OK Where to start. Let get the details out of the way. I'm soon to be 40, and I'm gay, always have been always will be. The problem is I have never really come to terms with it, so I've spent the last 27 years, with that side of myself tucked away in little box in the darkest corner of my soul, the trouble is after all those years, the box is getting bigger and bigger and soon there will be nothing left in there but that big black dark empty box, where my soul should be. I've kind of had the video of my life on pause for so long, I'm not sure I will ever be able to get it going again. I never marrried, I've had very few sexual encounters, other than the odd teenage fumblings with boys and girls, and a couple of goes at straight sex just to get that out of the way really, then nothing................. for almost 20 years. I've spent my time hiding from life in my work, but now as I get older If find it harder to fool myself that I'm happy and content with what I have, a pritty empty life with no one in it apart from close family. So what to do thats the question, is 40 too old to come out of the closet, is being gay something that can only be done if youre less than 30, Is there any real chance a mans man like me, could every really be happy in that sort of relationship and at 40 is there any chance I could still find a cute young guy will to give it go, with a middle aged, tubby old fart like me. May be 27 years was a bit too long to spend thinking about this ! The trouble is now there is a big black box full of lonelyness, sadness, fear, heart ache, distrust and misery where my soul should be. Its like this whole other person I became to hide the fact I'm gay has taken over my life and I have no idea how to get it back ! But I do know this is a heavy burden to carry, living as a passenger as some one else lives your life, you can only shed so many tears after all.