pickaxe of despair

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by never more, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. never more

    never more New Member

    i'm somewhat stranded in a relationship and i don't know what to do at the moment. we met online and once for a few days in a physical place, but some time after she started keeping her distance from me. she told me she wanted me to be happy and felt inadequate and wanted me to find someone better. i didn't want to, but communication kept becoming more limited until it was somewhat nonexistent in february this year (we met in august last yers). because of her tempered dad she's not doing well at home (part of the reason we started talking in the first place), and in her online journal she talked about si and suicide frequently (si being another thing we have in common). before the void it was the plan that she moved out of her parents house and that i'd come join her whenever she was ready. but since she has gotten back with a guy she always refers to as her fiance. in the tumolt he's been the only reliable support she has been able to find. she wrote in her journal a while ago, after being criticized for her silence by a mutual friend, that she did not have the decency to talk to one fearing she'd hurt another. exactly how it was to be interpreted is open, but i assumed she meant she would not accept me because it would crush her fiance. but i may be wrong. as long as there's no communication i can't say anything for sure. two younger people i act as reserve parent for have expressed their worry that i might not be able to handle the silence for much longer. i sort of bet everything on her being the future, so my life here is standing pretty still with no future to look forward to here.
    not that any advice can be given though. i refuse to give up my loyalty to her before she explains what is going on. and because she told me she doesn't love her fiance, i will not stand by and let her marry into misery. but it's getting harder.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Cant offer any advice but can say you arent alone. I know all too well the pain and turmoil you are suffering. It's horrible and so confusing. PM hun if you want to vent and get some off your chest.
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    As difficult as it may be, if she has gone back to her fiancee I think it is time to walk away. She has severed contact with you and made a decision. Go on with your life. :hug:
     
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I think your doing the right thing by waiting. If you decide to go on with your own life and then you find out she really did want to be with you then it might be the biggest mistake of your life. Also by waiting, you will finally be able to find out the truth.
     
  5. never more

    never more New Member

    despite saying yet again she'd stop posting in her journal, she continues. she said she value patience in others. and that she still was in posession of two things i gave to her when we met. so i'm not sure of anything, really.
    mystic, that is my fear. i cannot move anywhere without knowing, or i will forever regret.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2008
  6. never more

    never more New Member

    one of my child figures is suicidal and does si. last night, even though she decided not to talk to me about her problems because i don't always have time for her, she wanted to talk. i left her hanging because other people needed me too, and i didn't know how important her trouble was. after she couldn't reach me she tried to kill herself and failed. it's not the first time. i'm not sure how to deal with it. on one side i feel extremely guilty for chosing anything over her when she needs me. but then i feel i can't really start doing anything because her needs can come instantaneously and i have to drop everything to help her. whatever.
     
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