Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Breathe, May 15, 2009.

  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Really pissed off today.

    God i haven't been on here for ages might i say.

    I have had a friend who i recently have confined in to the extent of telling him what i do but i didn't talk to him again about it or i tried not to as i am too disappointed in myself as i don't think i deserve help. The only reason i haven't SH as much as i used to (everyday almost) is because of him, didn't want to disappoint him but i have given up trying to do that.

    He keeps trying to get me to talk about my problems, coaxing me out of being silent i guess but it just unearths all my depression, SH urges and such :unsure:

    I scolded my hand quite a lot today, holding it in hot water over and over again. i have left cutting behind me as i dont want scars anymore.
    I just wanted to lash out today, i have too much anger kept inside. If he had come near me i know i would of attacked him :dry: i'm so messed up.
    Past too many train lines and bridges for my comfort today. I went for a long walk for about 3 hours just continuously walking :unsure: Every time i saw a train i would wonder if it would be fast enough to kill me or if i saw a bridge or building if it was tall enough to kill me.

    He wants me to talk on Wednesday but its too late. After the walking i needed to talk to him, after i had cooled down i was ready to share to show my whole past if he wanted. But he just said "talk to you on Wednesday". It will be too late then :unsure: Though i will not kill myself i have caused myself a lot of pain and emotional grief and i don't want to talk to him anymore. When i needed him he wasn't there, when i finally reached out for help he asked me to wait. Am i being selfish?
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    How you feel is understandable. Perhaps he is free on wednesday hence why he wants to talk to you then.
    Did you tell him that you really needed to talk to him, then.