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Personality types

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Deleted SKU, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    I'm not quite sure where to go with this train of thought, so forgive me first if it's rather back and forth.

    The crux of it though, is I hate being an introvert. Or at least it might be more accurate to say I hate living life as an introvert, I'm really not sure if I am. I mean I enjoy solitary pastimes, but more often than not they lead me in to a spiral of isolation and negative thought, where actually going out and interacting with people energizes me... at least until the self-doubt kicks in. It's hard, I'm good with words, but they don't seem to exist for how I feel. Sometimes I feel like it's attention seeking, though it's not really acclaim or anything that makes me feel better, it's just time. Someone spends the time to talk to me, I open up... I've got few barriers really, beyond the big shadowy castle walls of my enforced introvercy. I mean sometimes it doesn't work, but that bit is life.

    I think I need to explain a bit more, this particular track my thoughts have been going down started yesterday, when being stuck on a bus ride full of extroverted people. Which sounds weird as I say it, but it's just how it happened to be. Strangers just starting to talk to each other... I just don't get how people do that. I mean, I get the theory, I overheard the conversations, it just perplexes me.

    Maybe it's just lack of social skills. I'm not good at asking questions or keeping a conversation going... and I can be pretty hard work to deal with too. But it only seems to last that way while I am thinking about it. Maybe there lies the desire I've had to drink more lately, less thought seems to mean more happiness. And that's a dangerous path... I don't have an addictive personality, but thoughts like that have to be carefully managed, so I don't get to the point where I don't have a choice in the matter.

    In general though, I feel like I am falling apart. My life is poor, but at least it's kind of steady right now. I'm just sick of the loneliness, and sick of being unable to do anything about it. It kind of feels like this comic.


    I shouldn't be helpless in this situation, but I am. It should be as easy as going out there, talking to people... but it isn't. All the 'advice' under the sun isn't going to change that, when so many people can be oblivious to the feelings of others that way... I think that's more a general thought about some of the sort of comments I've read recently, ignore me, I'm not being too coherent here. Fuck, I'm not even sure where I was going with this now. Just lamenting the past. I've messed up so many friendships, so many relationships, by being me... and now for a cycle of self-pity, so I'm going to shut up for now before I say anything worse.
  2. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I've often wondered about the genuineness of the supposed myers&briggs personality tests. Mine said INTP twice couple years apart. And is it like fortune cookies? Maybe anybody who takes one of those tests and then reads about their type always nods their head, like it was written for them. But from what I can tell, introverted personalities seem to be more neurotic or perhaps tied to disorders in general. It's hard to see it any other way.

    One thing about what you say here is this part:
    The bolded part is what's always perplexed me. If I'm an introvert why do I generally feel better when I get out?

    But there seems to be something inbetween me and life. Confidence is harder to for me to gain. Sure, I feel it when I get out into the big world and/or challenge myself--and succeed. But somehow it's always so much easier to get absorbed in a fantasy or the computer and those always seem to make things worse.

    It seems to me like hte things which're good for me and I know are good for me are paradoxically harder to get myself to do. Once I do them, I can see and feel the benefit, but getting to that point is tough. It's like work. Work feels good once you've done it. For me, 99% of work is showing up. 99% is just getting the job.

    99% of this is not what happens after you're out there, but what happens before you go out there.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2015
  3. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Sorry my last sentence used 'you' and I meant me.

    I've battled with social things all my life. Your post vibrated. Especially the part about not thinking you can carry a conversation. With me, I'm like "ya" and "uh huh" too much. If I think of something to say, it's long after the conversation is in a coma. And many times it has nothing to do with anything nearby or recent.

    My advice to you is keep going out there. Even if all you do is ride the bus and listen. It's the same advice I'd give to myself. Keep challenging yourself. Don't give up. Don't do like I too often do and surrender to a computer.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2015
  4. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    It's too late as far as that goes, almost all of my time away from work is spent online, and has been for years. I've adapted, it was easier to be 'social' online, but nowadays I have the same anxiety over it as I do real life socializing. I'm not a huge one for personality tests, but I call myself introverted because I am primarily introspective, analytical about speaking most of the time, and trust is of absolute importance to me. But I'm not sure if its right, because I don't necessarily get gratification from being that way, rather stability perhaps... extroverted behaviour tends to get more extremes out of me, from being happier when it's right, to being much worse when things go wrong including anything involving others.

    *sigh* I almost feel like I need to invent language when trying to explain things like this. The concepts seem simple enough to me as I experience them, but take so much clarification, cutting up concepts... or just a degree in psychology.

    I guess the problem with keeping going is that I've run out of energy for it. I've been doing it for too long with no success, and need some other approach... and giving up completely seems like the one which will be easiest to go with.
  5. shadowonthewall

    shadowonthewall Well-Known Member

    I can relate. I'm extremely lonely with no friends at the moment. I can't understand how people can manage to have regular conversations lasting hours. I have managed to endure 3 hour conversation sessions by IM or phone with friends and people that I've been considering dating. I can do that a few times and then I hit that wall illustrated in the cartoon. I've run completely and irrevocably out of things to say...exhausted every topic for conversation. But usually, I come up against that wall immediately, as I'm just too scared of being judged as 'boring' to make any effort at all to speak with someone and I don't even have one friend (like the nice mouse in the cartoon) to console me. I think that if I had a way to solve this problem and have just one close friend or a boyfriend, I would no longer be suicidal, even though I'd still be an abject failure in every other way.
  6. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    The times I've found that conversations lasted longest with people, is when they have been around a shared interest, or are around some other sort of activity. That's why I've done a bit of board gaming and computer gaming in the past, because it makes it far easier to talk around the shared activity, and often bits and pieces of 'natural' conversation can grow around it. It's only a partial solution, one I've struggled with more recently, and one that only really deals with surface stuff.

    And fear of judgement is definitely a big part of what puts me off too... at least with being close to honest with people. Online used to be easier, because people were only temporary... I could just go elsewhere if I felt uncomfortable in a place, but all of my significant friendships and relationships have had a basis of online, and as big a place as it is, I find myself running in to people in random places who I don't feel like I can talk to any more... so have become as stifled here as anywhere else.

    And yes, finding a connection with someone for a time certainly helps... it never solved my problems, but enabled me to make progress for a time, but then most people don't get that wall, especially when I tend to overdo it the other way to begin with. Try to talk too much, want to try to be the sort of person that someone else likes, until I hit that wall again... and when the person who could help me overcome that was the person I was unable to talk to because of the wall in the first place, it's just a set up for failure.
  7. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I can talk a long time with my brother. But we don't do small talk. We throw ideas around. Sometimes talk about healthcare. Or actors. Or jobs. Or philosophy. Or faith. Or family. Sometimes talk about our lives and what's going on.

    But we don't talk often, just when we visit. I've went for walks with him and talked for hours. We have things in common. He's not a social butterfly either. He's told me openly he doesn't strike up conversation with others well. He still doesn't have longterm close friends. But he does talk with coworkers and likes woman friends. On many levels my brother is a better person than I am. He has a job too. He's just no perfect. Who is?

    Sometimes I think a lot of the issues of loneliness stem from laziness or apprehension. Like I could get out more, but it's so much easier to stay on my computer--which I think inevitably is tied to loneliness. Maybe it's a disorder too which causes computers and things of this nature to be so much more attractive to me.

    And it goes way back... Even when I was in gradeschool, I'd get swallowed up in nintendo or other game consoles. Then we got a 486 monster in HS. I was always using it. I got teased a lot in gradeschool and HS. Social things were hard. Computers and gaming were much easier. It was a big computerized world. I programmed a lot and played games a lot. I chatted a lot too. I loved to chat because none of my fears were there. I was completely anonymous. And I expressed myself better in writing, I think. I did get to know some people, though. Mostly it was just for fun, not friendship. So there's only really one person I can remember from that time period. I forgot her name. She was a exchange student from malaysia in canada, if I rightly recall. She was programming; I liked that about her--programming was one of my major hobbies. She was doing video player last I remember--20 years ago at least.

    But in sum all those years on the nintendo or n64 or the pc meant I was sitting alone staring at something pushing buttons. I never developed the social skills I need to succeed in the world. Even if I started out with less social aptitude than most--on account of a disorder, it doesn't help my situation by neglecting to address it.

    So that's what I want to add. Computers are a blessing and a curse. They give us an escape, a safe place, but we won't gain the social skills we need. And gaming/internet can also become an addiction, making it even worse. If you you're addicted, it won't just be your social skills which suffer. (And what about exercise!!!????)

    I wasn't incapable of talking to people. I talked. I just didn't do it enough. Results is my social skills today are probably hte equivalent of a teenager. My internal wisdom might be greater--maybe--but socially I'm retarded. I simply cannot associate with people my age and expect to develop without being pushed away somehow. And that assumes they can look past everyting else--like my longterm unemployment.

    The other thing is I don't want to be seen by people who'll recognize me. I don't want them to know how much of a loser I am. I afraid of running into old classmates. And you know I try to compensate by dressing well becfause I want to look good. I want to look like I'm trying to be successful--and it does feel good. But thing is, it's just a costume. Right now I have no job and future is down the drain unless I can change course.

    So if I'm not going out to fill applications to get work then I tend not to get out unless it's for food.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2015
  8. What Ever

    What Ever Active Member

    I have hit that wall that you speak of many times. Sometimes I can't find anything to say and then people get mad and think that I don't like them which is not the case. I just feel so uninteresting and feel so selfish to speak a lot of the time or really just can't think of anything to say. I really find it hard to share things with people too. Sometimes I wonder what the point of conversation is. Yet human connection makes me feel good and I want it, but it also makes me so scared and can hurt me.