Played by a Straight Girl

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ScarlettHurts1990, Apr 6, 2015.

  1. ScarlettHurts1990

    ScarlettHurts1990 Active Member

    So, I broke up with my ex-fiancé 7 mos ago. We were still living together in our apartment when we broke up and I stayed there for 5 more mos (it wasn't fun). While there, I fell madly in love with my boss at the retail store where I worked. I mean, this girl was GORGEOUS and I was attracted to her because of her personality, not just the looks. I hated her the first year because I thought she felt she was better than everyone, but we quickly began bonding once me and my ex broke up. This girl, I'll call her Elle, suddenly began being really sweet to me. I thought nothing of it, until I noticed that she didn't treat anyone else the way she treated me. I seemed to be different to her. She made it a point to come talk to me at my register, would stare at me for minutes on end (even when she thought I didn't notice) and took such a keen interest in me that people started asking me questions about us. I fell for the girl really hard. We went to this walk thing and she was all over me, following me and even offering to buy me coffee (but no one else). She began complimenting my outfits and then saying how "pretty" and "adorable" I was and such adjectives. She was my boss so there had to be some boundaries but I could tell by her hot and cold, off and on attitude that she was struggling with her feelings for me. I mean, it was blatantly obvious and I flirted right back with her, even telling her she was beautiful to which she responded by lighting up and offering me a cookie in her breakroom (lol). She started making excuses to touch me (my arm, my hand) and kept talking about how weird it was that we starting working their the same week. We definitely had something going on and I fell in love with her. I really expected something to come out of it. I mean, she was all over me, constantly flirting (she even asked me once if I thought she should by a certain pair of lingerie tights) and commenting on how cute I was and so on. I really thought she liked me. She took her job very seriously- she was my boss after all- and treated NO ONE the flirtatious way she treated me. So I finally get the balls to tell her. It was getting too unhealthy living with my ex so I needed to decide quick if I was going to stay in the area I was currently living in or if I was going to move back home. I found her on facebook and told her everything- that I thought she was smart, funny and beautiful and how, although I respected her as my manager, I had strong feelings for her. A couple days later she took me to the back of the store and told me with a smile that, although she was flattered, she didn't like mixing personal with professional. I was stunned and confused. I mean, the girl literally flirted with me hardcore for MONTHS. Then she started making comments about guys purposely around me, just to break my heart further. I honestly felt very suicidal after that. How could she play with me when she knew I was into girls and had just gone through a bad breakup? It was so cruel. She was sad to hear I put in my two week's notice. I have a theory that she did have feelings for me, but was too scared to admit it for the sake of her job, the friends I had at work, or the whole LGBT thing. What do you guys think? It sucks because I fell IN LOVE with her and I just feel played and used.
  2. There can be such a fine line between playful flirting and romantic advances. I've fallen for a couple guys who I thought were coming onto me. Inevitably, it wasn't what I thought. But in the end I can't read minds. I can't know anyone's true intentions. If I ask them and they say it was innocent, I have to trust that. I can't spend all my energy second-guessing myself or them. I think I have to remind myself that no one can make me fall for them. I have the capacity to love and care deeply. Sometimes falling for someone, whether it's real or not, is just a natural reaction.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Everyone has their own side to the story.

    Your perception might differ than hers.

    But if she was totally doing this on purpose it was not cool at all. Gay or Straight that game that you said she played was probably one of the worst things people do to one another. I personally think some people do it to boost their own self esteem at the expense of others. Theyre just the users.
  4. bonnevie

    bonnevie Member

    The other two responses to this thread are spot on, but I thought I'd jump in because I've had this exact scenario happen to me, too. I can really imagine how you must be feeling and I'm so sorry for that. When it happened to me, I began to question everything, feeling more and more foolish as I had to disregard everything that happened as "my own imagination", even if it didn't feel or look that way. But, it sounds like your boss really contributed to the spark that you had between you, and even from reading your perspective alone, it sounds like there was a pretty significant spark. There could be many explanations for why she did what she did, but like mentioned above, her viewpoint of the situation may be massively different to yours. If she deliberately used you, that's another story and you did the right thing by walking away, that's what I would have done anyway.

    Anyway, after it happened to me, it forced me to change the way I think. I typically used to be an over-analyser anyway, so it was good for me to take a step back and give myself some real thinking time before I jump to any conclusions. And, if I'm still wondering what the deal is after trying to think logically, then I casually bring it up with the person. I think it's good to be open about these things so you know where you stand, especially if it could ease the tension in a workplace.

    I hope you're feeling okay, I know this thread was made a while ago, but it caught my eye.

    Jen :)