Hi, my name is Lonelychronicpainman. I'm a new member.
I often hear people say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if your problem is not temporary?
I have been suffering from severe debilitating chronic pain for 3 years, with little improvement. I'm only 24 years old so the idea of living with this condition till I die is unacceptable. I have an undetermined muscular disorder of an unknown etiology. Since the doctors cannot figure out why this condition started or what it is, they have been unable to treat it effectively. I've seen many doctors and read numerous articles about chronic pain and possible conditions I might have with no avail.
My symptoms include chronic pain, muscle spasms, and tightness. One of the worse things about my disorder is that the symptoms intensify when I engage in physical activity, sit for prolonged periods of time, or become anxious. Prior to the development of my condition, I was extremely active. I exercised literally everyday. I worked part-time and attended school full-time with the intention of becoming a physical therapist. Because of my severe chronic pain, I've had to reduce my schedule to part-time school, part-time work, and NO physical activity.
As previously stated, my symptoms intensify when I become anxious. I've always had social anxiety (long before my muscular disorder). But now, when I become anxious I have to deal with the psychological and physiological issues. For example, approaching a lovely lady can create enough anxiety to cause my neck muscles to spasm and tighten up. These visible symptoms cause me even more anxiety and cause me to withdrawal futher from others due to embarrassment.
Another depressing phenomenon of my muscular disorder is that I appear normal. Since I physically appear normal, people assume their is nothing wrong or that I'm faking it. Not only do I have to bear the physical pain, but also the social pain of people who assume I'm faking or over exaggerating the symptoms. Instead of empathy, people mostly feel spite, anger, pity, or annoyance with me.
As you can see, my muscular disorder has affected every aspect of my life in a negative way. I know there are people out their who are worse off than me. For example, there people who's pain is so severe and debilitating that they cannot even get out of bed. However, this does not help me feel any better. I would image that many of these individuals are either suicidal themselves, old, or have family that depends on them. I'm only 24 years old and have no one who depends on me (If I did, suicide would not be an option). I depend on my mother and father, since I cannot work a full-time job, but they do not need me. They claim to enjoy my company; however, I feel as though I'm only a burden.
If I was an old man, I think I could deal with the pain and disability better because I would recognize it as a part of aging. Additionally, I would know other people who are in the same situation and would be able to look back at my life with pride (assuming I was healthy as an adult). The retirement age is set a 65 because that is when most people start to develope health problems. People are not suppose to start suffering from chronic illness at the age of 24. I'm at the prime of my life, yet I cannot enjoy it.
As I said before, I do understand that some people (even youths) accept a life of chronic pain and disability; however, everybody has a different tolerance. For me, it is unacceptable to live a life with out a career, education, girlfriend, physical activity, and self-confidence. And yes, I do not think I could ever have a girlfriend in my current state. It's ture that a woman with low standards may be willing to date a man who cannot support himself or participate in activities; but I could never tolerate being a burden in a relationship. I've always dreamed of being a blessing not a burden.
Everything I've dreamed of has been taken from me. Since my symptoms increase when engaging in physical activity, I cannot play sports or exercise at all. Since my symptoms worsen when I'm in socially situations, it difficult for me to approach women, go to social gathering, and give oral presentations. Since my symptoms worsen after sitting for prolonged periods of time, I cannot study as much or take as many classes as I need to pursue the career I'm interested in. Lastly, I cannot work a full-time job because it involves either too much physical activity or too much sitting. In summary, I can no longer do the things I need to do or enjoy to doing.
I've been treating my muscular condition for 3 years and I intend to continue treating it; however, my patients is wearing thin. I have no intention of commiting suicide in the very near future; however, I will not accept a lifetime of severe debilitating pain. At most, (if my muscular disorder does not improve) I will stick around for 1 year. A permanent problem requires a permanet solution
Questions
Does anyone else under the age of 30 (people older than 30 can respond too) suffer from severe chronic pain, illness, or disability?
If you do, what gives you the will to live?
What do you-all think about permanent solutions to truly permanent problems?
I often hear people say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if your problem is not temporary?
I have been suffering from severe debilitating chronic pain for 3 years, with little improvement. I'm only 24 years old so the idea of living with this condition till I die is unacceptable. I have an undetermined muscular disorder of an unknown etiology. Since the doctors cannot figure out why this condition started or what it is, they have been unable to treat it effectively. I've seen many doctors and read numerous articles about chronic pain and possible conditions I might have with no avail.
My symptoms include chronic pain, muscle spasms, and tightness. One of the worse things about my disorder is that the symptoms intensify when I engage in physical activity, sit for prolonged periods of time, or become anxious. Prior to the development of my condition, I was extremely active. I exercised literally everyday. I worked part-time and attended school full-time with the intention of becoming a physical therapist. Because of my severe chronic pain, I've had to reduce my schedule to part-time school, part-time work, and NO physical activity.
As previously stated, my symptoms intensify when I become anxious. I've always had social anxiety (long before my muscular disorder). But now, when I become anxious I have to deal with the psychological and physiological issues. For example, approaching a lovely lady can create enough anxiety to cause my neck muscles to spasm and tighten up. These visible symptoms cause me even more anxiety and cause me to withdrawal futher from others due to embarrassment.
Another depressing phenomenon of my muscular disorder is that I appear normal. Since I physically appear normal, people assume their is nothing wrong or that I'm faking it. Not only do I have to bear the physical pain, but also the social pain of people who assume I'm faking or over exaggerating the symptoms. Instead of empathy, people mostly feel spite, anger, pity, or annoyance with me.
As you can see, my muscular disorder has affected every aspect of my life in a negative way. I know there are people out their who are worse off than me. For example, there people who's pain is so severe and debilitating that they cannot even get out of bed. However, this does not help me feel any better. I would image that many of these individuals are either suicidal themselves, old, or have family that depends on them. I'm only 24 years old and have no one who depends on me (If I did, suicide would not be an option). I depend on my mother and father, since I cannot work a full-time job, but they do not need me. They claim to enjoy my company; however, I feel as though I'm only a burden.
If I was an old man, I think I could deal with the pain and disability better because I would recognize it as a part of aging. Additionally, I would know other people who are in the same situation and would be able to look back at my life with pride (assuming I was healthy as an adult). The retirement age is set a 65 because that is when most people start to develope health problems. People are not suppose to start suffering from chronic illness at the age of 24. I'm at the prime of my life, yet I cannot enjoy it.
As I said before, I do understand that some people (even youths) accept a life of chronic pain and disability; however, everybody has a different tolerance. For me, it is unacceptable to live a life with out a career, education, girlfriend, physical activity, and self-confidence. And yes, I do not think I could ever have a girlfriend in my current state. It's ture that a woman with low standards may be willing to date a man who cannot support himself or participate in activities; but I could never tolerate being a burden in a relationship. I've always dreamed of being a blessing not a burden.
Everything I've dreamed of has been taken from me. Since my symptoms increase when engaging in physical activity, I cannot play sports or exercise at all. Since my symptoms worsen when I'm in socially situations, it difficult for me to approach women, go to social gathering, and give oral presentations. Since my symptoms worsen after sitting for prolonged periods of time, I cannot study as much or take as many classes as I need to pursue the career I'm interested in. Lastly, I cannot work a full-time job because it involves either too much physical activity or too much sitting. In summary, I can no longer do the things I need to do or enjoy to doing.
I've been treating my muscular condition for 3 years and I intend to continue treating it; however, my patients is wearing thin. I have no intention of commiting suicide in the very near future; however, I will not accept a lifetime of severe debilitating pain. At most, (if my muscular disorder does not improve) I will stick around for 1 year. A permanent problem requires a permanet solution
Questions
Does anyone else under the age of 30 (people older than 30 can respond too) suffer from severe chronic pain, illness, or disability?
If you do, what gives you the will to live?
What do you-all think about permanent solutions to truly permanent problems?
