Persecuted for real

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by fosty, Jan 16, 2015.

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  1. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I'm being persecuted by some of the members of my spiritual community. I stand in a role of leadership and I am currently having other people's wounds projected at me. I'm being accused by one faction of being a dictator. I'm accused by the other of not being enough of a dictator. Seriously, I'm not making this up! This has been started by backstairs gossip based on assumption and misunderstandings and little factions of discontent have started up.

    I'm able to deal with problems much better than I used to. I can remain reasonably calm even when I'm angry and I can face confrontation OK. Not easy but I don't run away. But today I'm alone. And I suddenly feel the weight of my solitude pressing down upon me. I can turn to no one because to appear vulnerable is to leave myself open to the 'weakness' accusation. If I'm removed from my position unjustly I will have no choice but to walk away because the system will have been proved to me to be unworkable, and not half as 'spiritual' as it claims to be. And I will also loose the thing I love the most in the world.

    So death is seeming very appealing to me right now. To exist on this world is so difficult and so painful and I have it easy compared to some. To work towards being a light bringer is so incredibly hard I fear it is beyond my resources to manage it. And the hardest thing is to stand and face the poor opinion of others and not mind it. To have the strength within myself to carry on through the injustice that threatens me. I am feeling very vulnerable and very alone. I would like someone to hold me and to hear me. I dream for a partner but that is simply saying I can't look after myself. Why are the people on this planet so quick to hate and mistrust and so hard to love? I hope I die from some accident so it's not suicide. I hope some God or Goddess or other will kick me onto the right path. I feel the horror of failure and seeming failure falling onto my shoulders. I need help. :sorrow:
     
  2. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    feel embarrassed now. never been so lonely that i can remember
     
  3. Adam

    Adam SF Supporter

    Hey Buddy I will have a response for you soon. It is a bit blunt though but it is honest. Don't feel embarrassed for having a need to be heard. I can also think of two very good people to talk with about spiritual matters, they walk their talk and if I believed in souls they have beautiful ones at that. I will poke them towards your thread.
     
  4. Adam

    Adam SF Supporter

    Hi there. Here goes.

    Welcome to being in a position of leadership. In all honesty if both are accusing you of opposite things, you likely are actually taking a moderate position which more often than not is the most flexible and sensible way to be. You cannot be all things to every one. Nor is that even your role. Favouring one extreme over another is equally no better. You can only do the best you can with the understanding you have.

    Challenge the gossip and put it to bed. Flat out hold a meeting or something and blatantly recant the gossip as you know it to be. Confront those gossips not in a threatening way, but ask them for the evidence of what they are implying against you. If the accusation is that you are weak ask them to define what is it exactly that makes you weak in their eyes and what could be done to improve that. This is hard to take but most things that are hard to listen to have a learning experience within them. Basically you shift the onus on them to come up with solutions, you expose all the gossip for what it is or find where the truth lays. You may even have to eat crow, do it if it comes to light that you have indeed failed in some capacity that you can now admit to. But then after shift the onus to others for what they feel would be the best positive solution forward instead of going on the defensive. If you are asking and listening to advice, you cannot be a dictator. You are also not too soft for exposing the gossip. Managing people is a difficult balance. Some one will always assume you are doing it horribly wrong. Then you have the rabidly fanatical that can't see your failures at all. Balance my friend.

    Yes life is hard and you may well have it easy in comparison to children being blown up with phosphorus based weaponry. But you are here because you are here. Light workers have a role to assist and nurture others and spread self love. (I had to look up the meaning.) The message you send by killing yourself over this is you do not have your own self love. Besides don't you just come back again any way to learn the same lessons?

    Spirituality aside. You have the capacity to reach people in a positive way. You likely did not attain your position out of sheer happen stance, you sound like you wanted it and it seems to define you quite fiercely. If you have that level of passion for it, fight for it. But know leadership in any role is hard and painful and often lonely at times. Tough though, you have to shoulder that and get done what is necessary. If you want the easy road, go watch mind rot tv and work without thought.

    Then you have a skewed view of relationships and partnerships. I would also point out biological imperatives. But no matter. If that is what would make you happy why not do it instead of viewing it as some reflection of weakness. Or examine where that feeling of perceived weakness comes from. I am doubtful it comes from a healthy place.

    Society shapes attitude, and the attitude of the day is greed is good, psychopathy is good. Money over people and a shallow focus on the self. This causes a lot of pain, and people in pain can go three ways, they break, become martyrs hell bent on healing every one else at their own expense, like that is a positive trait. Or resort to hate. Since hate is the in thing right now it is easy enough to see the way the wind is blowing, so light workers that fight the negative are more needed than ever.

    *
    Well even failure has its own lessons attached to it. Look for those lessons when you have failed and not before.

    I hope my input is helpful in some way. Take care of yourself don't surrender to the dark of your own doubts and the dark of this world. As that seems like the opposite of being a light worker to me.
     
  5. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    'Being a light worker chooses you, at least it did choose me. It's flattering I guess, but it's not a badge or a qualification it's an aspiration. When I die I hope to say 'I aspired to be a light worker' whether I succeeded or not shouldn't matter.


    Thank you for your comments Adam, you made some very good and clear points. much appreciated :)
     
  6. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    All my responses are in the bulk of the text above Adam, just haven't got the hang of the cut and paste thing yet :)
     
  7. Aquarius123

    Aquarius123 Well-Known Member

    The Long And Winding Road

    On the long and winding road through life there are times
    When decisions have to be made,
    Choices are hard to come by, solutions scarce
    And constant downpours threaten to ruin our parade.

    When that happens, all we can do is let go
    And move, praying for courage and strength,
    And then handing the lead over to the living God within,
    To show us the way forwards to a new dawn.

    With this help a way will always be found.
    And although it’s true that the process of change often is tough,
    We need to think about all the good things that lie ahead,
    If only we remain steadfast and patiently wait for them.

    Round the very next bend of the road
    There could be adventures we would never
    Have dared to imagine even in our wildest dreams.
    For those who dare to challenge the status quo
    Hopes and wishes may come true in ways we cannot yet perceive
    And new friendships found along the way.

    There are so many options in life,
    And different ways in which it is possible to grow.
    Perhaps we shall visit places we never thought existed or
    Explore things that have not been tried by anyone before.
    Maybe we’ll travel to fabulous faraway worlds
    And visit wondrous places where we find
    Warmth, affection, loving and caring
    From folks who could have been waiting for us.

    Maybe they will listen with interest
    To the experiences and feelings we have to share.
    In their midst we may find someone
    Who supports us in all we do
    And believes in us and the decisions we make,
    Because they know that they are good and wise for us,
    Even though they may not be for anyone else.

    Therefore, one foot in front of the other,
    Let’s take life one step and one day at a time,
    Confident that a brighter tomorrow is sure to come,
    As long as we trust and follow our inner guidance,
    Without ever looking back,
    For that’s not the way any one of us is meant to go.

    Anon.
    Edited by Aquarius

    From
    ‘Words Of Wisdom, Hope & Encouragement’

    * * *
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just wanted to give you a hug :hug: We do care even if we do not have the right words like me now :hug:
     
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Maybe facing death is an easier solution to deal with the complications that was thrown at you as a way to cope with stress?

    It's not a solution anyways but gossips and accusations are quite hard to deal with but that's what comes with the territory being in a leader role as a lot people have agendas to get on the upper pole to speak. Maybe you're just simply tired of it.
     
  10. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    Thanks :hugpounce:
     
  11. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    Leadership is just a role, you should be able to put it down easily and let someone else pick it up. But boy are there a few position seekers out there, who don't mind trying to undermine others to get what they want. I very nearly resigned today, but would that just make everything worse? hard to know what to do
     
  12. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Please find your inner strength and you will be strong yo face any persecution from others.
     
  13. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    What about taking a vacation and see if a break helps you revive your drive to lead?
     
  14. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I don't so much have a drive to lead as have a drive to create something workable that can be passed on. This is a brand new position that was created by the community. I'm the first to hold it so I've had to essentially define what it is. It's one role in four and all the others have been proved to work over several years. The onus is on me to make this workable. I can't really take a break. Either I resign or I carry on. It shouldn't be a job you have to work on every day it's just that recently it's been necessary.
     
  15. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Are you saying you want to be involved but not lead? Like the hand of the king or Vice President ?
     
  16. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    No. If I leave I leave. The position is a lot of hard work, not really much authority to speak of and you are answerable to the community when things go wrong. If someone else does it that's fine but everything's in a mess right now and I would be leaving my successor with a big mess to sort out which hardly seems fair. When I do leave I won't have any specific role as there is no vice president role as you put it :) I share the 'lead' role with 4 others in equality. WE work as a team
     
  17. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Fosty. Not meant to be said in a horrible way but you need to think of your own well being as you seemed to be suffering a lot. I understand of you working as a team but you come first. The mess can be sorted by others as you have dedicated your time and life to this organization. I understand your loyalty to the organization which is commendable but you just as important.

    You could suggest your are taking some time to get yourself together due to the pressures of life. The people should be forgiving and understanding. It's only a suggestion and in no way malice.

    Take care and be safe.
     
  18. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    It was a very kind suggestion, thank you. And you may well be right, we'll see :)
     
  19. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I finally decided to walk away. I found letting go of the job no great hardship. And the bickering and finger pointing is already being directed at someone else. Good luck to them all. My replacement will likely be one of the main trouble makers :)
     
  20. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Im glad you came out of it okay. Are you still going to be involved in the same community or look elsewhere
     
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