I'm pathetic. And I'm not saying that because I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm doing that on a completely different plain, I'm saying this because it's true. I put so much into all my relationships, I care for them like they are plants in my garden. I give them plenty of attention, I love their faults and ignore their flaws. I try so hard to make relationships work, do everything I can, hold up the wight on my own. And time and time again, the I land back at square one. No one calls me back, I get poked at or made fun of, it's no big fuckin' whoop, right? Just once I want someone, some fucking body to do the same for me in return. Maybe instead for me calling them to make plans or catch up they could call me. Just maybe once I wouldn't be the one standing by the door waiting for someone to show up that never does. Maybe I could be the one to cancel or the one who just doesn't have the fucking time to email me back one or twice a year. And what gets me is if you go ask my friends they'll all say I'm wonderful. They all say "Oh em? She awesome, I love her". BULL FUCKING SHIT! People are assholes. Give them money and they become instant dick heads. I am done dealing with them, done. I can't deal with their bull crap so I'm not going to anymore. I'm not going to exhaust myself trying to keep relationships alive. If that's how it is, it shouldn't be a relationship in the first fucking place. I'm done. I'm out. I'm sick of being the one who does fucking everything so forget it. I'm moving to a cottage in Maine, or maybe even an island somewhere and I'm gonna write. I gonna do what I love away from what I can't stand and maybe them I'll finally be happy with the shit that gets thrown my way.