People say that I'm well off and shouldn't be so sad. Well...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ExtraSoap, Jun 5, 2012.

  1. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    ...Fuck you. Does your mom call you fucked up to your face in front of your therapist? Do you rely on dope to keep yourself occupied and feeling good? Well? I didn't think so.

    And for all those fucking popular girls: get your shit together. You can't fuck your way up the social ladder forever, so enjoy yourself for another five years or so before you get into the real world. Stop giving me weird looks or just flat-out ignoring me whenever I try to talk with you, because all I'm looking for is some acceptance. Just a little. But no, you're too high and mighty, busy being goddesses of high school while I'm just some insect to you. Wait until you realize that life isn't like high school, it isn't like college, and you will actually have to WORK to survive! What a concept!

    And for you jocks and laxer bro assholes: enjoy being the alpha male while you can, because once you get into the real world, you can't swagger yourself into a good job, and after college you won't be able to get girls by being jerks to them. Then you go and post to facebook about how lonely you are, and I'll be sitting with a blunt in my hand, laughing my ass off.

    And you, mom. YOU'RE the reason I'm failing chemistry. you always come up here and yell and scream about how much of a slacker I am and how I never get anything done. Well guess what genius, yelling at me doesn't really help my motivation, now does it? How have you not figured this out yet? You yell at me AS I'm doing the damn work, I get sad, go for "dinner" (smoke a bowl), and I don't get anything done. Fuck you. And then the next day you're all cheery and happy as if nothing ever happened, or you try to say you're fucking sorry for what you said. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have said it in the first place. You always whine about how disrespectful your children are and how terrible we are, well, that's cause when you try to control every aspects of our lives, we tend to do that. If you weren't ready for it, then maybe you shouldn't have had kids, so it's your fault.

    And C. Goddammit, I've been trying to get to know you for two years now, trying to become friendly, trying to be that beacon of hope to you as you are to me. And you know what? Fuck it. I know a lost cause when I see one, so I'm making a strategic retreat. Now I truly feel alone.

    and most of all to JJ. You, in all your popular chick glory, made me what I am today. You pretended to like me when I was hurting, played me for a few weeks after I moved onto your street while my house was being renovated. Then, out of nowhere, you decided that I was scum, and stopped coming to my house, stopped talking to me, and started mocking me. Granted, I was weird then, but wasn't everyone in middle school? As pathetic as this is, you destroyed me. My self-esteem went right down the drain, and I just got weirder. I came to my senses our freshman year, and started digging myself out of this hole I was thrown in. It's junior year now, and I'm not even halfway out. You and M sit there in math class, bitching and whining about how hard your lives are because you can't find love or your boyfriend is an asshole. I can barely even talk to the opposite sex, never even been kissed, and you've taken more dicks than you can count and you think life's hard? Really?

    I am SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS! I try and I try and I try SO HARD but I never get anywhere in anything I do. No girlfriend, shitty grades, a totally dysfunctional family, and all I want to do is survive. I go through life every day just surviving. I'm a human being, and we've evolved to the point where we shouldn't have 'surviving' on our daily to-do list.

    I'm a fucking wreck.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am sorry there is no one who has any real understanding...especially your mother...has your therapist made any suggestions how to seperate your sense of worth from her pathology? I know this sound clique, but, there is more to you than what these people have suggested, and it is your power to show them...for me,after being bullied by this moron in high school, who tried to make my life a living hell each day, I got so angry that I did well and made friends in college to spite him ( and take the power back for me)...I hope he is shoveling elephant dung at the circus, because I turned out OK...yes, it would be healthier to have forgiven him and move on, but to be honest, I was able to revenge the situation (peacefully) and it felt good...he has to live with being such a loser, not me
     
  3. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Well I'm not really bullied, I actually have quite a few friends, and bullying doesn't really happen much at my school. I just despise the fact that the scum of the earth somehow manages to be on the top of the social ladder, while normal people are either ignored or on the bottom. In reality, I think I just want to find some real meaning in life, something or someone concrete that I can grasp on to and anchor myself down. I've got a few friends who have a loose idea of how I feel on a daily basis, but no real understanding where I can be totally honest about anything. Everything gets bottled up, I can't release the pressure fast enough to counteract the build-up.
     
  4. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    i understand where you'r coming from. But honestly in my experience things dont change when you reach university. the people on my course were mostly posh, rich and from good backgrounds, also 'good looking'. it is these people that are on top at university and are always in the spotlight. i sometimes think that life is a popularity contest. at my friends work people have their little cliques and it is the 'popular' in them that triumph. but i do hope that one day they get a reality check. anyway enough rambling from me..just to say i hope you dont let these people make you feel terrible, i know sometimes they do impact on you but i hope in time that you focus on you and trust me it will show.
     
  5. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Hate to tell you this, but gem is right. Not entirely of course, the real world isn't always a popularity contest... but you still get your asskissers, your social ladders, your gossipers, a lot of the same childish bullshit that you dealt with in grade school - just not as openly. Women still go for the jerks. Good looking people still get treated better. Money still trumps integrity. Not 100% of the time, but often enough to make you wonder what the hell is wrong with the world and whether or not anybody ever really grew up.
     
  6. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Well shit. that explains why my mom's such a bitch, I guess.