Pick me?!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by dreamer11, May 5, 2013.

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  1. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member


    on the outside, i'm the girl who has it all together: i go to a public ivy university, i'm in a "top tier" sorority and have a high officer position in it, i have a 3.5 GPA, and i'm a rich white girl, but really, i feel empty inside and desperate for love and attention. this need sometimes literally feels like a tornado that tears up my insides and leaves me in bits. i'd do ANYTHING to make boys look at the way they look at other girls, or have somebody take interest in me, but they never do. i used to cry myself to sleep at night, but it's hard for me to cry anymore.

    i came from a verbally abusive home where "i love you" wasn't used frequently. i've never felt like i'm good enough, smart enough, fun enough, cool enough, etc. i've given so much love to my friends in the past to fulfill this need i have. anyway, it's rarely reciprocated. i'm constantly trying to be perfect to earn somebody's love, but i somehow never get invited to big date events and i feel like the last kid picked on the kickball field. Girls say i'm pretty, but that can't possibly be true if boys never notice me as more than just a friend, right? Most people say i'm fun, nice, and easy to talk to, but then why do boys never pick me? i'm a virgin at 20 and i'm ashamed. i never thought i'd be like this. i never wanted to be different, i just want to be loved. girls say i'm "respected," but respect doesn't hold me or keep me warm at night, so that's the worst excuse I could get.

    i went to a single-sex school and am ready to be with somebody. Why do i have to keep waiting? i'm socially, emotionally, and sexually frustrated. i deserve to be with somebody, so why are these other girls who cheat, lie, and aren't...idk, with guys instead? i'm constantly comparing myself to others and feel like i failure. i feel like if something happened to me, nobody would really care. i always wanted to prove people wrong for ignoring me, but that day will never come. i'm afraid these things won't change, and what's the point of living if they won't? what is so wrong with me? why am i unlovable? I'D DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED TO CHANGE!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2013
  2. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    Don't be ashamed of being a virgin, trust me. I'm on the other side of that fence and I wish I had stayed a virgin. I can relate to your problems a lot, I'm 20 too, and pretty certainly unloveable. I think I know what you (and myself) need to change. We need to stop thinking there is something wrong with us, because that repels the opposite gender (Usually) So what if we're alone at 20? That doesn't mean anything is wrong with us, it doesn't mean we'll never be loved either. One day, things will change, and you'll find someone worth the wait. All you need to change, is thinking you need to change. Someone will love you for who you are, and they'll love everything about you.
  3. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    i don't need the person to be "the one," i just want them to care at least somewhat about me. is that too much to ask? i never WANTED to be a virgin in college but i'm just stuck here. i feel like a failure, i always thought i'd have lost it my freshman year and i absolutely do not want to be one when i graduate. at the same time, i don't want to lose it to some loser, ya know? what makes me so different from other girls for guys? why don't they look at me like they look at them? i'm tired of just being looked at as a friend. i WANT to do it, i feel like God (if there is one) is punishing me.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I cannot really give you any advice. I can completely relate to how you feel about there being no reciprocation. I especially love it when I try to be a little selfish and get guilt tripped. I can also relate to the whole idea of <preferred sexual preference> seeing right through you. Then again I have just gotten used to the lies.

    I can see do not worry, eventually you just stop feeling anything at all. I generally just use the phrase "if you say so" when people lie to raise my self-esteem. Most will look at me funny, but none actually ever challenge me on whether or not I believe them. So just relax, soon enough you will be free of the feelings. You will still have the thoughts, but you will not be bothered by them as much. You might even get a cheap laugh when the people around you realize just how far gone you are.

    Anyway, just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel.
  5. WhyamIsounloved

    WhyamIsounloved New Member

    I'm new here and just came across your posting -- which is now about two months old and also now college is out for the summer -- so you may have gotten over these feelings. But, if not, take heart. First off, I'm a guy so I see it differently than you as a woman. I am also a lot older (in my forties) but I can say that I too had the problem that no one of the opposite sex was paying me any mind. College is a tough environment unless you're way good-looking or very extroverted -- if both then you have it made in terms of having a relationship. Which is what you're really after. Not sex. You want the intimacy not the lust deep down since you came from a home where saying "I love you" wasn't an everyday occurrence.

    I think a lot of women EXPECT that a man is going to always make the first move and yet so many guys, myself included, are awkward/shy around women. Man, if a woman would just let me know ONCE that she actually found me interesting, it would give me the impetus to really open up and start talking to her. So perhaps that what you can do with some of the guys there. If you see some guy you find interesting, for godsakes don't wait for him to talk to you, you make the first move and talk to him.

    Maybe you're already doing that. I don't know. But if you are and you're still not establishing a relationship, then maybe you're discounting a lot of guys out there as they aren't up to whatever par you have in mind that need to pass -- e.g. has to be tall or taller than dad, can't be overweight anywhere, no long hair, and so on. I'm virtually always discounted due to my height (5'5") and being overweight a bit (I'm a Pooh Bear in a world that only wants them stuffed) and have never really had a real loving relationship in all these years. I've fooled myself with some women that ended up taking advantage of me for various reasons as when one believes that someone loves them, they sometimes do foolish things. And I have done that.

    Don't have sex just for the sake of having sex. I did that -- ended up losing my virginity to a prostitute and I have no real memory of her and she certainly has no memory of me. I threw away something very special that I can never get back. I'm not saying to hold off on sex -- just that it be with someone who really loves you and you know you love him. Damn it, it DOES make a difference even though I've never experienced it. I just can imagine that it really does.

    That's it, I've said my peace.
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