I'm new on SF. I'm 49 years old, and I don't recall ever feeling okay. I was an extremely anxious child. I was an anorexic teenager. Now, I think about suicide daily. I've never been able to hold down a job. I have NOTHING to offer the world. People don't like to have me around. I get on their nerves or make them angry. I'm odd. I am perhaps programmed for self destruction. I do not want to be here. I don't want anything. I'm afraid God hates me.