plan or something,

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by scaryforest, Feb 11, 2015.

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  1. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i have come up with one. and sway from one extreme to the other.
    pit of despair to high elation and hope.

    but i ve never actually had a plan, not really.
    and now i do and it s so disheartening can t stop thinking about it.

    so i ll distract myself some more with games and shows like Lost because it passes time.
    and try not feel so alone and like people are not on same page as me.

    i felt i was meant for things and maybe not people.
    just things and to inspire people but not actual people. idk what this is

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2015
  2. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    You help a lot of people on here scaryforest, so know you DO mean a lot to people, not just things.

    With that said, I also have a plan, and its scary when you hit that realization.

    All we can do is distract ourselves from it with games/shows, or whatever.

    This forum would not be the same without you, know that. PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE US...

    On a side not: I didn't answer your question on my thread, because I've been sleeping most of my days away (wonderful coping mechanism, I know), sorry if this didn't help you, but people care about you.
  3. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    sleeping, yes, that works too. do you dream at all? sometimes i believe we can get answers or whatnot in dreams.

    atm i can t sleep at all, these days i mean. unless i have alcohol or sleeping pills or listen to meditation for 4039240 hours and then physical ailments keep waking me every hour.

    i hate and love this plan at same time and just clinging by a thread to anything at all because it's so damn dark and depressing. i d not wish these feelings on my worst enemy.
    pls also take care and hold on
  4. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Yes I do dream, but, sadly, they are mostly nightmares. Sometimes I do have exciting ones that bring me joy. I also feel many answers have come to me in my dreams.

    I will admit I drink myself to sleep all too often, and the hangover is pure hell.

    Of course, one would have to be totally unaware to see by just my postings today one of my biggest reasons I'm unable to follow through with a plan.

    I will try and hold on, and lets hope things will improve in some way.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well i certainly understnad scaryforest but as said you are someone special and i would not want anything to happen to you
    sleep is a good one for me or keeping so busy i cannot think of the plan
    hope you can pull out of the darkness some
  6. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    eclipse, ty
    trying to get out of it a bit.
    talked to someone who just keeps going: you ok? and: why aren t you ok?
    and idk what i need but it isn t that
    maybe someone to relate to a bit. but not get attached to

    miller, the alcohol i had a plan. but youcan t go to fare grounds at this time or pass out after
    pm me if you wanna talk but pls don t say: i might take you up on that
    you ve said it twice already
  7. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know I did say I would talk to you, and I did say that twice, I don't want to depress you any further. Honestly I don't talk to anybody here at all, because I'm afraid I will trigger them. I made 1 phone call to a member, and was scared 1/2 to death. I'm bad company right now. Maybe I'm better at visitor messages for now rather than PMs.

    Hope you feel better though and will work through this.

    Know I truly care

    EDIT: I will answer your PM tomorrow, and I really mean it this time. I did get your PM and have no problem telling you anything, and maybe we can somehow help each other in some way who knows, but I can't do it now. I tried, but the words just won't out.

    Ugh, trust me, its me, not you...
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2015
  8. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    Scary, I just want you to know that I also greatly appreciate you! You have already helped me to feel a lot better, even with just this being the first time we've talked on here. Your questions make me think, they make my brain work on things other than the issues at hand.
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi scaryforest, I' sorry to hear that you are suffering alot. Please forget what you are planning as you can see others do care.
    You are important and please never forget. Like you I think sometimes life is not worth it but it is.....

    You are a wonderful person and please reminding yourself of that.
  10. Johnny Messina

    Johnny Messina Well-Known Member

    I didn't understand this very good (this is because my english sucks :D)... What kind of plan do you have? You have some plan in life or suicidal plan.... First would obviously be better choice, but plan alone means nothing, trust me... I've had life plans and suicidal plans but you need to have also a triger in your brain to actually do it.... Lucky for me my life plan is going somewhat better than the suicidal one, so I hope something like that will happen to you too... Also, for us who are suffering for a long time in any way it also takes a time to recover, so never give up after first thing goes wrong... And yes, I'm also playing games and watching movies and series to run away from reality, but long term it will just make you feel even worse.... I hope everything goes better for you.... I mean you are only person from Manchester I've ever contacted with and I really like Manchester United, I will lost the last hope for visiting Old Trafford if you do something bad :p so think about others litlle bit:p
  11. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hey johnny that made me smile even tho it s so silly (in a good way) the manchester thing.
    yes i did mean a suicide plan. tho i have life plans too
    i ve never caught or you never said where was it you live
    anyway, this reply is much valued. also pls what is your zodiac sign?

    unknown, ty for these words though some in past have been fabricated, i really appreciated that one pm in autumn. you know which one

    miller, we re emailing so yeah ; )

    things atm idk. i got really wasted and ended up forming coma bonds with people again
    by coma bonds i mean i had blackouts.
    but these people don t seem judging
  12. Johnny Messina

    Johnny Messina Well-Known Member

    hey scary, im glad it made you smile... i feel better now, im sure i would smile too if i would.see your smile... im ballkan boy.. mix of many nations but mostly serbo/croatian mix.. i dont know my zodiac i look it up in dictionary :) i know im dragon in chinese... im on my mobile so cant really.type.atm... but to contact me anytime.. i hope youare better now
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