I'm totally alone right now, and I just want to die. My best friend left because she says I'm emotionally abusive. My counselor keeps telling me she's the abusive one, not me. It doesn't really matter either way, she won't speak to me. My mother's method of trying to calm me down is to say "well, of course you are, but thats ok." She's a real jerk. Keeps telling me I reflect badly on her because I'm depressed, and that she's ashamed of me for it, and that everything is my fault. My roommate is going to be living with some of our friends next year. I wasn't invited to join them, and wasn't even told about it directly. I found out through a totally uninvolved 3rd person. My counsellor gets that I'm depressed, I've got to give her that much. But last week she said to me that I'm doing good because most people who have been through half of what I've been through aren't alive, let alone functioning. That just makes me feel like I don't have a soul, like I shouldn't be here and its wrong for me to be alive. Because people who go through stuff like mostly have killed themselves already. I've got friends who want to hang out with me, and I've got a few people who will listen, but they can't help. Its like I'm on one side of a window, and everyone else is living on the other side and no matter what I do I can't get over there. My mom's newest thing was to offer to help me find a different counsellor, but she doesn't get it. No one can help me. The only reason I'm still going is so that everyone else can feel like they're helping me. I want to kill myself. I want to finish my finals and kill myself. Point of waiting is that my friends here won't be expecting to see me for a while and my family won't have seen me yet. I just want this all to be over because its never going to change.