People not understanding your reason for suicide...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fox in the Woods, Oct 7, 2009.

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  1. Fox in the Woods

    Fox in the Woods Active Member

    A few weeks ago, I was so upset my something that one of my teachers said to me at school that I ran out of the school and planned to go through with my suicide plan. Before you start saying that some teacher saying something mean to you is not a good enough reason to end your life, things had been getting progressively worse and worse in my life for the past months leading up to my suicide attempt; dealing with having to tell my parents I was molested by a priest when I was a little girl and them making it seem as though it was my fault, supporting friends with drug addictions, failing subjects, feeling inadequate, etc.

    I ran out of the school and down past the shops near my house where I bought several bunches of flowers. I then ran the rest of the way home crying all the way, got home, got the jar of pills I had been collating, cleaned the bathroom (I didn't want to die in a dirty bathroom for some reason, I was psycho at the time), covered the bathroom in flowets, got in the bath and started swallowing pills along with shots of vodka. The phone rang. I let it go to voicemail. It was my mum. I felt guilty and picked it up. She told me that the school had called and told her that I had ran away. She didn't understand what was going on. She even put me on hold to take another "more important call". I told her I loved her very much and hung up the phone. I got back in the bath and continued swallowing pills.

    My mum came home as soon as I hung up and found me in the bath. By now I was feeling pretty woosy. She didn't take me to the emergency room. She simply stuck her fingers down my throat and made me throw up the pills and vodka. Then she made me stay awake all day and night until the chemicals passed through my body. She tried to talk to me about why I had tried to end my life but, I instead ended up counselling her about her failing marriage and her role as a mother. She sent me to school the next day, none of the issues being resolved in my eyes, but in her eyes I was abseloutely fine.

    Last week I was in the same situation and was going to end my life by jumping off a bridge. I was stopped by my psychologist who got worried about where I was and drove up to the bridge to talk me into coming down and working through some issues. My parents response was they didn't believe I would actually end my life. They said I didn't have the guts.

    I don't know how to show them that I am serious about ending my life. I have had other suicide attempts in the past, but none of that means anything to them. I feel so alone in the world and I have no idea what to do anymore when I have the deep, dark depressive thoughts that make me want to swallow the whole medicine cabinet or jump off a bridge.

    So anyway, who else's parents or family don't understand why you want to take your own life?
     
  2. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    That is a sad story to hear! There is nothing worse than to be so desperate for an end to it all, and those who stop you are oblivious to the true reasons. I dont want to think that everyone around us are self obsessed in their own worlds that they are clouded by what is really happening around them.

    Professional help is always the best way forward. Luckily im glad your mum took appropiate action too. But im not sure if she is just sending you to school and trying to make you lead a normal life after such an episode because she herself cannot accept the deep sorrowful emotions you are probably going through and that she is rejecting the idea that her daughter wants to end her life. It might be a coping method, but when youre in need, attention from loved ones is always crucial.

    I have never wanted to take my life.... i have had close family ( no further info needed ) who have tried to take their lives. At first for me, there was a sense of anger, questions of why why why why why... denial that its happening, and just tried to ignore it, and then after a while, there was a sense of reality. It took some time for it to kick in with what was happening. I never understood the emotions of the other person until i had a one on one at the side of their hospital bed while in intensive care. Eventually it clicked... and thats when i became 120% supportive to that member.

    Maybe it just needs to sink in?

    ( my perspective is of someone who never understood.. so i hope it helps a little. But i unfortunately have to say.. its what i did.. everyone acts differently. Other family members turned their back on the one who did it. its a sad case. )
     
  3. Adieu

    Adieu Account Closed

    My parents really don't believe me either, so I understand how you feel
     
  4. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I don't think anyone can understand why others want to die. I want to die, but I can't understand why one of my best friends wants to commit suicide.
     
  5. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    none of my family or friends do. but its got nothing to do with them. i dont volunteer what they dont want to hear. not anymore.
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I don't expect "normies" to understand.
     
  7. Rosiex

    Rosiex Member

    People tell me all the time that I'm "still so young and have so much to live for".
    What they don't understand is that, that isn't true to me.

    Everybody will have different reasons and most people aren't open to the idea of suicide so they are unlikely to understand.

    There are many supportive people who do try to understand though, which is great :rolleyes:
     
  8. papertiger

    papertiger Member

    It's why I seek out forums like this, I've just come to terms with the fact that nobody really understands unless they've been there.

    My parents were quick to put it behind them, they don't like to talk about it. I guess they cope through denial, and if they act like it didn't happen, it won't happen again. I've come to accept that they don't understand it, but they don't want to try to understand either.
     
  9. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    the average person is not going to understand why one thinks about or commits suicide.
    the bottom line is. you cant know unless you have been there.

    dont get angry at ppl that refuse to understand. my X friend told me, well everyone has problems .. you just choose to handle them differantly.
    very typical comment. shes one that does until it gets fixed. thats great for her and others. but most of the ppl here know better. suicide builds off depression. even mild depression can trigger those thoughts. its a mind set that we develope. we arnt born wanting to commit suicide.
    its when we get so worn and broken MENTALY that we entertain the idea of suicide.
    theres a reason for it. situational depression can do it. its our emotional status and ,,,, yes ... how we handle issues. but there are millions of us that truth be known ... wont allow ourself to handle an issue rationaly. we think so negatively about our issues that we have convinced ourself of things that arnt even true. in some cases, we have in our minds that there is nothing else we can do. theres only one way out of the mess. no one cares. we have created that mindset so well, we cannot release ourself from it.
    and ... i do the samething. ive been there. i dont handle stress well at times. its my nature. im doing better. but it is what it is. we are some that cant cope will and we turn to the suicide card.
    does that make us loosers ? no, it means that we need help in gaining control of us so we can think rationaly.
    loved ones will never understand why ... because they have never been there.
    i still have my moments, but when i regain my composure and i find things did work out anyway .. i often use that as a guide to help make the next issue ... just a little bit easier on myself. i have learned to change my way of thinking. it takes time to reprogram what has been for so long.
    my new motto is, and yes its hard to follow at times, get off your ass and git er done.
    odiecom
     
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