Pinky Survives to fight again!

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by shedhaddock, Oct 16, 2013.

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  1. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Hey guys,
    As the title says, i'm alive and here to fight for another day. Few of you know, i recently snowballed out of control and hit the bottom of rock bottom. I dont want to write lots, cos lets face it, wall after wall of text would just be a bit overwhelming.

    There are a few large gaps in the mental health system, and i have gone right through them again. Recently i was placed in the back of an ambulance after the police turned up in the right place at the right time. Within 3 hours i was back from the hospital without treatment or anything - they let me walk right out the door. In my head, the job wasnt finished, and i was angry with myself. In less than 12 hours from walking out, i was admitted back to hospital from a 2nd attempt. I still had the nhs wristband on from the first visit. I hated being in the hospital, it was distressing. When the mental health worker finally got around to seeing me 2 days later, she was speechless. She could not believe that the doctors had me and allowed me to walk out just to do it again.

    I have been very honest with them, and before they discharged me, they asked how i felt, and i told them a 3rd attempt was inevitable by the end of the month. They still discharged me.

    A follow up with my GP, i told her not to prescribe me any meds because i would immediately mis-use them - it was like talking to a wall. She told me she understood but that i needed the meds. I thought i was being sensible by not having meds near me while my head is still in a mess, but someone that doesnt know the state of my head seems to know better. I havent collected my prescription. Im trying to fight and save my life.

    It has been an awful few weeks for me, and its not getting better yet. I have continuous phone calls from social workers and police keep banging on the door and insisting i let them in so that they can check on me. I feel like they are harassing me and i feel suffocated by them. I have tried to tell them this but i dont think they're listening.

    I have a long and difficult path ahead. I am not sure how i really feel about my bid to end my life, i just wish my head would stop and focus. For now, i am here and back with people who actually understand :)

    Pinky :flypig:
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun good to see you reaching out here to people who do understand I do hope you use all the supports in place for you to keep safe ok Police the social workers use the help that is there hun i know it can be frightening but they just want you safe hugs
     
  3. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Hey, you are not alone :) We do understand how you feel. Good that you're reaching out. I hope things get better for you.
    *hugs
     
  4. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Why thank you very much - its good to be home :D (here)
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear what you have recently been through but it is good to have you back and hear that you are fighting. :hug:
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Nice to see you around again. You know I respect you a great deal as a person and think you are somebody that has a lot to offer others. Please do not take this as criticism, but simply something to consider.

    I understand your reason behind not filling prescription but also see that not filling it has negated your likely fastest method to get better. You are upset that you fell through the cracks and your needs are not being met but you are refusing to do what they ask like the meds. You say they are not listening or paying attention and in the same post say they are harassing and suffocating you.

    You need to understand the illness is causing some of these feelings. If you had a physical illness like a cold and were coughing you would follow the Dr's advice on what medication to take. You are choosing not to. If you are concerned have her write you 3 or 7 day scripts and fill like that. While they obviously made mistakes in discharging you, they seem to be spending a lot of effort and manpower to ensure your safety now- but you do not see that piece of it - you only see it as an intrusion.

    Some of this needs to come from your end. Try contacting MIND and having them help negotiate a treatment plan that you believe would be effective to you. They are not offering what you want and you are refusing what they offer. While there are obvious issues with a system that is controlled by budgets and inefficiencies, you need to consider that in your current state of mind it may not be only them that are being unreasonable. You are not getting better you said , so maybe it is time to try to negotiate an approach that allows some possibility of making use of the expertise and medical help that is offered while trying to get that help you believe best suited.
     
  7. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Not taken as criticism - at least you have the balls to say it and didnt cover it up :D

    :flypig:
     
  8. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    * UPDATE*

    Guys, i said i was doing well but since my last post, the police executed a 2nd warrant on my address, despite still telling me i am not a suspect or under arrest and they have taken my property again. I borrowed a friends computer so i could post to you guys, but i dont think i cant survive another few days like this.

    They even had a uniformed officer escort me to a doctors appointment and that was a step too far. They are isolating me and causing me further distress. I really dont think they know how to deal with mental health issues. They even refused to let me have a social worker present while they searched. They are aware of my history and previous suicide attempts, and they make me feel lower than shit :(
     
  9. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if this would be supportive or not - but I'll put it out there anyway.

    If the police have been involved previously and are aware of your state of mental health - then they are doing their job as far as ensuring that your property is safe, that you haven't been researching methods with which to harm yourself further or have another attempt. By having a uniformed officer escort you to your doctors - have you had issues with attending previously booked appointments?

    The way you see it from inside the cloud of the illness is that they are the ones making you feel worse - when all they are there to do is to ensure you are safe and alive. They are not taking suicide attempts lightly by what you have described.

    A flip side is - what would you do if you were in their position? Have an upset/angry mental health sufferer alive? Or have another dead on your patch?

    Their intention is not to isolate you. It is to protect you from the state of mind that causes you to act in the manner of attempting. Prevention is better than cure - and in most cases it leads to a misunderstanding/misinterpretation of what is happening - either that or seeing it from a perspective of being in the depression bubble rather than the perspective of preventing a relative youngster dying - in what could be termed as needlessly.

    If it requires that they access your property - so be it. Is it a written rule that they have to allow a social worker to be present while they ensure the place you're in is safe?

    Not meaning to seem "unsupportive" - but these few questions can be asked - particularly when NYJ has alluded to the possibility that you are not helping yourself fully by refusing to co-operate with the very same practices that are there to help.
     
  10. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Perhaps i should fill in the gaps a little bit. I am not under arrest or in trouble with the police in any way - infact was looking to a good career with them. All i done was report a crime to them and they have intruded into my life. They have treated me so badly - what police force would sieze a mobile phone from a suicidal person and leave them with no way of calling for help? I dont have a land line, and no, i dont have problems attending doctors appointments. They have left me feeling that i will never report any crime to them ever again. I completely understand where walls of silence come from and the local constabulary are seriously lacking in how they deal with mental health issues.
    As for everything else, i will post when i feel able to do so and can access site again.
     
  11. lost81

    lost81 Staff Alumni

    Are the computers and phone evidence? I understand the silence thing but I did not know that entailed confiscation of all forms of online contact if it was not evidence. That is a bit bizarre and I would certainly talk to someone about that if that is the reason they gave you. If it is evidence though then its understandable why they need them.
     
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