I have cut down drinking alcohol considerably, I have given up smoking and am not cutting recently. Instead, I am taking pain killers everyday. It's gone from one thing to another! I was feeling suicidal but feel unable to carry it through because of my beliefs. Yet, in some strange way (in my thinking) taking the pills gives me the sense that I am doing it to take away the pain, but if something should happen to me it won't be my fault. I know it's crazy!