Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Aug 23, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I've been trying to write for hours tonight/this evening. But I can't find the right words or make any sense even to myself. Everything is jumbled. I was or wanted to express my thoughts and why I'm coming to a conclusion that seems unavoidable. But to try and do that seems impossible at the moment. The mind is overwhelmed with much and I know I should start at the beginning but I'm not sure anymore where that is. Or, actually, what the point would be.

    I don't feel I can face a future as things are now.

    Someone who promised they'd be somewhere for me tomorrow will not now be. It hurt when they said that tonight.

    It highlighted again how fragile my existence is, not to mention unimportant. Anyway tonight I've been back to negative thoughts. Well, not negative thoughts, but permanent ideation. It scares me but I can't go on like this.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I wish I had the words to make you feel better; just want you to know I'm here, I care, and I'm listening. :hug:
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks WC.... I'm not sure there are words that I would actually hear anyhow tbh. And I'm not sure why I felt like I needed to share this "stuff". But there it is and that's that. Take care.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    :( I am so sorry this is happening, my friend. I wish there was something I could do to help. Please try to let me know if there is. I do care !!!
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Flowers.... Just look after yourself. :hugtackles:
  6. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    MoAnamCara, that person may not be there for you but people here are and always willing to listen.

    gra, siochain, ta suil. I like the translation of your name.
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :arms: I'm sorry someone has let you down. That can hurt so much!

    I know that you are a lovely, caring person and don't deserve to have people disappoint you. It says more about them than about you. You are still a lovely, caring person who deserves to be treated well. Sometimes (ugh!), we have to be one who treats our own self well - especially when others let us down.

    If I lived in your town/city, you could call on me and I'd pop over to see you and lend a hand if I could. And for support and talking, you have all of us here on SF.

    Please, recognize how wonderful you are and how inconsiderate that other person is being. It is not YOU. You are a good person who deserves good things. :arms:
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    It is no trouble at all to be good to you. You are such a good person, Mo. A really good person. You are so kind and caring and giving. You deserve good people in your life. I, for one, am grateful to know you. If I can do anything, please let me know. Okay? :hug:
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I don't want to be here and go through this anymore. That's me being honest. It's always something.
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I know its difficult beyond words, Mo. I wish you could get a break, get some relief... in a healthy way. You have been through to much. You have done good holding on. I hope you will continue to hold on. Even though I know its hard. Harder than I could know.
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    my heartfelt thanks to you all
  12. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Dear Mo, I am so sorry. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow/today brings something of joy and peace to you. ♥♥♥
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    It's an over active mind.... Just can't stop thinking "now what"... And why?? That's a big part of it. And replaying events, all sorts of events over and over and over. I'm okay and then I'm not and then I'm not at all and on the roller coaster goes. Lost some time today.... Thoughts come and I go. Idk. Questions, lots of questions.
  14. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I care, Mo. A lot. These things called minds can be so very hard to live with. Oh how I wish they could just be quieted. Just to say thank you. But enough for now. Just please know I care :hug:
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    i swear im so frustrated. typed something and got logged out and its gone. and its a bad nightand i just cant go there again. more tears. too many tears today.
  16. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Very triggered. Thanks
  17. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    I know what it is like to type something and have yourself get logged out! :mad-new: Especially if you have typed something long, that really expressed what you want to say, and then it is gone. Now, when I am finished typing, I have taken to highlighting everything, right-click, hit "copy," and then if I get logged out, I can log back in, start a new reply, right-click, hit "paste," and it's all back there. It helps.

    As for your feelings, everyone else is right - we are all here for you. It would mean a lot to me if I can help.

    You look at your life, and you ask, "Why," and try to make sense of it. Sometimes, there is no "why." At least, not one that we can understand. As far as we can see, things just happen, and our job is not to try to determine whether it is right or not, but just to do the best we can to overcome all the s**t and have a good life. Just get what we need, without trying to figure out why we should need it.

    Two days ago, when I came here, I started getting a lot of things I needed - affirmation, support, understanding. I felt loved for the first time in a long time. I hope you can, too. :hug:
  18. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am here. And I care. I know that things irl are what you are talking about. I hope you will keep going, Mo. Not because I want you to continue to be in pain. But because I feel that you do have good days coming in the future. I understand that now the pain is so uncontrolable and excruciating. Please know I am here for you. Even though I know that doesnt lessen this pain you speak of. :hug:
  19. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    i took some eaxstra pills tonight o help with soething. i wond er sitting here if in can make more an tonecontieu an d see what happens. i could just go fasl asllep and be odne.
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know hun but please hold on ok we are all here holding on with you
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