Pill overdose ... lack of dose ?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by notknown, Feb 28, 2008.

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  1. notknown

    notknown Member

    Hi...

    Emn, I'm new here. And I just wanted to get this off my chest anonymousli, if you know what I mean. On Monday I decided to really end my life. I had previously tried to stab myself but every time the blade touches my stomach, I can't go further. I hate that pain is such a big factor yet I know that I could end the pain and everything.
    I ate 41 tablets on Monday, vomitted once and got over it pretty quickly. The next day I ate 52 more tablets. Now they were not strong pills... I have no prescriptions or whatsoever, but they included <mod edit: bunny - methods> So in 2 days I had eaten 93 tablets. According to Wikipedia it is a "potentially lethal amount" or at least "severe poisoning" purely on <mod edit> (I had eaten other pills also).
    Yet I suffered for only just 1 day, vomitted 6-7 times. Felt very bad, no fever. Bad hearing (due to ear nerves being damaged, but it has gone now I think). I had also bad balance (also due to ear damage because the thing that manages balance is somewhere near the ears).

    What I wanted to say is that .... I don't even really know. I'm just really frustrated that it didn't kill me. 1 day of suffering for nothing. I don't know if to cry or to laugh. I don't want to take those soft pills anymore because I cannot be sure in them. I cannot tolerate pain and nothing.
    And I've had too many coincidences going AGAINST my suicide attempts (for example: A pharmacy was being fully closed down after I had checked it was working. That was kind of weird.)


    Oh, and I have to give a blood test. Does anyone of you know how long those chemicals will preserve in my blood ? For example if I go tomorrow (and last pill taken was in Tuesday), will it show in my blood ?

    Thank you :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2008
  2. ColdSummer

    ColdSummer Well-Known Member

    You must be really disappointed, that's a lot of pill to take in such a short period of time. Also remember that if you take pills that you already take on a regular basis, then your body is probably used to them to some degree. Maybe this is a sign that it's not you're time to die. And I can't answer your question about the blood test, I have no idea.:hug:
     
  3. notknown

    notknown Member

    Thanks for answering ;)
    Well yeah that's a lot of pills, but they were not strong. I cannot list them because apparently it's not allowed here.
    I've dropped the idea of killing myself for this time, but the thought is still haunting me. Maybe sudden moves are still better... you know: jumping, stabbing. No options for hanging and shooting though. Baah it's hard to even kill myself.

    Oh well, let's see what life brings.

    Cheers
     
  4. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Just go with the flow and you might be surprised what happens. There really is no good way to kill yourself anyway, when you think about it. Take care.
     
  5. notknown

    notknown Member

    Thanks for the support. I woke up once again, feeling empty, no achievements, no nothing. Just computer again, diving into the virtual-cyber world.
     
  6. tintin

    tintin Guest

    i feel the same.
    i tried killing myself on monday and it didnt work. i just passed out at college nd got took to hospital nd bloods taken.
    a have figured out takin tablets doesnt work.
    i just want all this pain to end.
     
  7. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    ..sounds like me. There's really not a good way to kill yourself. We're trapped in this world, and we have to deal with it. It's unfortunate, but it's life.. and other people are suffering too. The more you broaden your horizons, the happier you have a chance to become. Meeting people, learning about yourself, and discovering the world may help you, both as a distraction and a means of entertainment. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Oh, and welcome to the forum :)
     
  8. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    "Maybe someone's tryin to tell you something?"

    Tace Care
     
  9. hirondelle

    hirondelle Member

    Is there anyone that you can talk to about your feelings? These feelings are there to tell you something, that something needs to change, and it is not always easy to work out what it is that needs to change, it helps to talk to others who have experience of talking about suicide like nurses, doctors, therapists, counsellors, who can help you review your life and your life situations and may be help you to find better less destructive ways of dealing with emotional pain. Keep searching for the right people, go with your gut feelings about whether someone is helpful or not, try voluntary agencies, the Samaritans, as well as statutory mental health professionals. Suicidal feelings and acting on them are the result of overwhelming emotional pain, this pain can be alleviated but you need to find the right combination of therapy, occupation, medication to suit you. Good luck and welcome to the Forum, I hope you find some help and support here.

    Warm wishes to you

    Hirondelle
     
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm not telling you what to do, but rather to make sure you know it is what you want. I tried to od on a 3 month supply of 4 different meds, booze and was cutting aswell. What did it get me? A 4 day coma, a stroke, irrevesrible damage to my organs, limited use of my left hand and eye and constant in home care now. This is my 1st day out of hospital. And this is not the 1st time I've tried to od. I thought for sure it would work, and the doc said, a few more hours and it would of. He is somewhat amazed that I wasn't more "damaged" then I am. So I guess I'm saying that pills are never a dependable way. Please talk to someone even a crisis line and let them know how you are feeling and what you have attempted. And you should see a doc, you may have caused some internal damage.
     
  11. magic1

    magic1 Active Member

    dude. the EXACT same thing happened to me. It is a huge disapointment and me I took them all 100 in one day...gr! and i feel the same about blades. i would but..pain...
     
  12. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Please give it some thought before you try this kind of stuff. It can come back to haunt you. What if you decide you want to live but your previous attempts have caused serious damage to your body? I know how low things can get sometimes. I took a bunch of pills once (Something I'd forgotten about until just now). I was lucky the pills I took weren't very potent. I woke up the next day wondering why I'd done it and just thankful that it didn't work.

    After I'd taken the pills, I can remember drifting off to sleep and as I did, I'd never been more scared in my life. I was at absolute rock bottom I thought it was the end and I was terrified. The next day, I was worried that the pills had done something to my body that would be irreparable. I never want to be there again.
     
  13. Lost&Confused

    Lost&Confused Member

    I tried to overdose on pills 3 year ago, I took what I thought would be a lethal dose, (150 pills <Mod Edit - methods>) but all that happened was a I threw up over myself and couldn't get out of bed for a week. I guess I was lucky I didn't end up with permanent organ damage. It's not something I would try again.

    Dee
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2008
  14. notknown

    notknown Member

    Thank you very much people. It means a lot :)

    WhyMeWhy - I've been thinking that maybe all those coincidences aren't just coincidences. I didn't tell those coincidences in the first post (except the pharmacy thing), but they were pretty weird and too random to be "random".

    I've been laying off the thoughts lately, because merely seeing pills make me sick. Too chicken to jump or some other thing ... maybe it isn't meant to be. Maybe it's just hormones, but God is more powerful than me.
     
  15. notknown

    notknown Member

    Thank you very much people. It means a lot :)

    @WhyMeWhy - I've been thinking that maybe all those coincidences aren't just coincidences. I didn't tell those coincidences in the first post (except the pharmacy thing), but they were pretty weird and too random to be "random".

    I've been laying off the thoughts lately, because merely seeing pills make me sick. Too chicken to jump or some other thing ... maybe it isn't meant to be. Maybe it's just hormones, but God is more powerful than me.

    @Random - When I started feeling the culmination of the poisoning, I was afraid a lot. I cursed myself for doing this to myself and I can swear I whispered "Why?" which later turned into screaming. Yet I can't remember that very clearly... Yet I felt disappointment for not dying.

    I've been thinking that maybe I'm living for a purpose. For example: I have rare blood type 0 negative, which can be a donor to any blood group. Maybe I am meant to save someone's life ? I have a plan to become a donor after I become 18. Maybe instead of taking a life, I can save lives. Perhaps my blood isn't meant to be misused.

    You can laugh, but recent happenings have strenghtened my belief in destiny, fate... if not God.

    Thanks people very much ;)
     
  16. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I overdosed not too long ago. I took < mod edit - methods > then I drank a whole bottle of wine at that point i wasn't aware I was doing this. I was out of it for about a couple days. I wasn't even aware of what I was doing, stumbling everywhere, I was taken the er and then went home and not much has been said about it since then. Well, I am at a cross between wishing I had never even swallowed that many pills because I am empty now, I have no mind. I can't think like I used to, my conscious has depleted immensely and it's like i am a zombie. I have just now begun recovering, but I have spurs of loss of control completely. But then, it hit me, I didn't want to lose my family. They're all I have. Sure, the other stuff sucks. I am alone, I have no friends, i've never been in love, never been kissed, have been teased pretty much my whole childhood. But yea, I still have love and I still need love.
    I haven't told my psychiatrist or therapist. The thing is, I cannot tell my psychiatrist he acts too friendly, too personal, and too carelessly for me to tell him. So only my family knows. I think I told my cousin and that was it. What you need to do is find something, anything, something that will concentrate your will on something else. I think finding a good hobby. Such as porcelain doll making- Ok that's a little tough. Soap-making, candle-making, crafty stuff. It really gets your mind of the hard things. Honestly, I do care a lot for other people and when the apathy takes over it can do a lot of damage.
    It's nice to be numb from the pain but when the pain's gone you've got to start living again. I hope you recover and I hope that i'm making sense.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2008
  17. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    wallflower, it's a good idea to tell your therapist. if you were feeling *more* suicidal then it's a clue that the therapy, as it works now, is not working. same thing happened to me, tried to do some CBT (dealing with negative thoughts) and it made me much, much worse. so we just backed off of that for a while and i'm doing art therapy instead. much safer for me emotionally, for now. they can't help you unless you are able to share with them. if you dont' trust them... well that's a sign that you might want to get a different therapist.

    c.
     
  18. notknown

    notknown Member

    I personally haven't, don't and will not go to therapist or something. I don't talk to my parents about it. I'm not an emotional person, saying sincere stuff is hard for me and if I do that I somehow feel "beaten" or just extremely low self-esteem.

    One problem is also that I have low self-esteem (I can feel that). I've talked to some of my "friends" about it. But as I'm a joke person, they didn't take me seriously or just said "don't do it". Only one person showed some consideration and maybe it is her why I've laid off those thoughts for now. She made me feel that it's not worth.

    Thanks people.
     
  19. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    You are probably right. My therapist shrugs off anything I mean anything negative I ever talk about and tries to change the subject into something positive. It's just her way I guess. I don't mind being positive but she's not like my friend or mom, a therapist should be like a therapist.
     
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