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Personal Accountability – Reclaiming Our Judgments, Projections And Ourselves

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I found this an interesting read, I thought I'd share it with you guys. I quoted and put down a few parts and a bit of commentary about my own life.

Now, with this understanding of personal boundaries, basically projection is this: If I am feeling negative (or positive) emotion and try to blame you for what I’m feeling, thinking, saying or doing, then I am projecting my “stuff” onto you. Generally, when we don't accept personal accountability for our feelings we judge others for doing things that we were shamed for doing in our childhood. We project our feelings of shame onto the other person and try to identify THEM as “bad” or “wrong” in a futile attempt to shield ourselves from our own shame and pain.
How Do We Project?

We give up personal accountability and play the blame game of projection in very creative ways, by:

-Attacking the other person. When our wounds are triggered, WE feel attacked and it can feel like attacking back is justified.
-Pretending to not be angry and trying to convince the other person that THEY are the one who is angry.
-Admitting to the other person we are angry but blaming them as the CAUSE of our anger.
-Trying to “fix” or change the other person so that we won’t have to feel the pain of our own wound.
-Shaming the other person so we don’t have to feel our own shame that was originally projected onto us.
-Withdrawing from the other person while blaming them for our upset.
-Depending on another person for our own wellbeing and attributing our experience of love to them.

Sound familiar? Don’t feel bad if it does! We all unconsciously give up personal accountability and practice various forms of projection at one time or another. The only way to stop doing it is to bring awareness and love to our inner wounds.

Understanding how you project can be very helpful, if you have the courage to look at it. But all forms of projection can be boiled down to one simple message: ‘It’s not about me. It’s about you.’ That’s the content. I am refusing to look at my stuff and trying to hand it to you.”
Projection is a mechanism of denial. When we focus outwardly on the “other” person, it is a (usually unconscious) attempt to keep us from feeling the intensity of our own wounds.

Revenge is actually a form of projection you deny responsiblity for your own pain and your cope by "projecting it on to someone else" because your the victim you feel it's about "THEM"... Regardless of the person who wronged you was a minor is actually a very righteous person who just wanted to be left alone.....

A few comments about my own life....

I even did this myself because I was suffering deep trauma, and a delusion aka temporary psychosis from all of the abuse I had suffered due to convoluted revenge plot. Everyone was projecting their pain or their friends, people they were loyal to on to me... I was scapegoated...... Do to all the harm I had experienced and some physical suffering I thought these people were "evil enough" to do something like give me the "final blow" of getting someone to intentionally..give me HIV... It may sound a bit ridiculous but I had a very strange illness and horrible physical symtpoms on top of all the abuse I had been through. I projected all of my pain and suffering on to others in a way it could be seen as "revenge" however I was in such a horrible state I was in the mental hospital for a few weeks only days before.... I became obsessed which is what can happen after when experiences trauma..

The whole revenge plot and the way I got set up and drugged and attacked was stupid as well because it was done in a way where someone with idealistic views like my mom who had already labeled me to some degree didn't give me the benefit of the doubt about the abuse. There was no "hard proof" I was already labeled and judged from my past issues. She was projecting her stuff on to me... Not giving the victim the benefit of the doubt is a secondary form of victimization. Nice people feel bad thinking bad thoughts about anyone, they actually feel guilty... With dangerous women and men this is seen as a weakness one can exploit, something they can take advantage off. It was second degree assualt with a weapon and drugging.... Then the woman who had toyed with me I sort of confronted her about a few things after she abandoned me like a psychopath would.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

I called her out on a few things and she even used, DARVO on me. Looking back she was throwing in crptic hints to warn me they "minimized harm" against me and if I did anything back they would further retaliate, however at the time I saw it as a threat that their was possibly more to come. When you're in a twisted revenge plot and their are many many people involved in it you think the whole world is out to get you and you don't know how far people will go...

This was before I finally went "crazy"...with my delusion/ temporary psychosis...

When you feel you're a righteous person with good intentions, morals and you're hurting you project you're problems onto others. This can lead to revenge even if it was from stuff from quite a few years ago. Revenge in simple terms is projecting your hurt and pain onto someone you've deemed deserving of it(rationalization).

For example, like many of us, as a child I received negative feedback and shaming from extremely wounded parents. They projected their feelings of worthlessness onto me. Like all small children, I wasn’t mature enough to see the truth – that their perceptions of me had nothing to do with the truth. I wasn’t stupid, ugly, clutzy or unimportant. They felt that way about THEMSELVES! They had never been exposed to this type of work that you and I are doing right now. Accepting personal accountability wasn't a concept they were even aware of. They unconsciously projected their own shame onto me and my brothers.
“Please remember that all authentic spiritual practice begins with the cultivation of love for and acceptance of yourself. Don’t try to love other people before you learn to love yourself. You won’t be able to do it. When someone comes into your life who pushes all your buttons, don’t try to love that person. Just don’t blame him or make him an enemy. Simply acknowledge that he pushes your buttons and ask for time to be with your feelings.”

As we practice personal accountability for our own feelings and healing, we discover that we love others exactly the way we love ourselves. If I’m judging, blaming and attacking you, it is because I’m judging, blaming and attacking myself. If I’m struggling to love you, then I’m having a hard time loving the part of me that you reflect to me.

Furthermore, if I’m judging and blaming myself, I’m also doing that to God / Source. No matter who it looks like we’re “relating” with – an “other” person, ourselves, or Source – all of it is Us being reflected back to Us, mirroring to us how we feel about and treat ourselves. The purpose of “relationships” is to show us where we need to heal and bring love to ourselves. Basically, we all live in a world of mirrors!

“All judgment reveals itself to be self-judgment in the end, and when this is understood a larger comprehension of the nature of life takes its place.”

For example people with a superiority complex or illusory superiority will often judge people based on superficial things. Such as looks or being overweight. They project their superiority onto others thus judging them as inferior, this fuels the fire about them feeling better about themselves.

At the end of the day a judgment is merely an opinion, a perspective or a point of view. What's acceptable to one person may not be acceptable to another. It's all about how we view things not how they really are....
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