Plan to end it all by the end of the summer

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by unigirl, May 10, 2015.

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  1. unigirl

    unigirl Member

    I am getting my affairs in order.
    My mom died in 2007, my brother in 2012.
    I am just tired of life's disappointments and cannot stand being alone.
    I feel like I have contributed all I can to the world.
    Not sad really. Just tired. There are days when I cannot make it till my target date.
    I have some obligations to keep that will not be finished until the ed of August.
    My lease ends then too.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello unigirl and welcome to the forum. I hope we can help you to reconsider what you are planning. Have you seen a professional? You could greatly benefit from counselling and/or medication. I am so sorry for all you have been through, must have been so tough but you're still here and you are still fighting this. I hope you can get through this, we will help you too :hugs:
  3. iBananya

    iBananya Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your losses :( :hug: I too, lost my mother a few years ago. I have no siblings, and my father is fighting hard and proud, but in a war he can't win with cancer. I live halfway around the world from him, from all the people I knew all of my life to this point, and I can understand to a degree how lonely you must feel. I say to a degree, because I cannot presume to know how you feel as things affect us all differently and no one's life story or struggles are the same. I can say though, that you can write me anytime. This forum is full of people who seem to be very caring and just a message away. There are professional resources available and so many answers. Pain is so hard, and feels incredibly impossible to overcome sometimes. The struggle can be super hard, but we don't have to struggle alone! Let's talk :hug: :pinkheart:
  4. unigirl

    unigirl Member

    Thanks everyone. I have a therapist. I have attempted two times before.
    There are times when you are just done and have nothing more to say or do.
    Tired of believing in people who turn out to be flakes.
    Tired of giving and not getting anything in return.
    The meds are xanax and prozac- 10 years now.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey again,

    How long have you been seeing your therapist? Does the therapist know that you are suicidal? How effective are the medications you are taking?
    Maybe write a mood diary and have a trigger part in it to find out what your triggers are and show them to the therapist.

    I am also tired of giving and getting nothing in return (some fake friends i've had in real life). It is very disappointing :( but all we can do is try our best, not letting anyone take advantage and being a good person.

    I feel for you. :hugs:
  6. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    hi UNIGIRL
    I understand. I have not lost by death but I understand loss and I am sorry for your loss.
    I get the tired part and so much of what you express in your post.
    I don't know what to offer as I struggle with the same and nothing in return. I love to give but once in awhile....

    Anyways, I hope you reconsider your plan. Does your therapist allow you to tell him/her these things?
    I ask because some don't seem to want to hear it.
  7. unigirl

    unigirl Member

    She knows. I do not think she knows how serious I am because I am always upbeat.
    I was originally diagnosed with panic disorder in 2004, then it became depression.
    I have been with her for three years now. Honestly I do not think therapy helps when you get to this point.

    Here are the choices:

    A. Live life I am 45 so what like another 20-30 in loneliness and paying taxes. Working shitty jobs.
    B. Die.

    B seems better.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sometimes the hardest choice is the best choice. You may have to work for it but in the end you will come out stronger and want to live. I have been struggling just as long as you, well I was, not anymore. I sought help and the help I got was pretty damn good, I no longer have a diagnosis of depression although anxiety still lingers. I was at the end of my rope until I got a superb counsellor and medications. It can take years to find the right medications that work for you. Do not give up this fight, it may seem easier to die but you could fight this and enjoy your life afterwards when things are brighter. Believe in yourself. Give yourself a chance. Perhaps you need a new therapist, new meds....look into it hun.
  9. unigirl

    unigirl Member

    They tried Lexapro that was a disaster.
    Then Wellbutrin - awful
    They added abilify and it seemed to do nothing.
    So back i went on prozac. started at 10MG, the 20MG for 7 years, now I am up to 60
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