hi. on the outside, i'm the girl who has it all together: i go to a public ivy university, i'm in a "top tier" sorority and have a high officer position in it, i have a 3.5 GPA, and i'm a rich white girl, but really, i feel empty inside and desperate for love and attention. this need sometimes literally feels like a tornado that tears up my insides and leaves me in bits. i'd do ANYTHING to make boys look at the way they look at other girls, or have somebody take interest in me, but they never do. i used to cry myself to sleep at night, but it's hard for me to cry anymore. i came from a verbally abusive home where "i love you" wasn't used frequently. i've never felt like i'm good enough, smart enough, fun enough, cool enough, etc. i've given so much love to my friends in the past to fulfill this need i have. anyway, it's rarely reciprocated. i'm constantly trying to be perfect to earn somebody's love, but i somehow never get invited to big date events and i feel like the last kid picked on the kickball field. Girls say i'm pretty, but that can't possibly be true if boys never notice me as more than just a friend, right? Most people say i'm fun, nice, and easy to talk to, but then why do boys never pick me? i'm a virgin at 20 and i'm ashamed. i never thought i'd be like this. i never wanted to be different, i just want to be loved. girls say i'm "respected," but respect doesn't hold me or keep me warm at night, so that's the worst excuse I could get. i went to a single-sex school and am ready to be with somebody. Why do i have to keep waiting? i'm socially, emotionally, and sexually frustrated. i deserve to be with somebody, so why are these other girls who cheat, lie, and aren't...idk, with guys instead? i'm constantly comparing myself to others and feel like i failure. i feel like if something happened to me, nobody would really care. i always wanted to prove people wrong for ignoring me, but that day will never come. i'm afraid these things won't change, and what's the point of living if they won't? what is so wrong with me? why am i unlovable? I'D DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED TO CHANGE!