People Don't Understand

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by emotional_girl, May 29, 2011.

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  1. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Have any of u noticed that even with all the information we have today about depression being an actual disease that people still don't understand and expect us to just "get ove it"?
    My husband is just one example. He doesn't want me to go to counseling or take anti-depressants. I was on anti-depressants awhile back (not because my husbans agreed to it, but because I happened to be going through a real bad bout of depression one day while I was at the doctor for something else and started crying while the nurse was asking me question. She was very kind and loving toward me and told me that I don't have to keep feeling like that ; there were medications I could take and asked if I would like that; I told her yes and she told the doctor to prescribe one for me.) After I'd been taking it a few months, I guess it was costing too much even with the insurance so my husband told me to stop taking it. I figured, it wasn't working anyway, so I did. I've had people tell me I need to go back to the doctor and see if I can get him to prescribe me another kind, until we get something that works for me, but my husband doesn't want me to. He doesn't want me to go to counseling either. He's one of those who think I should just be able to get over it.
    I'm not just picking on him thought. I was using him as an example. There are still a lot of people these days who don't understand. I would think that with all the information available these days about depression, people would be more understanding about it.
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    You're right, and it's frustrating when you're trying to get help. It's like this:

    Depressed? "Well... I'll tell you what I do. Listen here. Hey! I put those thoughts right out of my head and I do something happy and happy happens and everything is right with the world and I don't feel bad anymore. You should do that too. All you have to do to be happy is be happy".

    Insomnia? "Just go to bed earlier, silly! How hard is that? You're just lazy. You're not trying hard enough."

  3. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    Oh yes you are so right ! so many people think we are highly strung or we should cheer up ! If you are depressed and need treatment then you do need to go back to your doc xx
  4. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Harrachos: I know, right! People think u can just make urself be happy..."just think happy thoughts & u will be happy! Happiness is just a state of mind! Don't worry, be happy!"...and they make it sound so easy, but if I could force myself to be happy, I wouldn't be this dang depressed! I'm so glad I found a place where people understand me!

    Shadowgirl: I can't convince my husband that I need the anti-depressants. But I'll be out of blood pressure med. soon & have to go back to the doc, maybe then the doc will talk to my husband & help him understand. My husband loves me & I think if he understood how important the med. is to me, he would want me to have it, he just doesn't understand.
  5. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    It's like me and my voices when I wasn't medicated. They would sing like a heavenly choir, so I was deluded all the time, and hallucinating and everything. I was even a bigamist, and had two wives, was looking for a third.

    I am ill. I have something called schizoaffective disorder. I can't just get over it, anymore than you can do with your depression. It's chemical. And copays are cheap. Most it costs is 15 bucks.

    I hate it when my parents tell me to get over it, because they see me taking so much medication just to minimally function with reduced voices (now they are violent), that they just want me to stop.
  6. OrganicPsycho

    OrganicPsycho Member

    Lordy I know that feeling...I was talking to two people but they got sick of me and were pretty much like 'Just get over it, go outside, be happy'. E.t.c. worse yet one of them told me she had suffered depression when she was younger...clearly not if that's the way she acted
    No...I can't magically 'be happy' and no, it will not go away's here and it hurts and I'm trying...

    I wanna go on antidepressants soon but it doesn't change the fact my life won't get better overnight like people probably expect it will. And even then having it has caused damage that I might never be able to repair...
  7. kreative1

    kreative1 Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about what any1 says, end of the day you need to look after yourself first. Depression isn't a basic mood change, you don't just get over it, no matter what good happens in your life, depression is with you, you and you only can start the positive process to recovery. Medication alone doesn't cure depression, yes, you take meds, no, depression and it's causes don't vanish, it's like taking a pain killer, the pain is numbed, but the causes are still there. Sadly very few people no matter how close to you they are understand what you feeling/going through. Educate your husband with infomation on depression and let it out what you feeling. Don't be angry that someone doesn't understand, many people feel embrassed to know a depressed person due to the negative stigma the illness carries, but doesn't mean they don't care.
  8. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    It didn't occur to me that my husband might feel embarrassed to be associated with someone labeled as "depressed", but yes...that makes sense. However, think about embarrassed is he going to be when I kill myself? That is inevitably what will happen if I continue to feel this way. I'm feeling more and more like I can't handle life anymore.
    I have talked to him about depression and how serious it is and that it is an actual disease and not something that I can just get over and he seems to understand that. In fact, when we talked about me not being motivated to do anything, not even housework beyond the basic dishes, laundry, etc., his words were, "But that's part of the depression." So, he understands it. So I'm thinking more and more that it all comes down to money. Counseling and medication both cost money, money that we can't really afford to spend. I notice that he doesn't think twice about getting my blood pressure med and taking me to the doctor for that, but not the depression.
    Thanks for all of your kind and informative words.
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It is hard when people don't understand. I think it's because the name covers a short term state of mind and a disease of the brain. We have a disease of the brain and I think another name may be in order.

    The people who don't understand I call the public at large. I'm willing to be open with them to share facts with them and their ideas for solutions I chalk up to ignorance and I go my way and leave their comments behind.

    It is harder when close family presents barriers to treatment. I think if your doctor discusses it with him, he will have a confirmation of your situation. I think this is needed because the depth of depression and that it doesn't go away just is not understood by someone who doesn't have it.

    I hope everything works out for you.
  10. echo_bravo

    echo_bravo Member

    I wish I didn't completely agree with your feelings and experiences. I wish people understood what a toll it takes to be depressed and how horrible and constant it feels, but they really don't do they?

    I think even people who are in the field of psychology don't fully understand depression. I've been to quite a few therapists and only one of them really understood what I was going through. I actually had one that told me all I needed to do was lose weight and date more. A lot of others have told me the only way I will feel better is with antidepressants. I have taken quite a few of them and although some did help me, they made me feel like I wasn't myself anymore. I definitely think that if you're feeling depressed there is no substitute for help and if antidepressants can help you, no one should stand in your way, even the people you love, because ultimately you're counting on the fact that they love you too, and they will want you to be better.

    When I was first feeling severely depressed and a little suicidal I told myself that I was just being weak. I didn't tell anyone because I thought they would think less of me, that I was using an 'excuse' like depression when really I was just weak and lazy, but I am not weak and depression is not an excuse. I know that now.

    I have been blessed with a caring best friend, and although she is a naturally happy person and has no idea what it is like to be sad or depressed, she does her best to be supportive and sympathetic, which is really all you can hope for in the end.

    Keep trying to educate your loved ones on you own until they figure it out. It takes a lot of will power to stay ignorant forever. Sooner or later people will start to figure it out and be more helpful and supportive. Until then, we've just got to stick together and keep trying I guess.
  11. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Chargette.
  12. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member

    I also know xactly how you feel. Unfortunately ive had to stop contact with my best friend as she has been so unreasonable about my illness and even very detrimental to my recovery. Thankfully my family and other friends are completely supportive and understanding.

    I did discover an excellent book that I gave to my mum to read and she now tells everyone about it, as it's so helpful inunderstanding depression and it's recovery.
    It's called Depressive Illness The curse of the strong by Dr Tim Cantopher.
    FYI it doesn't cover bipolar depression, just plain old depression.

    I'd really recommend you get it for your husband. It made my family much more understanding and they didn't have to ask so many questions - or indid question my recovery.

    Really hope you get your medication sorted. Good luck.x
  13. Lizzieni

    Lizzieni Well-Known Member

    Apologies for iPhone typos!
  14. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. My father was the same way. When I was first diagnosed and started on meds he kept on my about "you just need to get out of the bedroom and be around others" and so on. And after a while started tellin me that the meds n therapist were just so expensive and a waste of time since he knew what was wrong with me now and family could fix it.

    I keep my fingers crossed that your husband will understand better then what my father did.
  15. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I see that a lot with depression, for sure. My stepdad just doesn't get it.

    I think social anxiety is worse, though. "I used to be shy, I got over it, so can you!"
  16. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    i hate how people are so cold towards depression.

    i'm actually shocked that people can't look a little deeper and be willing to listen to what it's all about

    a lot of people (in my experience anyway) won't go near someone with depression or any type of mental illness, because... it's infectious and they will get it too.

    what nonsense- if they took the time to understand us, they'd see we're not like that at all. we're just used to a diffrent reality if you like.

    that's why i'm so greatful for this place, because as soon as i leave..... back to the people that don't care
  17. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    I really appreciate everybody's replies on this topic. It really helps to know that there are others who are experiencing the same things I'm experiencing and who I can talk to and will understand me. I'm so grateful for all of the friends I've made on this forum.
    Aoeu: I also understand about social anxiety because I suffer from that too. It's so bad that I have a panic attack when I have to talk to somebody I don't know. I even beg my husband to order for me when we go out to eat because the thought of ordering my own food scares the mess out of me. When I was a child my parents and teachers all thought I would grow out of it but I'm 41 years old and still suffering from it. It embarrasses me that I'm this way, but this is how I am.
  18. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    my family dont believe me and none of them are trying to help me.weirdly enough i met a woman on yahoo chat the other day who was prepared to listen to me which helped me alot its weird how someone i have never even met believes me about how i feel yet the people who i have known all my life dont believe me mother said today that she had to cope with her own mental health issues and now everyone elses to yeah theres nothing like someone saying stuff like that to your face to make you feel truly worthless huh
  19. kreative1

    kreative1 Well-Known Member

    The only comfort I get is in talking to other suffers, they understand.
  20. emotional_girl

    emotional_girl Well-Known Member

    xsomewhatdamagedx: I'm so sorry that your mother said that to you. I'm sure that had to have made you feel bad. But I'm glad you found somebody you can talk to who is willing to listen and try to understand. That's what we all need. That's why I'm glad I found this forum. I've found people who actually understand what I'm going through and are willing to listen to me and be supportive. That is worth everything in the world to people who are going through what we are going through!

    kreative1: I agree with you. That's why I keep coming back to this forum everyday.
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