People who make promises

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Oct 18, 2009.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    My father was a terrible father. Actually, he was not around enough to be a terrible father. He was an absent father. In my mid-teens, we became close again because he moved out on his 2nd wife who is super jealous of me because she resents my mother. He used to promise me we would get a place together and we never did. He used to promise that he would buy me a car when I turned 16, he never did. When I was even younger, he had me pick out a bedroom set. It was scheduled for delivery and he canceled. Sometimes, I would wait for him for hours and he would never pick me up.

    As a 21 year old woman, my heart was broke today. This is my first break-up from when I was 16. This hurts more though because this was a guy who I knew from when I was 9 and he was 6. Long story. I know he was only 18, but he seemed so mature and he made me promises... so many.... It was easier to get over the break-up from my 21 y.o bf when I was 16 because this guy was an obvious scum, but he NEVER promised me anything. Broken promises suck. What sucks even more is if my relationship with my now ex would have been successful, I would have been guaranteed a happy life outside of Chicago. He is in Europe and I have a home there. The plan was that we would both live in my family home out there forever and ever. Maybe constructing a pool and having a small farm. I hate city life. I hate the Mid-West. Without my bf, I feel lost and there is no reason to go back overseas except maybe to see him with some other girl.

    Walking around the mall, I felt lost today. The mall usually brightens me up too, but I just could not stop thinking.. I missed out on all my studying because I have not slept in a day and I have been crying hysterically for hours. To make this worse, he broke up with me the day after I decided I was done with my father forever. My father told his wife something personal about me that I confided in him. He is such a snake. I told my father that night that I hoped my relationship with my bf worked out, so I could leave him and Chicago forever. Now, I have lost the boy I feel I can not live without and I am stuck in the city I hate where my father lives as well.

    BTW- I am open to dialogue with anybody. I welcome new friends, especially if you are in my area.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I remember the adults from my childhood that left me with a string of broken promises. Please post all you need to, it will be good to get it out. We'll help where we can.

    :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    my father left us at the age of 4 showed up maybe one twice then left. some parents are not meant to be parents they just don't have itin them. The boyfriend he needs more space right now give him that You have to look after you get some councilling talk to someone tell them your a mess. Can you talk to school councillor your doctor a close friend anyone to help you through this.
    If it gets too bad call crisis okay because they can talk to you and calm you down when you are so upset. You did good reaching out here glad you did
     
  4. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I hate broken promises too, its such a betrayal. For you to be able to tell your father to stay out of your life when he doesn't treat you the way a father should really shows strength. That kind of strength will get you out of that city! (I want out of mine so badly too!) ...As for your boyfriend Im sorry you have to go through that. I know how it feels to have your heart broken and I know that really no matter what anyone says it doesn't make it feel better. But if you just take each day one at a time you will heal...I wish the best for you
     
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thank you to everybody who has replied so far, especially Tara Bear. You are so right... No matter what anybody says, it does not make it better. My mom tries to give me advice and she only makes me feel worse. City life sucks. There is no sense of community here and I have zero friends at this point in my life... Besides for my ex, I had not been close to anybody in a long time and now I've lost him. Making friends here in Chicago is so hard. Everybody is so self-contained and I feel like I have to censor myself with most people. Making friends when I was younger was so much easier. Everybody has their own life too and they act bothered at the idea of hanging out.
     
  6. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    My father has always been the same as yours. Very much absent in my growing up. I did try to re-establish my relationship with him a couple years ago but he ended up choosing alcohol over me again. If you need to talk to somebody about this feel free to PM me. I can completely relate.
     
  7. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Well I just woke up.... My sleeping pattern now is terrible. I will finally fall to sleep around 4. Then, I get up every few hours.. Only to awake at like 10 or 11. THE THING THAT SUCKS THE MOST ABOUT A BREAKUP IS NOT BEING ABLE TO FANTASIZE ABOUT THE PERSON ANYMORE AT NIGHT. I used to fantasize about my bf at night, feel all happy and hopeful, then drift off to sleep. I don't have that anymore. The thing that sucks the most is that he will not even talk to me now. The last time we talked, two days ago, I was soooo pathetic. I was practically begging him to stay on the phone with me and later, to stay on chat. When I tried to remind him of the happy times this summer, he told me to please not talk about old stuff. Prior to that, he even told me he is getting to know somebody else after he asked me if I was seeing somebody... I told him I wasn't. I know long distance is hard and he is young, but we agreed not to tell each other about dating. Plus, we would have been together again soon... He knows how sensitive, emotional, and vulnerable I am... What a jerk... I can't believe how over it is and how easy it is for him to start dating again and forget about me when two months ago, this guy was crazy about me and practically chasing me around...
     
  8. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    Maybe your ex-boyfriend will walk a road without you to remake forgotten promises and eventually he'll meet you at the roads end
     
  9. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Who knows? This was a really bad fight though and I humiliated him. He has so much pride that at this point, I do not see him meeting me at road's end....
     
  10. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    My mom always gave me bad advice too when my heart was broken, she tried she just didn't know what to say. No one knows what its truely like to get your heart broken until you've been through it. Which is why I really feel for those I know whose hearts are broken, because I know they will get better but at the moment it doesn't seem so. My mom is the one who told me to "take one day at a time" and when she said it I was mad because I was like i dont want to feel like this any longer at all, how much more do I have to take??! But now looking back she was right, it totally sucks but you do heal. I know what you mean about sleeping though, for me it was like all i wanted to do was sleep but then when I slept I would dream about me ex so I couldn't get away from it ever. I personally got so sick of thinking about it and talking about it, i just wanted to get away from it. But if you do want to talk about it I'd be happy to listen. Or maybe we could strike up a convo about something else entirely to try to get your mind off of it for a bit? Message me if you want :)
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I hate when people break promises :(

    Especially people you trust and depends on, my doctor has broken a lot of promises, hence why we hate eachother now and Im no better than when I first saw her..

    Im sorry you were treated badly :( :hug:
     
  12. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I was starting to get back my appetite and feel like myself again until I found out that my ex erased me off of his msn/windows live messenger. I feel so empty now and rejected. He had already erased me off of facebook. I can't believe that he acted this cold towards me. I am trying not to cry, but I just feel so alone and hurt. In my heart, I know he has somebody else because why else would he be so over me.... Today I felt really good too before this. I was happy that I was through with mid terms...
     
  13. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I assume you are talking about a counselor or a psychiatrist. I have given up on therapy or taking meds except for ativan because I am addicted and I panic way too much.... Therapy seemed to go nowhere. I built up a few good relationships. Now, I have a hard time finding somebody.
     
  14. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Update, I just can't sleep... I miss this guy soooo much. It hurts to miss somebody who does not miss you. I think of all the stuff we could have done this upcoming summer like taking a trip to Ibiza.... Us being alone in a beautiful hotel room...Does anybody here know what a great feeling it is to be alone with the person you love? I think of when his parents used to leave and we would be alone in his house for hours and just make out like crazy... I felt like I was 15 again. Now, the most excitement I get is going to the mall every once and a while.......

    A*SHOLE! JERK! PIECE OF SH*. ALL I EVER DID WAS BE A GOOD WOMAN TO YOU AND YOU WERE NOTHING BUT A LITTLE BOY WHO COULDN'T DEFEND ME WHEN PEOPLE TALKED SHIT. YOU WANT TO THROW UP THE FACT THAT I HUNG OUT WITH SOMEBODY ELSE AFTER YOU LEFT ME... WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, STAY AT HOME WITH NO CAR IN A TOWN THAT DOES NOT EVEN HAVE A GROCERY STORE?? BE FRIENDS WITH GIRLS WHO WERE RUDE AS HELL? GET OVER IT. YOU SAID YOU FORGAVE ME THEN YOU THROW IT UP TO MY FACE. NOTHING HAPPENED....... YOU BACKWARDS THINKING CHAUVINISTIC PIG....... oh and tell everybody in that town to stop gossiping about me already. I have been gone for months and the stuff I have heard via telephone and internet is just ridiculous...

    BTW- To anybody that is curious, in some cultures, boys and girls can not be friends and if you are even seen talking to another guy, you are a slut..
     
  15. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    Im sorry its getting harder again :( And im also sorry i havent responded to your message yet, I promise I will I just have been really busy with school this week. But i wanted to at least respond to your post and let you know that I still care! Guys deal with things in entirely different ways than girls, but im positive he does still miss you. He just cant handle it as gracefully as you. You are a great person :)

    I know how it feels to miss someone so much tho, and have everyone gossiping about it. And everything reminds you of them. Its just awful but hang in there it will get better!

    hugs :)
     
  16. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply, hun. You have no idea how much it means to me. It is just so good to know that there is somebody out there who understands and cares... You are such a sweet girl and a great person as well. :smile:
    hugs......