Planning to kill myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jolli, Jul 17, 2009.

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  1. jolli

    jolli New Member

    I am 37 years of Age & I have Suffered from
    bipolar & schitzaphrenia all my Life!!
    I also have a Severe Muscle loss Disease in my Legs!!
    Cannabis keeps me Stable & is the Only
    thing that Stops me from Getting Suicidal Thoughts!!!!
    But the Government won't allow that & don't really
    care that Cannabis Works!! They are Tyrants!!
    I refuse to Spend my life being classed as a Criminal!
    I'm not a Criminal!! I'm just trying to Ease my Pain!!
    I can't fight the Fight Anymore & Am planning to kill
    myself in 6weeks; it just has to be Done!!
    I'm all alone & have no one or nothing to live for !!!
    I'm just so sick of Life!!!
    All I need to lead my life is my Medical Marijuana!!
    I don't live in USA!!
    I'm not scared anymore & am feeling at Peace Knowing I am Going Soon!!!
     
  2. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    :unsure: sorry you are going through all that.Are you treated for your psychological problems?Isn't there treatment for your muscle loss?I'm glad you want to wait 6 weeks as that will give you time to work through this.I know that it feels like a relief to just let go and say I am going to end it all..at such and such a time..but you can feel that same relief if you were getting the proper help both mentally and physically.I personally do not think cannabis should be illegal either but I wish they could incorporate cannabis into a treatment program that is monitored and controlled for safety's sake.I hope venting here helps you a little.Don't bottle up your feelings..let it out here.
    Take care
     
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi I am glad you found us but sorry that your in pain right now.
    My reply was gonna be much like ashes_away so wont repeat what has been said already.
    Heck I say move here to USA before you kill yourself,,,pot is everywhere where I live.
    Please tell us more about yourself so we can help figure things out. I understand the idea of giving yourself a point in time but only if you try like hell to make the changes that will help...like moving to a place that is cool with a treatment thatworks for you.
    Hope to hear from you,
    B
     
  4. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey jolli :hug:
    i'm sorry you're feeling this way and circumstances aren't good for you
    but there are other ways you can get better - different treatments and therapies
    please reconsider what you're planning :heart: you're worth so much more than this
    triggs xx
     
  5. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain, Jolli. I have suffered from severe depression since I was 11 years old, now I am 19. A little over 4 months ago I was caught for marijuana, the only antidepressant that worked on me, and believe it was the ONLY antidepressant that worked. I tried therapy, counseling, talking to friends, Celexa (an antidepressant), calming music, yoga.... you name it and my thoughts could not be supressed by anything except weed. 1030 AM on Sunday I have to appear for court so they can tell me that I have to stay off my antidepressant for a full year. All of my friends, my family, they know I'm not a bad person, they know I'm not a druggy, a stoner, a loser, a dumbarse, because I'm not! But the law? The law sees anyone that uses marijuana or drugs as a loser, even if legalized things such as tobacco and alcohol (which are more harmful than weed) are more available to me than weed is. It is going to truly be hell for me that I have to quit for so long, but I will get through it.

    If you are really concerned about not getting weed move to California. My friend moved out there and within 2 weeks he had medical. Doug Benson, creator of Super High Me, bullshitted a back problem so he could legally smoke and make a documentary about weed and how actually harmless it is. Move to Canada, move to California, move to Michigan and get legal medical. I'm trying not to sound like a stoner here but from the sounds of it... your life depends on it. From one pot smoker to the next, I feel you. America is the breeding ground for depression, and the leaders in not having the medicine to cure it.

    Keep your head up. It can be hard to keep your head up when the weight of the world is holding it down. If you're on probation, or got in trouble for weed like me... Just know, one day you will be off. Learn from your mistakes and never smoke pot where you can be caught. Smoke at home, smoke in extremely safe neighborhoods.

    Last summer was the summer after my senior year, the first year I met all my friends from high school. We built a house in the woods and all we did have sit around a bon fire and smoke weed all day. It was amazing and I loved it! The mosquitoes got too bad and finally someone who wasn't my friend tore it down. I miss that house in the woods every day. It was first touch of freedom and the first time I was actually happy. It is so amazing how much fun you can have sitting around a fire at 2 am in the middle of the woods (over a 5 minute walk in) around a bon fire. Or getting out of school and getting stoned and just throwing rocks at trees.

    Don't kill yourself. I can't tell you life will get better, but eventually you have weed back. I'm going to smoke it forever.
     
  6. jolli

    jolli New Member

    Wow Thanku All For Caring!! I'm a bit Overwhelmed!!
    Yes I have been getting help since 2001. They have had me
    on So Many Tablets; Aropax, Avanza, Lexapro, just to name a Few.
    Aurorix & Cymbalta almost killed me with Bad Allergic Reactions.
    They also prescribe Sleeping Tablets, Valium & Xanax!!
    All have not worked. Now I'm seeing A Bipolar Institute here where
    I live!! Cannabis works better than any of these Tablets.
    I'm stuck here in Australia. The Govt here is a Bit Slack on Research & Mental Health care!! I feel the System has let me Down!!
    I can't work anymore!! I used to have a great career in the
    Music Industry. My legs; well they still can't seem to find the Cause after 4years.
    My thoughts goes a Million miles an hour & pot slows it down to a Pace where I can cope with it. Without Cannabis it is all too much!!! I cannot cope!! I fall apart constantly.
    I've tried their ways but they won't Accept what really Works.
    I'm just a Loser to the Govt here & they Really don't care if I kill myself!!
    I've written to the Premier & Health Minister many times & they never reply or say they will call back but Never Do.
    I am just so worn out... I need a Stable Regulated Supply of Medical Marijuana.
    I would love to move to US or Canada but don't know where to start to even get there.
    The Govt & Police here have no compassion!
    I dream of living somewhere where I am Accepted;
    It's all I want!!!
    I have enough money left for the next Six Weeks to cover my Cannabis, Food & Bills!
    Then when I run out I am going to take Sleeping Tablets & burn Charcoal in a Seeled Small room I have.
    Then No more Battling!!!
    It's a Pity because yes I am a Smart Talented Guy!
     
  7. jolli

    jolli New Member

    I am Really at Peace with my Decision!
    If I feel the time is Right before the 6week mark I will do it then!!!
     
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