Pissed off about it all

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mew2you, Jan 21, 2009.

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  1. mew2you

    mew2you Member

    Sorry all for venting. I'm just so angry.

    On the 6th of this month I tried to kill myself. From what I'm told, it was almost successful. For some reason my mom came back to my room to check on me, and the rest is history. The thing is, my parents never come back to my room. Not ever. Why this one freakin time? Everyone is telling me, "It wasn't your time." But why not?

    So after I spend over a week in the hospital, they transfer me to the psych hospital. Talk about a worthless place. I really hate being in the hospital. Not a place that I do well in. So I basically lie about how I'm feeling and attend all the little group things they had planned. So after 3 days they let me go home.

    Then today I go to see my psychiatrist. She had been notified of my suicide attempt. So we talk about that. I'm honest with her and tell her that I wish I would have died. So we go over all the meds we've tried in the past. Unfortunately, I have tried practically all the meds out there, so she's kind of at a loss as to what to do for me. (That's always a great feeling.) She also wants me starting ECT again. Fun stuff.

    I'm also having to try to find a new psychologist whom I can see at least weekly. My old therapist wasn't helping me at all anyway, so no loss there.
    I know my death would have upset everyone, but eventually time would go on, and things would go back to normal. They just wouldn't have to deal with me and all my problems. It is a horrible feeling having to be a burden on those you love.

    Again I apologize for venting. I really, really apologize if I have upset anyone. If I have done so, please forgive me. I don't want to cause anyone anymore pain. Don't you just wish that we could all wake up in the morning and "poof" be normal?
  2. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    My Mom used to think that she was a burden and if she wasnt around everyone would get over it and be much happier in the long term BUT I can assure you she was VERY VERY wrong !!!!
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    oh boy. i would love to get up tomorrow and my life be back to normal. poof. you said it the best!

    your mom probably came back to check on you, because of mothers 'intuition'. just my opinion. as a mom.

    i'm glad you are here. even if you are not. i am still here because i don't want to hurt my little girls. . . people don't get over it. they dont' 'forget' and move on hun. they always ache and grieve, it's just that they don't have a choice but keep living. so don't think that life would on as 'normal' without you. your parents would miss you and grieve for you forever.

    hope the new meds work. sigh. and the new psych. maybe that will be helpful....maybe you do need this change. sorry if i say anything that steps on your 'toes'. . . i am such a newbie here. . .. big hugs.
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Don't apologise about venting. It's good to do so. I find it helps to be able to do that especially here where there are people who can understand how you are feeling. As for therapy and meds I've personally found more help and support from this forum than I've ever had from any doctor or pill. Hope you can find the same. Please stay safe. :smile:
  5. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    I feel you. At least you know they care about you.
  6. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    What is ECT?

    Some psychiatrists really suck!!!! Like the one I am seeing now.

    Your mother would grieve for you forever and perhaps try to join you. Whilst I don't know your mother, but my daughter did it, and its all I think of doing. 18 months later and things have not got back to normal.
  7. mew2you

    mew2you Member

    I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I'm always willing to listen if you ever feel like venting yourself. Just send me a PM.

    ECT is short for electrocunvulsive therapy. I also get to go meet with a psychiatrist at Stanford on Saturday. I am wiling to try anything. I'm just so tired.
  8. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Isn't ECT very serious stuff?
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Mew2you,
    Welcome to the forum!! You do not need to apologize for speaking your mind. Now if you were abusive towards someone then the members would let you know. lol Seriously we are here for alot of the same reasons. You can talk with us on the forum or you can PM any of us.
    I am sorry you are going thru so much in your life that you feel you need to end it. There are alot of us who think about it dailey but thru the support here and therapy and meds we deal with it.
    Suicide is a very serious thing so if you get that desperate, whether you like it or not you need to get your butt in the hospital where you will be safe from your self. I have been in there ten times in the last fourteen years and I went voluntarily everytime. The main reason being I didn't want a judge determining how I felt.
    I hope your shrink and new psycologist work for you. Maybe you shouldn't be so hasty in giving up on therapy. There are good therapists and bad ones. It took me thre trys before I found the one I am with now. She's great and very straight forward, she speaks her mind and I admire her for that. Take care!!~Joseph~
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