perhaps to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadcat, Jan 10, 2013.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    So much pain.
    So many problems.
    New problems every day.
    Fix one and up pops two more.
    Cannot continue any more.

    So many years of suffering.
    So much pain.
    Was only given minutes to live.
    And then cancer made it worse.
    So bad the doctors even gave up.
    Some even walked away.

    I feel so empty.
    I have nothing left to fight.
    No one cares a snit.

    Every one in the family wants a piece of me.
    No one offers any help in return.
    They just take and take and take.
    Some even say thank you. Big deal.
    And tomorrow they will want some more

    and the cancer meds make me all emotions.
    and pain from osteoporosis.
    and suicidal all the time .
    I obsess over everything and compulse most.
    cant explain any of it without upsetting others
    no one can understand.

    i want to end this farce
    this empty life of giving and giving all
    when no one really appreciates any
    they just say they do
    then they go away for a year

    oh well, they will return
    when they have a question
    doesn't matter what it is
    this jerk will try to help them
    and send them back to work

    well - i cannot do it anymore
    i give up
    they don't deserve the help
    they don't help others
    they never learned to
    what a waste of effort they are

    this world shold be destroyed
    souls burned in hell
    not one remained to help another
    after 5 full years of being helped
    they all walked away

    this world is to learn to love others
    not yourself
    but people only care for themselves
    and no one else
  2. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    sadcat, I dont know what your specific problems are, but I am certainly willing to listen. It sounds like you have some OCD going on along with some other heavy stuff. I was diagnosed obsessive compulsive when I was 9 Im 35 now. Perhaps I can relate to some of the things you are going through. Please feel free to contact me.-Josh
  3. Tia

    Tia Well-Known Member

    hi ((Sadcat))

    this really touched me
    I am also willing to listen, and here for you. I'm not in the same situation as you but I have felt/still feel similar.
    I can relate to your pain :( and family taking but never giving back
    people do care though! jnick and i are one of them

  4. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    And so do I.


    With love - Aquarius
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I wish I'd seen this before. Just want you to know I care. :hug: I know you can keep fighting; please don't give up. Here if you need anything, even if you just need to vent and get things out.
  6. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Thank you Jnick, Tia, Aquarius123, and Wildcherry.

    I am having difficulty. SO much difficulty. I keep getting angry with people who I had tried to help, who walked away and then did not help others. Some just came back after a year and asked for more help. Was refering to other support sites. And I was refering to my family too.

    I am in so much pain now. Can barely care for myself anymore, and many still expect me to take care of them. Am close to being unable.

    You were kind to offer to help. I am so cranky now , I don't even deserve help any more. I have been losing my temper too often. Seems as if the anger is a flip side of depression I am feeling from all of my pain.

    I wish you all well.

    hugs, Sad
  7. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    Who Cares For The Carer?

    Dear Sad - of course you deserve help, just the same as we all are. And whatever you decide to do, know that you have a right to be here; that you are entitled to find happiness and healing; and that – if you but stay – you have a good chance of finding all of these things. Try to look at what you are going through at present as an opportunity that will, if you seize it and work with it, in due course lead you into becoming a healer in your own right. Your present experiences are meant to help you become a kinder, more loving and compassionate person, towards others and also yourself. Going in search of one’s own light at the end of one’s personal tunnel of suffering, in your case the one of depression, gradually develops the ability to show others that their lives and their experiences are valid and worth living through, the same as yours have been and always will be. However, this inner knowing must grow organically from within you, through your very own experiences. Only when this growth has taken place, will you be able to convincingly teach others how to do for themselves what you did in the past.

    So long as this you fail to see:
    That death precedes re-birth!
    A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
    Upon this darkling Earth.

    From: ‘Seliges Verlangen’
    ‘The Soul’s Yearning’

    With love and extra big healing hugs,

  8. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Re: Who Cares For The Carer?

    Aquarius -

    You dare to quote to me from your religion. You have a lot of gall. This is not a church. This is a support forum for everyone. Not just for you and your religion.

    Don't ever speak to me again.

    I reject you and your religion - you are both false and both not where you belong to be.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sadcat, you do deserve help. :hug: If you ever need to talk, or you just need someone to listen, you know you can contact me anytime.
  10. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    Re: Who Cares For The Carer?

    Dear Sadcat - if that's how you understand me, my intentions and my spiritual beliefs - they are NOT a religion - then indeed we have nothing to say to each other.

    Sorry to have troubled you so. I hope you will forgive me. With love - Aquarius
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Who Cares For The Carer?

    Sadcat :hug: I care. I really do. You can talk to me anytime!
  12. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Re: Who Cares For The Carer?

    Aquarius - I am sorry I snapped at you. You are right - I was too harsh. I am rather shy of religious zealots. But, you are right - you had not ventured into such. Please accept my appology. Actually - I was quite fascinated by a lot of your words. I was badly treated as a child by religious prejudice. I am overly sensitive about it. I do follow a spiritual path which parallels many of the concepts you had mentioned. Please forgive me. However, my spiritual path does not include Jesus in the same manner as your beliefs do.

    I do appreciate your kindness.


    CC: thank you . I will try to contact you and talk to you.


    I am afraid - I am in trouble. I have been badly injured today. I cannot get up without 2 canes. And I cannot walk more than a couple of steps. And I am completely at the mercy of my wife. My pain level is off the charts , and far beyond the level of 10, which implies the inability to control my own actions. Even the smallest activity and I become completely hysterical with pain. I went many hours today without any food or water, until she returned home . Spoke to a doctor tonight and got a few recommendations.

    if I cannot get this together in a day or so, I shall have to go to the hospital. I beleive that would be a death sentence.

    Not sure if anything is broken. Funny - I am in so much pain, I cannot even tell if anything may be broken. I may have fractured my spine. It is in bad shape, and I have been told to consider that it may collpase (from the cancer and osteoporosis) at any time. I guess it is not really so funny any more.

  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: Who Cares For The Carer?

    Not many words, just sending a gentle hug. :hug: I hope the pain eases soon!!
  14. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    About Pain

    Dear Sadcat – I am so glad to hear from you and so very sad that you are in such a lot of pain. As I am very familiar with pain, I wish I could help you in some way – the only thing that comes to mind is finding a better understanding of the meaning of pain. I have found it in the following:

    About Pain
    A woman spoke: ‘Tell us of pain!’
    And the Prophet replied:
    ‘Your pain is but the breaking of the shell
    That encloses your deeper understanding.
    You have to know pain,
    Even as the outer shell of any fruit has to break,
    So that the seed it contains can begin to grow and emerge into the Sun.

    If you could but open your heart to the wonder
    And the miracle that is your life and all life,
    So that you could see that it is contained in everything.
    If you could do that, your pain would not seem less wondrous
    Than your joy.
    You would then be able to accept the seasons of your heart,
    Both their coming and their going,
    In the same way as the inevitability of the seasons
    That pass over your fields;
    And you would watch yourself, with serenity and wonder
    Through the winters of any grief,
    Knowing with certainty that spring and resurrection
    Will surely follow; and that even in the event of death,
    You will always be granted the gift of another lifetime on the Earth,
    For as long as you require it.

    With the onset of wisdom, you will begin to recognise
    That much of your pain is self-chosen;
    That it is the bitter potion by which the physician within you,
    Your Highest or God Self,
    Is trying to heal your small, sick and wounded earthly self.
    You will then be able to trust
    The Divine Wisdom of your very own Heavenly physician,
    And drink Its remedy in silence and tranquillity.

    You then rest safely in the knowledge that
    Its hand is only seemingly hard and heavy;
    That in truth the cup that is now burning your lips
    Is given to you by the tender hand of the Unseen;
    And that the cup has been fashioned from the clay,
    Which the Great White Spirit, the potter of all life,
    Is moistening with Its own sacred Father/Mother tears.’

    From ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran 1883-1931
    Lebanese/American poet
    Edited by Aquarius ​

    If you are on a spiritual pathway of your own that does not include Jesus, we have much in common and you and I are more soul siblings that one might at first glance have suspected. My perception of God is that this is by no means a dark, cold and threatening outside force. It is most certainly not a vengeful old man with a long white beard sitting ‘up there’ somewhere, like the Jehovah, the God of the Christian Old Testament, whose roots are deeply embedded in Judaism, the same as the sacred texts of Islam, the Koran. When these ancient parts of the Torah were written, humankind still looked upon its Creator as one who threw wars, crime and pestilence upon its children of the Earth. We also know by now that God is not a kind and loving, all forgiving and understanding young man with a beard, wearing sandals and a flowing white gown, like the Jesus of the Christian New Testament.

    In my view, he is but a part of the many myths – the legend of the Lord Buddha is another one – that were given to humankind in its spiritual infancy, to bring us closer to grasping the ideas of the higher and highest dimensions of life. The Christ of the Jesus myth is an archetype and a symbolism that stands for the warm, kind and benevolent influence that – for a very long time in seed form only – dwells inside every human soul. Since the moment of our creation it has been patiently waiting to come alive and be born in our hearts. This, for every soul, can only take place when it has reached the right point on its personal evolutionary pathway.

    I hope some help will come to you soonest and the pain ease.

    With love and light,

  15. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Re: About Pain

    I am impressed that you would edit Kahlil Gibran and add:

    Knowing with certainty that spring and resurrection
    Will surely follow; and that even in the event of death,
    You will always be granted the gift of another lifetime on the Earth,
    For as long as you require it.

    Your Highest or God Self,

    I find your selection to be enticing.

    Your description on the earlier religions is also quite a mystery to me.

    I guess, I am at the point where I would ask you - What religion is this that you are talking from – for, surely, you have caught my attention.

    I will tell you that I follow a path which is defined by reincarnation, karma, multiple levels of consciousness, and soul travel.

  16. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    Re: About Pain

    Dear Sadcat - well, where do I stand spiritually towards the religious organisations of our world? Let me explain. Throughout this whole lifetime, I have been a free spirit. Occasionally, I visit churches and other places of worship, and am not averse to taking part in their services, as I find some of them most enjoyable. But, like any Aquarian, I refuse to be bound by anyone’s dogma or creed. I relish the freedom to follow my heart and the knowledge that this is the only place in the whole of Creation where truth is known. My truth is that which my inner teacher tells me to be true, and that alone I am prepared to share with you in all my writings. As pointed out before, the perception of truth varies from person to person; therefore yours may well be different from mine. Wherever the two digress from each other, you need to ask your inner teacher to show you what is right for you.

    As I am as involved in the rebirth of humankind to the same degree as everybody else, I also have to attend to my own personal healing journey. By now, I have reached the point where I recognise my role in this life as that of an interested but neutral observer. As far as humanly possible, I intend that this position should remain unchanged for what is left of my present lifetime. Through new interpretations of old themes all my work is done in a spirit of enquiry and of seeking spiritual wisdom, not just for myself but for all of us. By adding some of my insights into our common spiritual heritage I hope to increase the understanding of some of the concepts that have been available to humankind for a very long time. And that is my very own small share of bringing a measure of healing and peace into our troubled world.

    Although quotes from the Christian teachings appear in my writings more than those from other belief systems, let no-one run away with the notion that I am some kind of a Bible thumper. Lying at the feet of any well-known great earthly teachers has never been my style. Yet, I do not hesitate to humbly go down on my knees before the Great Spirit, Father/Mother Creator and the Universal Christ. In my view, the best teacher of all is life itself; it has always been mine. Life alone can teach us the value of the things, which – when the setting of the Sun for this lifetime has been reached – we recognise as having been truly worth living and striving for.

    With love and light,
  17. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    There is only one religion

    Dear Sadcat,

    There is only one religion, the one of love.
    There is only one race, the one of humankind.
    There is only one gender and that is humanity.
    There is only one language, the one of the heart.
    And there is only one God and I am
    Omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient.​

    That is the one religion I have ever followed throughout the whole of my present lifetime. I believe that in the final analysis every human soul, during it stays on the physical plane of life, is bound to be a needy one. Everybody’s desire for finding a better understanding of the purpose and meaning of our present existence is great. After all, the reason for finding ourselves on the Earth plane is that we should gradually grow into ever more enlightened beings. Each one of us eventually has to find and develop their own philosophy of life that sustains them through the inevitable ups and downs of life.

    With love and light,
  18. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Re: There is only one religion


    There is so much that i do not agree with you in what may be referred to as a religious manner, that it wouldmbe better if we did not discuss it any further........

    One i do not accept that at all

    One exists on every level of consciousness, as a different entity.

    Human .....souls are not human........humanity is nothing more than an overcoat worn to be able to exist in the snowstorm of humanity.

    Sorry , Raoul
  19. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    Re: There is only one religion

    Dear Sadcat,

    In my view, it is bad practise to leave things to fester, when there are differences of opinion. This applies especially to friendships- old or new ones - if we value them. After all, the true test of whether a friendship really is worthy of its name is whether we can tell each other when something does not suit us. It is alright to have conflicts. They are necessary and lead to growth and learning. What is not right is refusing to communicate with each other in a loving spirit. Our Creator has blessed each one of us with a share of natural intelligence for good purpose, and we are required to learn to apply it to whatever we may encounter.

    I believe that it is wrong to fall out with each other because of differences of opinion. Having looked at a situation from all angles, it is all right to agree to disagree and still remain friends. Whenever disputes arise, wise ones remind themselves that two people can be confronted with exactly the same things and topics and perceive them in totally different ways. Depending on the way someone looks at something, both participants can be right and both can be wrong, at the same time. Because of the different lessons we all are on the Earth plane to learn, that’s the way life has to be for human beings. Accepting this helps the wise ones to make peace. They know that when there is goodwill on both sides, any argument can be settled peacefully, if only by accepting each other’s point of view, even though they differ.

    With love and light,
  20. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Re: There is only one religion


    Okay -

    You said - that there is one religion.
    I reject your statement that there is only one religion.
    And I consider that you cannot make statements like that and expect anyone to agree with you now or ever.

    You say there is one race. I completely reject that too. There are plenty of worlds besides this puny planet. And there are plenty of other races of sentiant beings.

    You say there is one God. WOW ! You have a lot of guts making such a rediculous statement. Even you must know - somewhere in your brain that you are in trouble making such rediculous statements.
    So many people believe in different Gods.
    Do not tell me that they are all the same God.
    For I do not even agree that your idea of God - is even God in any manner.

    I really do not believe that this discussion is productive in any manner.
    It is just making me very angry.
    And I did not come to these forums to get angry.

    We do need to end this discussion .
    If we cannot end it soon - I will Block you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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