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People who really understand BPD...

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I read the thread about it and some of it made sense but most of it doesn't seem to be me. Or does it?

I am obsessed with how I look, though I can go out in public with no makeup and not care, but my personality totally changes and my self-esteem is at it's lowest point. I will not look at people in the eye, for example. I feel totally ugly when I have a pimple or a cold sore. I have been known to skip school or classes because of it. And the thing about seeming very shallow is me. I have been known to like guys who other girls find unattractive but yet I think what a person looks like on the outside matters ALOT in a relationship.
I also seem to be a gold-digger and money is VERY important to me.

Another thing that seems specific to me and that nobody I have ever met seems to be able to relate to is my very high standards in men. It is so bad that I have gone my whole life without a boyfriend because I am to obsessed with a CELEBRITY to care about any guys that are actually around me. I won't list all the celebrities I have majorly crushed on but some you could guess like Orlando Bloom and Matt Damon.

Currently I have fallen for a local celebrity. He is an NHL hockey player in the city that I live in. I have not met him, nor will I most likely, but I feel so strongly towards him it is madening*sp?*.

Are these symptoms of BPD and can this even be explained?


Well-Known Member

I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) about 18months ago.

The diagnostic criteria are (taken from http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-pe05.html )

'A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

~frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
~a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
~impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
~recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
~chronic feelings of emptiness
~inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
~transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms '

To be diagnosed with BPD you have to meet 6 or more of those criteria, and obviously be diagnosed by a psych. You also have to be over a certain age becuase your personality has not fully formed until that age.

Can I ask, why are you thinking that these thigns might be BPD related? Do you have a diagnosis? Has someone said something to you? Have you decided this yourself?

Self diagnosis is really not sensible. Virtually anyones personality can be fitted into this criteria in some sense, but that does not mean they have BPD. Also, if you self diagnose then it is common for the subconscious brain to create the symptoms so that you present with the symptoms, even if you don't have it.

It could be that you have low self image (ie with the spots) yet you are comfortable in your regular and 'normal' appearance, ie without the spots.

Could it be that you are falling for the 'ideal' man? as in someone who has all the things you want? Many teenagers go through the idolising and obsessive phase and maybe you are there? (or have not grown out of it if you are older).

Maybe this is related more to being obsessed with things, like your spots, a man you can't have, money, etc, than BPD? (obviously that is totally random and I am not a professional in anyway).

If you are concerned about your behaviour, maybe it is worth seeing a doctor and discussing it with him/her. They could recommend therapy or something like that.
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