Planning to end it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by cots, Nov 12, 2013.

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  1. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    <mod edit - guidelines> I've been putting it off for so long I think it's about time I did something to make sure they're not all just empty talk.

    <mod edit> I would also like to make a note saying that if my suicide attempt was to fail and my brain dies and I don't, please do not put me on some machine to sustain my empty shell.

    Right now I just need to finish playing this video game, meet a couple of friends for a meal, <mod edit> and hope for success.

    <mod edit>
    I need to muster the courage to do it though. I still feel scared at the thought, but I know it'll be for the best.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2013
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Why not just promise to try to exhaust all viable remedies towards living, first, instead of investing all this time and energy into dying? Invest all your planning and readiness into planning a life for yourself, instead of a grave.

    If it's true that you keep your word, you should make your word something that would benefit your future and not destroy it.

    I would hope you come to see things possibly going towards the upswing, but in the meantime, you will need an advance directive or living will if you want specific decisions on medical procedures in the event you are unconscious or flat lined. Otherwise other people horrified at this, such as relatives who care about you, will have to make decisions for you which you may not want. The thing about being dead is you don't get authority in what happens to you or your memories or how others will act out upon finding your corpse by suicide.

    The After Effects and Loved & Lost forums are testament to the nonexistent foolproof suicide. There are always others who will suffer as well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2013
  3. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    Thank you, PB. I am feeling less suicidal now after having lunch with a friend, but I know all the negative feelings will come back to haunt me later on.

    I have read the After Effects forum, as part of my research on the things to expect during my death. I admit I am afraid, but I am also very afraid of my bleak future.

    I feel really tired of trying. I know I'm a quitter, I can't help but feel resigned. I try my best to think happy thoughts but I know I'm just lying to myself. I'm tired of ups and downs, feeling hopeful yet fearful. I'm sick of all the memories that are haunting me. I'm just done. If there was a pill to erase memories I'll take it. I don't really want to die I guess, I just don't want this pain to continue, and I can't find any other solutions.
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    As Prinnctopher'sbelt mentioned, putting as much careful thought, research, and planning into a way to make something better - does not need to be everything , just pick one thing to try to make better- would be of more use.

    It is useless to ask for a DNR or removal of supports on a suicide attempt in most countries as it is pre-determined you are not of sound mind to make that request.

    You have mentioned friends and video games as things that mean something to you or bring happiness already, what else?
  5. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    Thank you NYJmpMaster. Right now I just feel like I can never move past all the hurt I've experienced in the past which is why I feel like ending it all. I find it scary to have to live with all the painful memories which can never be erased and I can't seem to find a solution.


    It's fine, I just found out I got lied to by someone I thought cared. I give up. I'm doing it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2013
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