perfect storm

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Aug 20, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    long time since i posted because i felt like i was letting the folks here down so i don't expect anyone to care

    been crying alot non-stop at work these last few days as it all comes down

    been a year since my depression worsened, a year since my job wouldn't accomodate my request to allow me to help my son get through college - that was probably the biggest trigger factor at the time

    got our reviews a month ago and i got seriously shafted by a boss who wouldn't listen to any arguments - as a result i get no raise this year - this after the company already delayed them by 18 months

    the new commute after the company move to new jersey is draining me, cost of commute going up again soon, lost my office which stripped me of a private place to collect myself so i spend a lot of time hiding in the bathroom on a different floor

    developed severe headaches that don't respond to tylenol (can't take aspirin) now i have an appointment with a neurologist in a week

    feel like a stranger in my own home, odd man out at work

    today i have to propose two projects that next year's bonus will be based on, but i'm getting no guidance from my manager on what we need to do - he seems to feel that as a "senior person who knows the business" i should be able to just pull these things out of my ass. He doesn't listen when i remind him that no one has actually used me for anything specifically related to "the business" for 10-years. Everything i've proposed so far has been rejected. Thought i had one, but that fell apart yesterday. So here we are poised to start a new business year and i'm a failure already - go me

    i'm completely falling apart at this point - i can't do anything, get anything right - all i'm doing is letting people down, disappointing or hurting those i love

    my head is spinning out of control, haven't yet gotten to the point where i want to hurt myself but if a bus came flying down the street i'm not sure i'd dive out of the way

    everywhere i look this morning all i can see is evidence of my failures

    51 years and still a failure - the pain of it is like a jagged tear in my soul

    i'm broken and don't think i will ever be fixed
     
  2. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    First i want to say that i love you :wub: But you knew that :).

    Second i want to slap everyone in the face at your work place! they are complete ass-tards. You're not a failure by any means. I dont think anyone could come up with all that in just a day so dont be too hard on yourself.

    You said that you seem to be letting those you love down? We are all human and we all make mistakes but we have to move on and not dwell on said mistakes. You haven't ever let me down. I hope you know that. :console:

    I wish your family appreciated you more and was more of a support. Have you tried talking to them to let them know how you feel?

    I love you! :wub: here if you need me.
     
  3. haiku

    haiku Member

    chin up, I'm sure they idea's were great, corporate biggots will shut you down just to show their authority, it's no reflection on you. You're not a failure not a failure, so just stay good ok, you're not a failure you're a good man talk to your family
     
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    That sounds really really painful. To feel like everything is out of control and you can't do anything right. It hurts to feel so alone and hopeless.

    I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love.
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you came to SF again echo..I wondered how you were....
    I don't have any advice just wanted to say hello....
     
  6. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
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