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Permanent solution to a permanent problem

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anonymous2, Nov 7, 2006.

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  1. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    Hi, my name is Lonelychronicpainman. I'm a new member.

    I often hear people say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What if your problem is not temporary?

    I have been suffering from severe debilitating chronic pain for 3 years, with little improvement. I'm only 24 years old so the idea of living with this condition till I die is unacceptable. I have an undetermined muscular disorder of an unknown etiology. Since the doctors cannot figure out why this condition started or what it is, they have been unable to treat it effectively. I've seen many doctors and read numerous articles about chronic pain and possible conditions I might have with no avail.

    My symptoms include chronic pain, muscle spasms, and tightness. One of the worse things about my disorder is that the symptoms intensify when I engage in physical activity, sit for prolonged periods of time, or become anxious. Prior to the development of my condition, I was extremely active. I exercised literally everyday. I worked part-time and attended school full-time with the intention of becoming a physical therapist. Because of my severe chronic pain, I've had to reduce my schedule to part-time school, part-time work, and NO physical activity.

    As previously stated, my symptoms intensify when I become anxious. I've always had social anxiety (long before my muscular disorder). But now, when I become anxious I have to deal with the psychological and physiological issues. For example, approaching a lovely lady can create enough anxiety to cause my neck muscles to spasm and tighten up. These visible symptoms cause me even more anxiety and cause me to withdrawal futher from others due to embarrassment.

    Another depressing phenomenon of my muscular disorder is that I appear normal. Since I physically appear normal, people assume their is nothing wrong or that I'm faking it. Not only do I have to bear the physical pain, but also the social pain of people who assume I'm faking or over exaggerating the symptoms. Instead of empathy, people mostly feel spite, anger, pity, or annoyance with me.

    As you can see, my muscular disorder has affected every aspect of my life in a negative way. I know there are people out their who are worse off than me. For example, there people who's pain is so severe and debilitating that they cannot even get out of bed. However, this does not help me feel any better. I would image that many of these individuals are either suicidal themselves, old, or have family that depends on them. I'm only 24 years old and have no one who depends on me (If I did, suicide would not be an option). I depend on my mother and father, since I cannot work a full-time job, but they do not need me. They claim to enjoy my company; however, I feel as though I'm only a burden.

    If I was an old man, I think I could deal with the pain and disability better because I would recognize it as a part of aging. Additionally, I would know other people who are in the same situation and would be able to look back at my life with pride (assuming I was healthy as an adult). The retirement age is set a 65 because that is when most people start to develope health problems. People are not suppose to start suffering from chronic illness at the age of 24. I'm at the prime of my life, yet I cannot enjoy it.

    As I said before, I do understand that some people (even youths) accept a life of chronic pain and disability; however, everybody has a different tolerance. For me, it is unacceptable to live a life with out a career, education, girlfriend, physical activity, and self-confidence. And yes, I do not think I could ever have a girlfriend in my current state. It's ture that a woman with low standards may be willing to date a man who cannot support himself or participate in activities; but I could never tolerate being a burden in a relationship. I've always dreamed of being a blessing not a burden.

    Everything I've dreamed of has been taken from me. Since my symptoms increase when engaging in physical activity, I cannot play sports or exercise at all. Since my symptoms worsen when I'm in socially situations, it difficult for me to approach women, go to social gathering, and give oral presentations. Since my symptoms worsen after sitting for prolonged periods of time, I cannot study as much or take as many classes as I need to pursue the career I'm interested in. Lastly, I cannot work a full-time job because it involves either too much physical activity or too much sitting. In summary, I can no longer do the things I need to do or enjoy to doing.

    I've been treating my muscular condition for 3 years and I intend to continue treating it; however, my patients is wearing thin. I have no intention of commiting suicide in the very near future; however, I will not accept a lifetime of severe debilitating pain. At most, (if my muscular disorder does not improve) I will stick around for 1 year. A permanent problem requires a permanet solution


    Does anyone else under the age of 30 (people older than 30 can respond too) suffer from severe chronic pain, illness, or disability?
    If you do, what gives you the will to live?

    What do you-all think about permanent solutions to truly permanent problems?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Do you get any physiotherapy treatment, like massages and hydro spa?

    How about looking into acupuncture. I suffer with arthritis of the spine, a chronic condition that was greatly eased by all the above, but the acupuncture actually took the damn pain away.
  3. I'm sorry about your condition.

    I think all adults should have the right to die. Of course, such things should never be taken lightly, but humane methods should be available. Without them, people who truly want to die will likely try unsound methods, endangering others, and possibly surviving with terrible consequences.

    Devastated, do you still need regular acupuncture to stop the pain? I'm trying acupuncture to help with my sleeping.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I feel your pain, not to sound cliched, but I really do. It must feel awful being relegated to the sidelines, unable to do the things you used to do so easily. However, I must take exception to your statement about 'only a woman of low standards dating a man who can't even engage in physical activity'. I consider my standards to be rather high, but I'd far rather date a man with PHYSICAL limitations than EMOTIONAL limitations. I'm sure I'm not the only woman on earth who feels this way. I've dated guys that could be called 'gorgeous' but they were ugly inside, the opposite is also true. If I were in your shoes I'd rather wait for a woman who accepted me for who I truly was than just go out with any female, even/especially those who would think less of me because of a physical disability. Just my opinion, but appearance is just that: appearance. I care more about what lies beneath.

    I'm sorry to hear of your physical pain and disabilities. I would also ask, as did the previous respondant, had you tried any "unconventional" treatments? If it were me, I wouldn't give up all hope til I'd exhausted all avenues... and there are many avenues that I"m sure you've not been told of.

    Please don't give up all hope, not ALL of it. Keep a little, cause I do believe, even when I don't believe it, that so long as there's life, there's hope. Really.

    Please keep coming back here to vent and scream and cry on our shoulders, if you so choose. There's always someone here to listen to you and empathize with you. We're not professionals, but we're experienced empathetic listeners.

    sending you love and hope,

    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2006
  5. the_dream

    the_dream Guest

    life itself is not permanent so killing yourself can only end a temporary problem, but do what you like man
  6. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    I've tried many unconventional treatments including the one's metioned by Devastated.

    I haven't given up all hope yet; however, I hope for the best but expect the worse. In other words, I will continue to try and heal, but I'm also making plans for a permanent solution.
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well I don't know what to say. Personally I feel that just because my problems are psychological it does not make them any less permanent. But that is an argument waiting to happen.

    I would hate to break it to you but life is always unacceptable in some form or another. You sound to me like the kind of person who will always want more. You lust after a dream and then when you finally have it you start up on another dream. I guess that is an ok thing to have it keeps you motivated but you will never be quite happy. You should just do what I do and settle for less. Instead of being pissed that you have so little. Find a way to be content with it. At least you have something.

    On a side note, if a female would leave you just because you cannot support her finacially then she is a gold-digger and is not worth your time. A relationship is about getting to know a person and sharing time with them. Not about feeding them and putting a roof over their heads. But I have never had a real friend much less a significant other maybe I am just dumb.

    Anyway, I feel that any solution is fine. And very well your problem could be a temporary one. Just a very long temporary one. I feel that you need to do what is right for you and only for you. There comes a time when you must choose yourself over others. Despite what everyone will tell you it is not selfish to choose yourself.... well it is but you know what I mean.
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I have it everytime my damn discs slip again. most of the time now I'm back conscious so don't damage myself too often, however every now and again I forget and do a no no move and whoosh the discs are out. Have to have physio and then I have the acupuncture for the pain.
  9. Taciturn

    Taciturn Member


    Does anyone else under the age of 30 (people older than 30 can respond too) suffer from severe chronic pain, illness, or disability?
    If you do, what gives you the will to live?

    What do you-all think about permanent solutions to truly permanent problems?

    I'm under 30 and permanent physical problems are my reason for being suicidal, although my problems are different from yours. I am in no physical pain: my brain was seriously damaged by a prescription drug -- my ears ring 24/7, I have no sexual sensation or libido, no appetite, I experience no pleasure in anything, severe anxiety, and I seriously want to die. My will to live isn't really there, I suppose the only reasons I haven't killed myself are that I thought there was some slight chance I would get better. And, that I don't want to hurt my family. I do think that in some cases, suicide is justified.
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