Im numb, my feelings are gone, my mind is gone, my friends are no longer my friends, my life is no longer in my control, my care for anything is replaced with utter emptyness. Only one thing makes me feel, gives me feelings beyond just pain, reminds me of my life before my downfall, my life before being a asshole to everyone, including people on this very fucking forum, that is of course pills. For a few days I thought it was behind me, but now the urge is back, along with the means to a painfull, and definite demise. I do not care if I live or die, I simply care if I feel, pain is simple a side effect of my desire, something that can not be avoid. Life is meaningless to me, my will to live replaced for a desire to feel pain, to feel utter suffering and discomfort, to remember my past life, for that is all there is for me now, for I know why lies ahead, oh yes I know it well, the void, the coldness of death and decay. <Mod Edit:Shades-methods> The urge is too great, the means to my urge, is nearby, ready for tonight, when I will act.