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Personal Decay!!

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I am 25 I have a good education, a well paid job but I am not happy at all. I've got a few people who cares for me and love me. What the hell is wrong with me? I seem to make bad choices all the time and I can not commit to people, I basically have no friends. I know people have a lot more reason to be depressed but still I have dark thoughts and I feel like I am lost in the fog. Nothing to look forward to, nothing makes me happy anymore. I have lost my smile and the faith in myself. I used to smile and love life only a coupple of years ago.
I feel I am on the road to the personal decay.

Personal Decay

I lost my track along the way
I've got no place to be, lost my identity
This malady is killing me, such a moral leprosy
Voices in my head, they are screaming;
“Life is meant to be wasted, love fails and death is useless”
On and on and on and on and on
This is not my home. Tell me where I belong!

I am on my way
To the personal decay
My life goes down the drain
My effort was in vain

I had a dream, but I lost it
I had a vision but I simply forgot it
There's a shadow hanging over me
I'm like an orphan child longing for company
I'm trying my best to keep it all together,
But I hear the voices that goes on forever
Lord if you hear me, I'm begging you please
When I take my last breath, give me peace

I am on my way
To the personal decay
My life goes down the drain
My effort was in vain


Antiquitie's Friend
I actually wasn't sure why I first came onto this site, I felt I was living a good life, didn't have any real problems and have often asked myself what I was doing logged in here. I guess it was because I'd simply shut myself off from the rest of the world, for the best part of 10 years I just simply didn't feel anything, I never laughed, never cried, never felt happy or sad, never loved but never felt lonely, just nothing really. I never considered suicide 'cos I felt I was kind of dead anyway.

I don't know whether it comes from feeling that I can now talk honestly to people 'cos from being unable to express emotion in the 'real' world I'm now frequently posting rants in the 'virtual' world. Suddenly I feel angry and sad and these feelings initially consumed me and made me feel a lot worse about myself, I've spent many sleepless nights trying to understand myself and the world I live in and I now feel there's a kind of calm after the storm. The positive emotions are there too, they're just less noticable at first, I had to search hard but there is a part of me that can be caring, that can be happy too and it helps me to focus on that.
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