Every day, something reminds me of what it would be like if I was gone. Makes me wonder what a better place the world would be without me. Makes me think of some way I could make it look like an accident. Thoughts about me dying, and no one bothering to show up to a funeral. I just don't know how to keep myself distracted anymore. The more things I try the more I hurt myself and the more I think. It is always with me, that thought. It is always there and I can't keep pushing it away the way I have been. I need a new way to push away the thoughts, because they are growing and growing all the time, and soon I'm not quite sure I'll be able to stop them at all.