I've been trying to write for hours tonight/this evening. But I can't find the right words or make any sense even to myself. Everything is jumbled. I was or wanted to express my thoughts and why I'm coming to a conclusion that seems unavoidable. But to try and do that seems impossible at the moment. The mind is overwhelmed with much and I know I should start at the beginning but I'm not sure anymore where that is. Or, actually, what the point would be. I don't feel I can face a future as things are now. Someone who promised they'd be somewhere for me tomorrow will not now be. It hurt when they said that tonight. It highlighted again how fragile my existence is, not to mention unimportant. Anyway tonight I've been back to negative thoughts. Well, not negative thoughts, but permanent ideation. It scares me but I can't go on like this.