paragraph. There really is meaning to us being here. The challenge is to discover that meaning and put it to use in helping ourselves.

    Having meaning doesn't rule out the possibility that we want to die. Meaning can only do as much for us and the world as we let it, and it's hard to do that when you're so closed in with depression and whatever else.

    Madman is welcome to rant anytime.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Going through life without a meaning or purpose can be freeing I think.
    I used to go through life trying to take on everyone else's meaning or find purpose in places there was none, and when I realized that I became more free, and depression faded a little.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think you should talk to your wife about some of the things on your mind silver.
  6. zRichi

    zRichi Member

    dude, I totally feel ya,

    I managed to read american psycho and felt absolutely nothing when Brett easton ellis described cutting off a womans head, removing the jaw and fucking the skull.

    I just feel so completely disconnected that nothing shocks me and I also feel that in another life, had I been pushed too far, I would've easily been a serial killer. The thing with depression for men, is that it eventually leaves you nothing but searching for that unattainable kick. Some go for drugs and alcohol and others go for violence. For the sake of the sanctity of human life I sincerely hope you try to reconnect a little. Maybe you could do some charity. Not only will you being doing the world some good but you'll get to meet some incredibly caring people. You'll soon see theres a few caring people left and not just corporate arseholes left occupying the world.
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