Perfect memory - Now I can't remember!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThePhantomLady, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I have an 'abnormal' visual memory and I take a lot of pride in it... In school I never took notes because I knew it would be stored in the 'library' in my head anyway... I still don't write notes... I remember every little detail about anything.

    My mum has forbidden me from opening my mouth when we watch quiz shows when I visit her, I always blurt out the answer before she gets a chance to try herself and it annoys her.

    As a young teen I was a bit worried; my PTSD was really bad from the added stress in school and I wouldn't sleep for days because I was scared of having nightmares... I ended up very depressed and suicidal... my short-term memory got affected. You could ask me "could you get me a cup of coffee from the kitchen" and if I came back with anything it was something completely unrelated.

    I've had a bad relapse since my abusive ex came back to mess with me some weeks ago and my boyfriend and I had a bad fight... it sent me way, way down hill... I can't sleep at night and I wake up way too early. When I wake up I jump out of bed ready to flee.

    The boyfriend and I have made up and are working on strengthening the relationship and each other, and last time I talked with my ex I was a bit psychotic (some of it was exaggerated) but I think I got him to see that him messing with my life is going to kill me in the end; and despite all the cr*p he did to me he doesn't want that. So he's trying to cut the ties... finally!

    But I'm still depressed... and I forget everything. It makes me so frustrated!
    The other day I was wondering if I was ever getting an answer to a letter I sent to a woman in Germany... and then I found the letter in my purse. I honestly thought I had sent it!!
    I can go to the kitchen with a plan on what to cook... and the four steps it takes to go there from the living room I forget what my plan was...
    Writing is a nightmare. I'm working on a novel (disguised as fan fiction) and despite readers becoming impatient for the next chapter I just can't. I wrote half a page in several weeks. I will have a good sentence in my head and as soon as I start to type it's gone. I used to 'write' several pages in my head on the train or going for a walk and come home writing them down word for word.

    I know it's coming back eventually... but it's just... UGH. My life is built around being good at remembering stuff...

    I told my boyfriend about it, and now I feel a bit guilty.

    My boyfriend has been brain damaged since his teens when he had an accident and was put in a coma for too long. He became aphasic (unable to speak); through 15 years of therapy he got his speech back though his voice is troubled... but every morning he wakes up having no idea where he is or what happened. As he wakes up it does mostly come back to him but he has a while where he's just completely blank.
    He does have to write down a lot of stuff that's important to remember...

    And I'm complaining about this... Meh.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi PhantomLady,

    I am sorry to hear that your are suffering memory loss. I went through a similar experience when I suffered Depression and PSTD. I even forgot where I left things, card PIN number and even my name. I felt like I was brain-washed to something wrong. I went through a horrible experience but with time and medication. You can recover from memory loss but it takes time. Some days the depression can be mild or deep but it's about coping with it. Depression is not like flu, where you take a couple of aspirins and you better after a couple of days. Depression can play a profound effect on your daily life and relationship. Dealing with relationships is a complicated but you both are working through it.

    What your experiencing is nothing new but the symptoms of depression. So you might feel low but Please do not worry now. I hope you and your boyfriend all the best for the future. The support you give him on a daily basis is brilliant and be proud of that. You are allowed to have "off-days" so keep posting for the support you deserve.