Pilgrim's Progress

Hello, it's me, Pit.

Just to update you on my situation. I graduated school weeks ago and am an independent contractor in my own profession, stenography. I take down depositions, arbitrations, meetings, etc.

This achievement is the hardest thing I've ever accomplished, and it certainly feels good. At first, I was overwhelmed on the job, but I'm really getting to like it. All this hard work, planning, and practice really paid off.

Which goes to show you: Most of my problems with depression and suicide stem from relationships. If something's going wrong with a girl, I feel beyond desolate. I usually wind up being friends with a girl after being boyfriend and girlfriend. Somehow, I can't have a normal romantic relationship.

This used to disturb me greatly. And I must tell you, it doesn't so much anymore. I am a sex addict. I used pornography, and acting out to jumpstart my mind from the pain of depression while growing up, and it's always been a bitch to get out of that habit. Plus, I've had severe body dysmorphic disorder, so as a result, I'm a real weirdo.

Bottom line is, I tried, I did the work I should do. I took a risk and made it work. As the serenity prayer says, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Well, that's what I did. I don't care if I'm fucked up when it comes to relationships. I can find company anywhere.

I don't think of suicide that much anymore, I'm too busy with my new career. That's another important factor in my mental health. When you keep busy, you don't have time to worry about how fucked up you are.

I stopped caring 'cause I know the world is more fucked up than I could ever be. I take things one at a time. So that's how I'm doing these days.