Planning on doing it soon...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xenflyz, May 7, 2008.

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  1. xenflyz

    xenflyz Member

    I'm 19 years old and I realize I have no future.
    I suffer from severe depression, I also have mild autism, no friends (never had any all my life).
    I dropped out of school few years ago and I am unable to concentrate or focus on tasks. I have interests and things I could be good at but my apathy and lack of willpower guarantee I'll be a failure. My genes are inferior and I am not equipped to deal with the real world.

    I tried suicide few weeks ago by jumping 55 feet into the sea but I survived.
    I'll try to do it right this time. I think it's a smart decision. I suffer from mental pain, sadness etc. every day. I also possibly have schizophrenia, social anxiety and other disorders.
    If I let more time slip by I will be a certified failure and I wont allow that to happen.
    I find comfort in realizing I will be dead soon.

    Just thought I'd let someone in the world know :smile:
    Thanks for listening.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2008
  2. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    I hear you, and understand. Peace.
  3. I find it hard with motivation also, I get some really great ideas and am really enthused about them, i set dates to start doing them, but right now, it just seems to fade, carried away with the wind, and I just don't have the energy/drive to follow them through. It didn't use to be this way, I used to create such great things on the spur of the moment and not stop until it was done, now I can't even get over the start line let alone finish the thing. Though I am making it a priority to work this out right now, been months trying to get my motivation back and I think it's working, I'v started writing a book, making a series of films and drawing. What has helped me was to get back to the things I loved doing, going for walks at 4 am just as the sun rises, when there is no one about, no need to feel insecure, just you, the morning air, and beauty. Hope this helps.
  4. nolove89

    nolove89 Active Member

    <mod edit: bunny - suicide is not fun>

    Anyway I'm just like you kinda I'm 19 and have no friends or future, I also Dropped out of High school and not planning on getting GED. So I'm leaving soon also :)
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2008
  5. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    Have any of these disorders been diagnosed by a medical professional?
  6. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, welcome to SF.

    Having autism and depression doesn't mean you don't have a future. I'll be honest and say I know very little about autism, but I know that depression can be treated - are you taking any medications or in some sort of therapy for it?

    What are your interests and things you know you could be good at? Keep these as goals, when you get better you can work towards them. Everyone needs goals, of one shape or another. Would you be interested in going back to school?

    Your genes don't make you into the person you are totally. We come into this whole nature nurture debate but I, personally, believe nature has a lot to do with the person we become, and only a small fraction is to do with our genes. If you're not equipped, get the equipment! See a doctor, get diagnosed (see if you actually are schizophrenic, have anxiety etc), recieve the treatment, speak out about your autism. The world is out there, steps are hard, but I know you can do it. :hug:
  7. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    (damn normals...)

    1. Treatment for depression isn't terribly effective. At best, combining antidepressants and one of several types of talking therapy, about 2/3 of all depressed people show some improvement. But that rate goes down as depression becomes more severe.

    2. Autism covers a fairly wide range of disability, from merely very nerdy people to completely non-verbal kids with very weird rhythmic, patterned behavior. It's less treatable than depression.

    Errum, in this context, "nature" means "genes." And autism is quite likely to be genetic.

    I'm not even sure this sounds like a Normal. In what way would speaking out make you less autistic?
  8. xenflyz

    xenflyz Member

    Well it's obvious my attempts at overcoming my problems will be futile.
    It's easy for you people with good genes to encourage positive thinking but it wont work. I'm too fucked up beyond repair and have no friends due to extreme social anxiety and other probs etc. :rolleyes:
  9. RosiePosie

    RosiePosie Member

    Hello. :)
    I can relate to bad genes completely.
    I have chronic Depersonalization Derealization. (google it)
    It's a very strange strange disorder and I too think of suicide plenty.
    Its like a dissociative disorder only 500 times worse.
    You're not alone in this world.
    PM me if you need me.
  10. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    I’m not going to sit here and say things will get better if you try and stay positive, that would be lying. In fact I think under the circumstance your in suicide is perfectly justifiable. But what I do want to talk about is the “what if.”

    What if your life will improve in a few years? It might be through no effort of your own. Maybe god (or the randomness of the universe for those that don’t believe in god) will change your fate. Hell people are winning the lottary every day right?? I know there’s been times when I've had positive things happen to me that I did not cause to happen.

    What have you got to lose? If in a few years things don’t improve you can still kill yourself. And let’s say you decide to stay alive to see what happens. Maybe you can try a little bit to fix certain parts of your life. Try for some of the goals you've dreamed of. Just the ones that you think you have a slight chance at succeeding. What if you end up being happy? Isn’t that "what if" worth holding on for a few more years?
  11. wooho jumping into the sea, that must of been quite an experience although obviously landing in water won't kill you.
  12. xenflyz

    xenflyz Member

    Yeah I thought I would drown eventually. I unfortunately suck at suicide.
  13. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    It's better than doing nothing. If the OP thinks they have schizophrenia then medication and treatment can ease the symptoms. Anxiety can be controlled also. Effective treatment for depression differs from one to the next.

    I meant support groups and the like.

    I'm interested in what you would suggest to help the OP.
  14. The Groop

    The Groop Member

    When I was 16 that was my first choice of killing myself. I knew I could swim, so got a bottle of scotch & sat on the end of the pier thinking that if I was really drunk I would be too drunk to survive, unfortunately I got drunk & went & rang a friend to say goodbye, next thing I knew he came dowm & stopped me from going through with it.

    Will never say goodbye to people next time, just do it.
  15. xenflyz

    xenflyz Member

    Yeah I hear you... I mentioned the place where I was planning to jump from the day before to my parents and left a suicide note. After 20 mins of being in the sea police boat came up to save me.
  16. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I envy the people who have finally come to peace with the realization that they'll be doing it soon. I constantly struggle with myself - part of me wants to live, and part of me wants to die. When will it be my turn?
  17. theothermask

    theothermask Member

    Anyone who suggests medicine, don't realise that this solution is maybe for other people around the "cured". So they have a peace in their hearts that he/she is still alive. Have you imagined life as a retard, addicted to medics, immobilized.. And suicide isn't "doing nothing".

    xenflyz, if you're ok with living as retard, then take medics. Im not saying it will surely turn you into a vegetable, but... Chance is quite big. You should consider this option when choosing your path.
  18. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

  19. <Mod Edit: Quotes deleted post>

    The good news is, that I'm still praying for the SF staff to protect the SF members from being religiously attacked with messages saying that they are "going to hell" if they don't worship Jesus, and if they suicide. This is a support site, not a site for religious threats.
    Last edited: May 14, 2008

  20. I see that my prayers have been answered. Thank you, SF staff.

    Also, I couldn't imagine myself jumping from a bridge. Too many risks.
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