Sorry all for venting. I'm just so angry.
On the 6th of this month I tried to kill myself. From what I'm told, it was almost successful. For some reason my mom came back to my room to check on me, and the rest is history. The thing is, my parents never come back to my room. Not ever. Why this one freakin time? Everyone is telling me, "It wasn't your time." But why not?
So after I spend over a week in the hospital, they transfer me to the psych hospital. Talk about a worthless place. I really hate being in the hospital. Not a place that I do well in. So I basically lie about how I'm feeling and attend all the little group things they had planned. So after 3 days they let me go home.
Then today I go to see my psychiatrist. She had been notified of my suicide attempt. So we talk about that. I'm honest with her and tell her that I wish I would have died. So we go over all the meds we've tried in the past. Unfortunately, I have tried practically all the meds out there, so she's kind of at a loss as to what to do for me. (That's always a great feeling.) She also wants me starting ECT again. Fun stuff.
I'm also having to try to find a new psychologist whom I can see at least weekly. My old therapist wasn't helping me at all anyway, so no loss there.
I know my death would have upset everyone, but eventually time would go on, and things would go back to normal. They just wouldn't have to deal with me and all my problems. It is a horrible feeling having to be a burden on those you love.
Again I apologize for venting. I really, really apologize if I have upset anyone. If I have done so, please forgive me. I don't want to cause anyone anymore pain. Don't you just wish that we could all wake up in the morning and "poof" be normal?
On the 6th of this month I tried to kill myself. From what I'm told, it was almost successful. For some reason my mom came back to my room to check on me, and the rest is history. The thing is, my parents never come back to my room. Not ever. Why this one freakin time? Everyone is telling me, "It wasn't your time." But why not?
So after I spend over a week in the hospital, they transfer me to the psych hospital. Talk about a worthless place. I really hate being in the hospital. Not a place that I do well in. So I basically lie about how I'm feeling and attend all the little group things they had planned. So after 3 days they let me go home.
Then today I go to see my psychiatrist. She had been notified of my suicide attempt. So we talk about that. I'm honest with her and tell her that I wish I would have died. So we go over all the meds we've tried in the past. Unfortunately, I have tried practically all the meds out there, so she's kind of at a loss as to what to do for me. (That's always a great feeling.) She also wants me starting ECT again. Fun stuff.
I'm also having to try to find a new psychologist whom I can see at least weekly. My old therapist wasn't helping me at all anyway, so no loss there.
I know my death would have upset everyone, but eventually time would go on, and things would go back to normal. They just wouldn't have to deal with me and all my problems. It is a horrible feeling having to be a burden on those you love.
Again I apologize for venting. I really, really apologize if I have upset anyone. If I have done so, please forgive me. I don't want to cause anyone anymore pain. Don't you just wish that we could all wake up in the morning and "poof" be normal?
