i just took ** Valium. my heads starting to spin. wanted to take an awful lot more but she came out. feel shitting now for upsetting her. that was the last thing i wanted to do. hence why i did it in another room. i fucking mess everything up don't i, worthless piece of shit. i went to bed to sort my head out cos i was feeling a bit down, i shut my eyes and saw my frail Nan sitting in the oncology department of our local hospital, scared, fragile, in pain. as soon as i went to sleep all i could see was her, remembering everything. my uncle keeps having a go at me for just about everything, wearing me down. slowly picking, slowly pushing me. my mum is just as bad. my dad decided to tell me how fat i was getting last night and take the piss out of me. yeah, cos i needed to hear that didn't i?!?!?! theres more, much more but i cant even be arsed to go into that right now. its getting too much. my life is a mess, i cant do much more, Vik's the only thing keeping me going and i cant do it to her much more. it's not fair, she has enough stuff going on, stuff more important than mine.