I'm sure this has been discussed before, but seeing as how i'm sitting around in a dealership's waiting room having my car looked at i figured i might as well go ahead and post it. i know for my part that i have no reason to be as depressed relative to other people's suffering. however, there is a part of me which does and perhaps always will tell me that i'm worthless, useless, and a complete piece of shit who will never be able to be happy with and/or around people. completely incapable of actually being loved. to a degree i think we really need to learn to identify when we are behaving like this. i know it is very hard when you have nobody around to talk too or even do something as simple as go see a movie with, but what it boils down too is interactivity on a personal level. the biggest mistake you can make is meeting people and making friends based solely on the premise of depression, because thats what the foundation of your friendship with that person will be built on. i say all of this but i can only speak from experience. i just spent all morning moaning and groaning about myself, saying that the people around me only talk to me because they are just being polite and have absolutely no interest in me beyond that. that because of that i should just kill myself. i'm not quite sure why i haven't. i think a large part of it is just everything being so bottled up, myself assuming that i'm unlovable and that people just automatically dislike me. although i guess something can be said about how you feel about yourself is how others view you, i supposed i'm just waiting for somebody to see me beyond the self-hate. there is something there, i just need to figure out how to bring it to the surface, if only for a small while. so i don't know. at some level i guess i will always be depressed, its just part of who i am (and part of who my mother is, thank you very much ). maybe i'll just invent a way to correct chemical imbalances and styles of thinking and make millions. maybe i'll just go home and play video games. who knows.