People still dont get it

[Petal]

How was it rude?

Sorry if I don't care for the fake kindness and eggshell walking that passes for civility on here.

You called the admins twats? Thats how..

 

[Needshelp]

if this is how a suicide support forum treats their members im out. i just want to let everyone on here that this site of no use and would be better if it was taken off the internet for good. i cant believe how immature you admins and mods are. gives me more ammo please. youre just getting off on making fun of all these people because its like clubbing cribbled seal. you fucking asshole. people reach out to maybe hope for some help because everything theyve tried didnt work and they get treated like dirt. and i dont think he called hugs gay i think he was saying thats all anyone tries to give you is a stupid emoticon fucking hug. yea i appreciate the offer, but if thats all you do is send little smiley faces out to everyone that has a problem then why even bother? people sometimes want to actually be listened to and not just talk to smiley faces

 

[WildCherry]

It wasn't a member of staff that made the comment about having more ammo.

There have been times I've sent a hug in response to someone's post. Maybe I don't necessarily have any advice, but I want that person to know I've read their post and I actually care. And sometimes I'll say that I don't have any advice but just want the person to know I read the post; other times I'll post a hug. IT seems better than posting nothing at all, just reading the thread and moving on.

 

[Domo]

Justn because YOU found no support from ehre, doesn't mean it should be taken off the internet. Guess what? The world doesn't revolve around you.

Secondly, maybe if you didn't go around insulting everyone people would give you more time. Me for example i am not about to sugar coat anything for people (as i am sure you have guessed by now) and probably could have been of some help to you, as i would have been straight up with you. And because i am a nice person, the offer to talk is still there. With the assurance that you won't be getting any hugs from me!

If you look at my posting history, i went on an equally embarrasing rant about similar subjects. I made a right arse of myself, because sometimes, people just need to be heard, and those stupid little emoticons can be enough for some people, just to be noticed and feel like they matter. So who was i, and who are you to judge that?

 

[Prof.Bruttenholm]

All the people who are in pain are doing is creating more pain.

And those trying to help are trying to help, but if there is only one person for every hundred, things can get backed up, messages missed or forgotten.

I am one of those forgotten, but I am not mad.

Chuck Norris started on a valid point but he is also clearly speaking out of hurt.
Maybe Chuck Norris and all the others who need help should try supporting each other rather than attack those who try to help you.

I am of course a living contradiction but I have been my entire life.

 

[Axiom]

The martyr is one who employs self-sacrifice and victimization as a way of avoiding to take responsibility for their life. They are prepared, however, to take responsibility for everyone else's life.

They are invariably unhappy and unfulfilled because they deny their own needs for the sake of others. They view life as a struggle, and themselves as a bastion of righteousness in an ungrateful world.

They consider themselves a light to the world, a shining example of how a good and selfless person should behave. They honestly believe they are a model of virtue. They also believe that their goodness will eventually "rub off" on others. If they are abused and mistreated, they will suffer such indignities, because eventually their tormenter will see the error of their ways, and recognize what a special human being they are hurting.

Martyrs are often attracted to difficult and abusive people. They have a compulsive need to change them, make these people good, and make them appreciate and respect them. They pick spouses who are brutal or intolerant, who lack a conscience, who deceive and manipulate them, and who resist the martyr’s efforts to reform them. It is interesting that they unconsciously choose to be around impossible people, and that their efforts to rehabilitate the latter are doomed to fail.

The victim role is an important component of a martyr complex. It justifies in their mind that others are responsible for their pain. They engage in compulsive blaming to reinforce this conviction. The blaming functions to deflect the basic neurotic tendency of their behavior: They set themselves up to be victims. They do this to avoid taking responsibility for their life, but also to show that their own behavior is beyond criticism.

Martyrs are caught in a neurotic struggle that began in childhood. Since such behavior is a complex phenomenon it is difficult to describe a particular parent-child interaction that may account for it. Martyrs often learn to be victims from a parent who assumed this role, usually the mother. She sacrificed herself for her family and reacted passively to a brutal and uncompromising husband. She kept her family intact, and often shielded the children from the more negative aspects of her husband's behavior, absorbing the blows herself.

Since their own life was pretty miserable, such a parent often lived for and through their children. That is, their quest for happiness and fulfillment revolved around the experiences of these children. To please the parent, the child assumed the latter's aspirations, and their own needs became secondary. They learned that they must make sacrifices, repress their own desires, and behave passively toward authority. Whenever the child tried to contradict the parent by asserting their personality, the latter saw it as a sign of betrayal, and made the child feel guilty: "Is this what I deserve after all I have done for you?"

The martyr personality was often burdened excessively with responsibilities in their younger years, perhaps looking after the household while the parent was absent. The father may have been absent for reasons other than work (drinking, idling with friends), and the mother may have worked full-time to support the family. The child was forced to sacrifice their fun and leisure by looking after siblings, and generally behaving like a responsible adult. This made them serious and resolute beyond their years. It also reinforced the conviction that they should live by serving and catering to the needs of others, while repressing their own.

The characteristics of neurotic martyrdom in adulthood can be summarized as follows: The person cares for and helps others while sacrificing their own needs. They find people who they feel require their help the most, usually those who are selfish and intolerant. They help by showing others how to be good. They submit to abuse as an appeal to the conscience of the abuser. When this doesn't work, they resort to guilt-trips, nagging and other types of passive-aggressive strategies.

On a deeper level, martyrs are very needy for love. Unfortunately, they unconsciously believe that the only way they can get love is through suffering. The suffering makes them feel special and wanted, and it brings meaning to their life. Their suffering is tied to their ego. They are actually proud of it. Take away their suffering and they seem lost.

To have a normal and mature adult relationship is difficult for them. They will want to help you by listening to your problems, by offering their time and possessions, and by trying to make you dependant on them. In fact, if you don't ask them for assistance, behave strongly and confidently, and treat them as mature and self-sufficient people as well, they will sabotage such a situation and become like little children themselves.

And therein lies the great "martyr paradox". All their suffering is actually an attempt to get people to look after them! This is the secret code of the martyr. They are looking for support themselves. If you behave maturely with them, they will become like little children wanting help from you. It is the martyr who requires love and nurturing, not the other way around.

I actually found this interesting. I just hope that people who can relate to some of the things in this quote don't fall victim to the overall point of the connected associations. I really disagree with view that all of these points embody a martyr complex. Probably because I can personally connect with alot of these points, but they are not in this sort of string logic.

I suppose for both our benefits which Im sure you are aware of(just saying for others who are not) that there are many different routes to different complexes. I suppose your quote is one possible route, though the points are there, they lack the the substance to be a definitive point. You could endure the same ways of life in the quote and not be that.

Though, there are alot of things in the quote that I distaste. Usually the ones that fall in the lines of false truths for ones own benefit. However, there are alot of things in the quote I understand and relate to. And I defiantly don't have a martyr complex.

Besides that! lol.. I know what you mean. People aren't the waves of the ocean. We don't just disappear and get reabsorbed, we#re still here, and offering a helping hand requires a responsibility not only to the person whom you offer it to, but to yourself.

 

[JBird]

wildcherry, all i have to say is every admin member ive tried to talk to or get advice from does exactly what this thread is about. i agree theyre in a difficult position, but like i said if youre busy just say rather than leaving people hanging. and every mod or admin ive talked to has done that. idk if you guys talk amongst each other and spread gossip about the people you supposedly try to help, but most of the time i dont even get a response. honestly this site is fucking useless and the only times i try to use it were when i was in a complete shithole and honestly this site did nothing but make it worse for me just because of that reason. why is it the maintainers of the site are the biggest offenders?
all im saying is its as easy as saying "im talking to someone else" or "im busy"

The staff are normally busy keeping members in line or editing posts and often can't respond to PMs straight away. I'd like to see some of you run your own forum this busy and this demanding and still respond to members in need of help or attention. The staff realise that people need to talk in private which is why the buddy system was brought in. If you have an issue with a buddy not sticking to their member role then maybe you need to enlighten the staff, in private, of your issues.

If you want help, go to a buddy. If you want to help people, become a buddy. If you get a buddy that doesn't respond, write your comments in LTM.

Let the staff get on with managing the forum. In my eyes, contacting a member of staff via forum PM for emotional help is a last resort, i sure as hell wouldn't do it unless they're the only people online.

Use the buddy's, thats what they're there for.

 

[WildCherry]

Let the staff get on with managing the forum. In my eyes, contacting a member of staff via forum PM for emotional help is a last resort, i sure as hell wouldn't do it unless they're the only people online.

Use the buddy's, thats what they're there for.

I can't speak for other staff members, but I'm always willing to PM with a member if they need help or feel like talking. I'm an admin, and so there are times when I'm on here working on staff-related things; but I like getting to know the members too, which is why I stay visible on the forum. So I can see where you're coming from, but I think that's up to each individual staff member.

 

[boo]

if this is how a suicide support forum treats their members im out. i just want to let everyone on here that this site of no use and would be better if it was taken off the internet for good. i cant believe how immature you admins and mods are. gives me more ammo please. youre just getting off on making fun of all these people because its like clubbing cribbled seal. you fucking asshole. people reach out to maybe hope for some help because everything theyve tried didnt work and they get treated like dirt. and i dont think he called hugs gay i think he was saying thats all anyone tries to give you is a stupid emoticon fucking hug. yea i appreciate the offer, but if thats all you do is send little smiley faces out to everyone that has a problem then why even bother? people sometimes want to actually be listened to and not just talk to smiley faces

You don't like smileys and yet you use mood smileys... :dry: I don't know about the other mods and admins, but don't you dare insult Alison. She's been nothing but supportive. Except for that time when she refused to share her slurpee...

 

[Kaos General]

If you want help, go to a buddy. If you want to help people, become a buddy. If you get a buddy that doesn't respond, write your comments in LTM.


Use the buddy's, thats what they're there for.

:lol!: sorry but that made me smile a lot!! I wont go into why but it just made me smile

 

[Kaos General]

You don't like smileys and yet you use mood smileys... :dry: I don't know about the other mods and admins, but don't you dare insult Alison. She's been nothing but supportive. Except for that time when she refused to share her slurpee...

Agreed apart from the slurpee comment!! I started this thread in the hope a few people would look at themselves and maybe think about what they are doing but for some reason its all descended into a rant about mods and admins. Just wondering though, if all of you who are hating the staff, let me ask you this, what would you do if you had to run this site? You really honestly think you could do it? You see its easy to sit there and view it as us and them, gawd knows ive done it often enough myself but seriously, just think about the sheer amount of shit and abuse they have to put up with on a daily basis.

 

[Young suicider]

Person 1: I saw your post earlier and wanted to talk about it...
Person 2: Well I feel crappy my best freind just killed a man and jumped off a bridge

Person one never replies again.


Don't offer help unless you a prepared for the most extreme and odd answers.