Discussion in 'Appearance and Body Image' started by Cagla, Jan 26, 2018.

  1. Cagla

    Cagla Well-Known Member

    Hi, I am a sad looking person. I generally seem like I have so much issues in my mind, I do smile but. can I put this? Anyway I am not a cheerful person in general. I laugh hard when there is something funny but if not I seem sad or grumpy. Like grumpy cat... And as it can be understood from my posts, I do feel insecure and inferior among people. Especially women. I have a disgusting habit....I am so ashamed I cannot tell it but I try to fix it..
    Anyway I cannot handle it if someone wants to take photos with me. I have only 1 photo in my phone. I cannot even see the photos
    of mine. I disgust . Disgust. But friends sometimes want to have something shared. How can I help myself with it . I do know that's not a big deal and people have bigger issues. I do respect you, I accept that. But when everyone in a group want to have fun with it, I feel alienated and want to run. I want to live like a young person but...
    Sorry it will take your time :(
  2. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Awww, Cagla your post just brought a tear to my eye. Don't ever believe that your issues aren't a big deal; if they are to you, then they are to us.

    I have a very good friend who feels the same way you do about their image, especially in pictures. I suppose a lot of us do, I know I hate hearing my voice and seeing pics of me, but yours and my friends is an extreme case.

    I can't make it better for you, I wish I could, but I would say that what you see in yourself is not what others see. We are our own biggest critics. My friend is absolutely beautiful, very charismatic, and a wonderful person but she talks about herself the same way you do.

    I'd love to be able to give out the answer, but all I can offer is reassurance that you are not alone; and you are certainly not inferior to anyone! We are all unique. It is only media and society that want to "pigeon hole" us, putting us into categories rather than letting us shine as individuals!

    Take grumpy cat, look how damn cute he is! And yet it's because people are saying he looks you think the cat cares at all about what people think?? No. :)

    The only person criticising you, is you. I'm a miserable sod, and not exactly the shiniest spanner in the toolbox, but d'ya know what? I'm a damn good listener and I have a heart of gold (albeit slightly broken at the moment ;)).

    Find your inner peace and what lights you up. Be you. If you don't want pictures then don't, but make sure you build great memories and snap shot them in your mind. Life is an incredible journey, not a social media exercise! Enjoy it as best you can, and know that you are loved. X
  3. Cagla

    Cagla Well-Known Member

    Hey I almost cried....thank you, it was really inspiring to read. I feel its not a big problem because some people find it absurd or shallow ,I didn't want to hurt them. Anyway I try my best...its unbearable sometimes. Because I lost my whole high school , university times insulting myself ,hiding myself from everyone. These times won't come but there's no point in thinking past.
    So thank you again, I really needed this kind of warm answer. Thanks
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  4. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    No thanks necessary Cagla, you're one of the family...I just wish I could do more.

    That's an interesting thing you say there about how you feel it's not a big problem because some people find it absurd or shallow? Well those people aren't going through it. It's so easy to judge when you don't understand, and that's the beauty of this community. We all understand that we, in actual fact, cannot understand what another is going through...but we can sure as hell empathise with the pain and support each other as best we can.

    You're absolutely right about the past as well. I have lost so much time, and my kids, because of my issues; but to dwell on your past is simply to destroy your future. Everything that's gone is just a lesson in a book: read it, learn it, then put it on the shelf and get outside and continue your life using your new found knowledge!

    Keep your head up and smile; it doesn't have to be the biggest or brightest smile ever, it doesn't even have to be visible, just as long as you know it's there. Much love you. X
    Kira and Cagla like this.
  5. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Oh and hey, come along to Jim's Café forum and have one of my cupcakes, it might just cheer you up :)
    Cagla likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I talk to myself the way you talk about yourself. All I see is fat ad I try to see past it so I say to myself; would I judge someone else for being over weight? Absolutely not. Whether or not you think you are ugly, you have to love yourself first even your quirks before you can allow anyone else to love you.
    I often read your posts, you are intriguing, insightful, intelligent and a lovely person and I respect you as you are. Keep on being you, no one can ever replace you. Ever.
  7. MarkahMalady

    MarkahMalady Well-Known Member

    Ah @Cagla I know what you mean! I absolutely hate to have my picture taken. Even at a healthy weight, with nice hair and makeup I feel like I just look like an idiot. It's always something, always searching my flaws. It's so tiresome.
    I wish I could relax and be kind to myself, I hope you can do the same.
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  8. Cagla

    Cagla Well-Known Member

    I hope too.. I rather not to be taken photos :(
  9. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I can relate to everything you said. I hate seeing myself in pictures and videos are unbearable to watch. When I'm feeling down I even have a hard time looking in the mirror, I just see that ugly and tired loser looking back at me. I have learned though that others might not see it the same way. Recently I talked to a friend about my insecurities and she said "if only I could show you what I see when I look at you, you would be amazed".

    Remember that you are a beautiful person, others can see that even if you can't.
    Karmitkurmit and Cagla like this.