Recently of late, every time I've been feeling excessively bad (when I'm out of other options), I've gotten a small urge to cut. I haven't done it in about a month. I used to do it a lot, I have scars all over my left arm. and upper thighs, even some on the back of my calves. I stopped because I was afraid it would scare him away, which is what he told me. He told me it scared him being with such a self-destructive person, and he couldn't be in a relationship with me, but he'd still be my friend. I stopped for awhile on that request Being with him made me happy enough not to even think about it. What does it matter anymore though? He's done with me that way. I haven't cut yet but I'm getting there. Something I also used to do, I used to physically harm myself other ways, in some extreme cases I threw myself down our stairs. Last night I slammed my head into the wall until I had a headache al night, I used to do that a lot. I'm not so much looking for people to tell me it's bad, as I know this. I just don't know how to stop... or if I want to.