I have been informed that everything I have worked towards my entire adult life will likely be destroyed next month because of one small mistake. I almost wish it was something bigger – a serious crime, something more impactful or dramatic to anyone – but it’s not. Even the ways in which I sabotage my own life are pathetic and inconsequential. My odds of being able to recover from this are slim, but possible. I am holding on to that last bit of hope that what I’ve accomplished won’t be shattered in the name of bureaucratic expediency, but it is dying fast. That I have resolved to keep living on through the night may be the hardest decision I have ever made. In the meantime, I have been making very concrete plans on how to end my life and how to prepare my friends and family for this, both financially and emotionally. It’s going to take a long time to get my affairs in order (and there is the chance that what is happening to me now will pass), but I have to do at least one thing right in my life before I rid it of me once and for all. P.S. For anyone wondering, yes, I have been diagnosed with mental health issues including depression. Ironically, it was seeking out treatment for my problems that eventually lead me to where I am now. I can’t speak for everyone, obviously, but I have found that the desire from outsiders to “treat” one’s problems is bullshit. I wish I had kept everything to myself and never opened up at all.