I woke up today so bloody angry. Mainly that I woke up at all. I don't know why I am feeling these feelings. I am so tired of it. I have been so anxious and aggitated all day. At least I have managed to get my room clean and tidied....a whole bin bag of rubbish I got out! As I was doing it I was feeling awful. I mean, what normal person has a self harm drawer? xxxxxxxxxx . Then I have the instruments also. It just seemed so normal for me to have all of this. I then have all my old meds that I store for "just in case". I can't throw them away. I need them there. I feel better knowing they are there. I feel the need tonight to get really pissed. I only have 1 bottle of wine though so that wont get me drunk. I know though in the state I am in if I drink much more than that I will end up cutting. I know I want to now and having drink makes me want to even more. I know I'll let tonight as I've been doing it every night for the past couple of weeks. It is that that is stopping me cutting. I know if I cut it will be bad. With putting it off it does get that it gets worse each time. I am so anxious I don't know what to do. I have 1 diazepam left. I have had it a while. I like to know it's there and I don't really want to use it. I keep it for an emergency. I don't think that this constitues one.