Plans are being made

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GS9, Mar 24, 2012.

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  1. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I got the plan all set in my mind even about dealing with the people down stairs from me lol, giving them 50$ to go see a movie or something so they dont have to hear a 'bang' :laugh: i have the idea all planned out just need to get some 'equipment'
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just hoping you don't go through with it. What's wrong, what's brought you to this point? Please keep talking.
     
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I hope you never do get the 'equipment' because a far better plan would be to call a suicide hotline when you find yourself in a serious pinch.
    But in the end, if you do or not is ultimately your choice, but just hope that you see the sense at the worst of times to realise that it might put an end to your problems, but it will cause your family and neighbours even more problems down the line.
     
  4. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    i still need to sit down and write out my last will,
    if i call the suicide hotline which i have done before (the chick that answered seemed not to give a fuck)
    i called them at 4am before..

    i dont really have family or friends anymore
    i am trying to get back to drugs to atleast feel some form of happiness but currently i started up drinking again
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know I care. Here if you need anything.
     
  6. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I am feeling a little better but my journey through this life is very tough to bare as i travel though the days of this world,
    I remember when i was wrongfully arrested last year and how i was divided
    Half of me did not care and found some sort of happiness
    The Other half did not want to accept being blamed for something i did not do

    While in jail i tried to be-friend everyone and told everyone my stories of life and why i was in jail,
    It left me able to have 3 people out of the cell block to make it hard on me,
    I would not fight back because i did not want to catch a charge knowing that i will be found innocent

    I sent requests in for cell block transfers
    I even volunteered to go to solitary confinement

    after 4 weeks in jail i was transferred to solitary confinement block

    :laugh: i found a great sense of happiness, so deep that i could have spent the rest of my life being alone in a cell

    my life in whole is a filled with sorrow, regret, and guilt
    I stopped counted how many airplanes i flew in, how many cars i drove, how many houses i lived in, and tried to never think about the fact of no privacy and no home

    I know and i can tell you guys that my mental health is going down hill,
    If the road called life can be in bad condition it will cause excessive amount of damage on your car called body and mind

    As i am slowly losing interest in things i once loved and the thoughts of self harm grow
    It leaves me wondering if i am alive or just already dead,
    am i just a zombie walking around till i die?
    I lost my goals and dreams towards the future when i left the army

    Being neglected and abused as a child watching as my sisters were always praised while i was never even looked toward
    When i enlisted i wanted a combat MOS i wanted to be active duty

    A just hit 17yr old soldier ready to go to iraq
    While in the service things happened

    and before i knew it was thrown back to civilian life homeless with nothing left
    I went to drugs and alcohol

    its been a long 4 year journey
    Just got my own apartment
    I got my job back after i got out of jail
    working on getting a car

    but there's alot of times when i just want to end it all...
    I'm not happy and haven't been happy since after the military
    its like i dont remember the warmth of happiness and love any more
    goals and ambition any more

    *sighs* i know i am not alone in these feels but
    to say that someone that went through the same life and still stay positive is just impossible
    even the happiest person in the world will eventually meet sadness
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're right... you've been through hell. And what you've gone through, would probably bring anyone down. But you've also made it so far in these past 4 years. I know, because I've watched you do it. I know you're still feeling really low, but you aren't in the same place you were a few years ago, or even just a year ago.
    You're strong. Maybe you don't feel strong right now, but you are. And you can fight your way through this. You won't always feel this down, or this sad.
     
  8. TheLostSoul

    TheLostSoul New Member

    Please Don't go threw with it. I know how it feels to feel like that's all you can do. but trust me. it's not. there is a reason you are here. I feel like I'm better off dead all the time. I've ODed so many times to end it. But I'm still here. People do care weather they show it or not. They do care. Just try to find something no matter how big or small that makes you happy. what makes me happy is drugs and alcohol. I know it's bad and I know I'm under age but it makes me happy so i do it.
     
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