planning to disappear

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by OnlyChild, Oct 27, 2010.

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  1. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    hi everyone. I want to disappear from my family. But that would mean my friends too as they would tell my family where I am. So I have to disappear completely. I'm frightened of being alone. Do you think the community here would support me, or do I need to get to know people here first?
    all the best
     
  2. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    First off why do you want to leave your family?
     
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    If you mean in terms of supporting your disappearence - No

    If you mean in terms of supporting you emotionally - Absolutely.

    As I say to anyone I reply to - and indeed anyone else - feel free to PM me. I'm not a fount of knowledge but getting things off your chest is a good start!

    Blessing
    Chris
     
  4. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    Hi Johnny and Chris
    Thanks for your quick replies. I just want to get away, disappear. Too frightened to do anything to harm myself so I figured I could just vanish. Nobody would know where I was. Problem is money. If I carry it all with me I could be robbed. If I use a bank account they can find me.
     
  5. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Would you be OK telling a little bit about yourself and your situation, I don't want to give advice or support that may not be relevant to you. I'm encouraged that you a) don't want to harm yourself and b) that you're on here talking to us :D
     
  6. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    Why exactly would you want to harm yourself?
     
  7. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    I'm a single mum, boys have grown up and left home. I gave them everything I have emotionally. They don't like me anymore but still expect me to be there. My parents have never loved me but still expect me to be there. I want out so badly
     
  8. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    Sorry, I forgot to say thank you...
     
  9. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Gods - you know that feeling when you have to rethink your next post...:D - first off I shall be frank I'm 22 and male, thus cannot expect to have the same life experiences as you - although your current feelings are familar to me.

    My advice - and it only comes from what I consider to be relative common sense rather than any training or specific expertise - is to see if you can talk about the situation to a friend you trust, principally because getting things off your chest is a good first step! Secondly I would advise going to your doctor if it's making you unwell, may I ask at this point also which country you're in?
     
  10. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    You're the same age as my older son! And very wise, I'm in the UK. I've talked to friends, they are great and a real support. My doc knows too, and I'm on the list for counselling but it's about 6 months wait.
    I just want to disappear so my family will realise what they missed. if they don't miss me then that's an even better reason to leave. But I have bills to pay, a job, a cat who snores and she does love me....
     
  11. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Cats are possibly the greatest stress relief ever devised by whatever God(s) there are! I sympathise with your situation re counselling - it's worth the wait though - as long as you're honest.

    As a fellow Brit, may I recommend Relate who specialise in relationship counselling - you can find them at: relate.org.uk

    I went for some relationship counselling with them with my parents which was helpful in the long run - and then got some one-on-one counselling too. They're a fantastic resource.
     
  12. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    oh how I wish my sons would do that. That's why I want to disappear. They dislike me so much. Problem with relate is you have to pay. I'm not poor, but every penny is going in the home. The boys never come home but I don't want to sell it because it's their home too and I want to wait until they have finished uni and have their own rooms to store their stuff.
    Your family are very lucky to have you. Your future is great if you can face things like you have and know enough about life to give such good advice. You can go from strength to strength, be a solid friend, perhaps partner and perhaps owner of a great cat one day!
     
  13. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    I just wanted to say my godson, who is 18, is lovely. He knows what's happened with my boys. He and his girlfriend come and stay. He doesn't say anything but always gives me a big hug when he arrives and leaves.
     
  14. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Might it be worth in that case trying to talk to him or his family, if they already know then keep them up to speed.

    May I ask why your own sons don't like you anymore as you see it?
     
  15. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    His mum is a good friend, so they know.
    Problem started because my older son told me he had a secret when he went to uni. He wouldn't tell me what. He just said 'you don't know everything about me'. I told him he could tell me anything, but he wouldn't say. He became more grumpy and withdrawn. Then I asked if perhaps the secret was that he was gay (which I'd be totally fine about) and he lost it. I'd asked the wrong question. Then after that everything I said and did grated him. Then he stopped answering my calls, then anyones calls. He had given up Uni it turned out. Then he came home, no job, I looked after him, gave him all he needed, but just got hate back. Then he said he was suffering from Bipolar. He wouldn't take meds. Then my younger son came home from uni and I found they were doing drugs in the upstairs bathroom. I didn't loose it, I just said I was disappointed and that they shouldn't do drugs if one of them was not well. Hard to put in every detail but you get the idea. So they both left home and I've only seen my younger son since. When I call they either ignore the call or scream that the xu&^% hate me. My parents say I must have abused them for them to be like that. I know I've only loved them. That's why I want to disappear. A beach.
     
  16. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Do you have a mutual friend of your son(s) that you can use as a contact point - either to let them know anything important but equally to leave your door open.

    I should say at this point that when I came clean about having spent most of my final Uni term in my room and everything else came out in the wash, my Dad did ask - not quite sure why but his mind would've been scrambled by all my revalations - if I was gay. I didn't lose it but I do have a small degree of sympathy with your eldest, because if you're asked about it, and are straight, then your ego takes a massive hit. That however does not in any shape or form make his actions acceptable or largely understandable.

    If all you get is abuse down a phone line, then maybe you should try other forms of communication, be that letter writing, email or passing messages through a mutual friend. If the situation is as you say it is then they might well come back around if/when things go wrong. I would leave the door open, but it's not on you to chase them any more - they're legally adults and when it gets to that stage there's only so much a child will let a parent do.
     
  17. OnlyChild

    OnlyChild Member

    Thank you so much for talking to me this evening. You are fantastic, you've calmed me down (for now!). The communication will always be an issue I think because the truth is they don't want to communicate with me - but I have their complaints ringing in my ears - "you didn't call me" "you never came to visit me" (in 2 years I went to visit him at Uni 5 times, twice in a week when he went to hospital and it was a 5 hour drive there and back). So I want to just leave it and not contact them, but then they will get angry that I didn't. I think they are just angry.
    I called my younger son twice to ask whether he wanted to meet to get a birthday present. No reply. Then a text to say I would be away for a week. No reply. My older son and I have an agreement not to be in touch for a while.
    I really just want to leave them alone now.
    I feel sad as they are my only family other than my parents.
    I so wanted a family.
    Anyway, it's time to get some rest - you too!
    night night
     
  18. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Not a problem - happy to be of some help, keep in touch and look after yourself.

    Sleep well,
    Blessing
    Chris
     
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