I've been flirting with suicidal thoughts since last Christmas (2007). I've been taking Remeron for anxiety for about 5 years now, and I've been taking Zoloft since February. I'm not planning to act on any of my suicidal thoughts, at least at the moment. I'm very precise and methodical, so I don't think I would get a second chance if I did try. I don't deal well with people. I have very successfully isolated myself, and I have no idea how to undo that. My pseudo-girlfriend was pretty much my last supporter, and she gave me a panic attack last night [I had tried talking to her about my first panic attack last night and she got pissed off at me], so I don't suppose I'm going to be able to deal with her any further. All of my other friends were cut out of my life long ago. I'm dealing with a counsellor through my university at the moment, but I can't go through with this. I am considering dropping out of counselling by just not going and cutting off all communication. I've done this before in counselling and in a variety of other relationships. Most counselling that I've done has been to try and get me more social, and that's the main topic this time around. Whenever you tell a counsellor or doctor or psychiatrist that you're having suicidal thoughts, they will advise you to call a suicide help line if I'm worried I might go through with it. I don't quite understand that. The last thing I want to do when I'm feeling suicidal is to talk to another human being. I'm more comfortable with Internet forums, so I'm here. Professionally, I'm thrilled with the future. I'm currently in mechanical engineering, but I'm transferring to prosthetics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosthetics) and orthotics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthotics), and that's about the most fascinating thing I've ever encountered. It thrills me, even now, to learn about biomechanics. Personally, though, I can't deal with people, and I don't believe I'll ever be happy, outside of work, as a result. I don't know what else to say here. I'm not quite sure why I'm here to begin with.