Planning the Act

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by maranature, May 18, 2009.

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  1. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    I've pinpointed the place I'd end it: a bridge XXXX the Intercity 125 trains. It'd be quick. I don't have access to a gun and so that's the next best option I guess.

    Ironically, the first thought I have that stops me from doing it is the mess that I'd leave behind and the guilt associated with that. Of course, I won't be around to feel the guilt.

    There'd be a brief period of mourning for me, I guess, but it'd be all be forgotten about pretty quickly.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2009
  2. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You won't be around for the guilt but all your family / friends will be. EVERYONE is forgotten eventually.So people without these feelings, passing away in the 'normal' manner are forgotten, so that's not an argument. Please don't feel guilty about having these thoughts they are normal. Please call someone, start getting help, make a cup of coffee (I'm gonna) Do SOMETHING. Read the first forum...?...
  3. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    No, it's nearly over, I can feel it deep down. The reaper beckons.
  4. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Can you let us / someone know what steps you've taken to find help, if any? There is lots of support even on this site. That's why you came here. Like me. Like everyone here. You can PM me if you like. Did you make the coffee?
  5. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    Cheers for the vote of confidence, but I'm unable to penetrate my hopelessness. I'm going to go and get some exercise. I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow, but I'm right on the edge. In fact, I'm almost at the point where I'm at peace with the my candle will be quietly snuffed out.
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    All of us have been where you are. I was for sure. My life isnt perfect today, but it is manageable.

    And I keep working on it.

    Life is a journey. And in as much as we like to think we know what's going to happen to us, we just don't. You really never know what tomorrow may bring.

    I'd say...stick around awhile. Talk to us, share with us what brought you here. Heck if you are really set on it, that method will still be there in a week or a month from now.

    But in the meantime, USE US. What the heck? Got nothing else to loose, and you just might get some ideas or suggestions that you hadnt even begun to think about before.
  7. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah. All of us have been there. Some still are. Some may be again. and again. No trick to finally becoming 'happy', in my experience. Just different levels of effort. Some days you might not even have to make any effort. I know this all sounds hollow, but there MUST be some sense in it. There are too many of us here for us ALL to be wrong.
  8. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    Exercise sounds like a good idea. I don't find the worry about the mess at all strange. It has entered into all the plans I've made. The inability to accept the aftermath on my family is what has kept me alive. I care about my children even though I'm not always convinced they care about me. Or even ever.
    Anyway, it's a good thing.
  9. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    It just feels like a matter of when rather than if. There's simply no point pretending otherwise. I can't specify a time or place but it's just a feeling I have. It's like my protest at life, I guess.
  10. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    Been there. It is worth fighting the feeling, though. Life is gained in single moments. You don't have to commit to stay alive, just decide, not right now.
  11. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    Although I'm not saying you should do something by any means, you really shouldn't jump. It ends poorly for everyone.
  12. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    The fact that you are having second thoughts due to the mess left behind shows that you are not really 100% behind doing this. This is a good thing, think long and hard and i'm sure you'll think of other reasons also.
  13. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    The thing is, regardless of anything that I do or try, the suicidal feelings return. I'm just surviving on instinct, but there's a limit to that.
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