playing with pills

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by slim_to_none, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    this is probably pointless.
    ive been feeling very suicidal lately.
    i would say last night i was in crisis.
    now. im feeling the aftermath of being in crisis.

    i played with some pills last night.
    just OTC stuff.
    and by played with. i mean took.
    not enough to do any damage.
    but enough to knock me out for basically 24 hours.

    all i can think about is how i could possibly get some more pills considering its after they lock the doors of the hospital. im on restriction to the clinic anyway. and all i want is some more pills.

    i know its stupid thinking.
    i just dont know.
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    First things first. You shouldnt think that taking any size of overdose can do no harm. I was talking to a guy who's friend took 10 parecetamol without any alcohol. It has no effect on him for three days and then he collapsed because the chemicals started to destroy his liver and he was in serious pain. If youve taken anything in quantity then go to the doctor, especially if your feeling giddy or you get pains in yout stomach area.

    Secondly are you addicted to the pills your taking? And is this why the clinic won't let you in? You need to tell us the details so we can give you some proper guidance. If you find it hard just give your story in stages or if you want to talk to one of the administrators (very nice ppl) you can PM them individually.

    Thirdly, if you compare your life now to what it could be like, it helps. I strongly recommend you speak to a trained professional. BTW, do you believe in a God?
  3. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    P.S Actually, you should PM anyone who will listen. Theres loads of people on this forum and your bound to find help and experience of your problems from other people here.
  4. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    thank you for a reply.
    i dont feel giddy or anything.
    i have a skin rash (which i had before i did anything).
    and they're going to do a blood test on me tomorrow. so if something is wrong. ill get caught out because of that im sure.

    im not addicted to the pills. well, i say that, but i probably am.....
    painkillers. ive been getting them because of an injury.

    and if i am to tell the whole story.
    im in hospital. in a psych clinic in my state.
    i have internet access (thankfully).
    and the nurses here are very unapproachable.
    my doctors registrar is the only person i can talk to really.
    and she had me put on restrictions today to keep me safe.

    its night staff time now.
    they refuse to talk to you about issues.
    its "wind down" time.
    i dont really want to pm anybody.
    i just dont know what to do with myself.

    if i could speak to a professional i would.
    but the only professionals around are nurses.
    and my pdoc is someone i hate (he irritates me. which isnt a good thing).
    and my caseworker is also male and therefore i cant talk to him either. (my pdoc is male too).
    i can only speak to females about things. (i am female myself).
    and the female i would contact is my psychologist and its 10pm at night so im not going to be able to get her till tomorrow.
    and shes already let me know that shes working straight from 9-3 tomorrow with no breaks at all.

    wow. i feel like a total loser posting.
    im sorry.
    i shouldnt be rabbiting on.

    i guess ive started now.
    if anyone else wants to know more details ill give them i guess.
    thanks for your time.
  5. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    You definitly not a loser. And you don't rabbit on. Everyone is here to help you. The best thing you should do is when you see your psychologist, tell her exactly what you told us. About your doctors and nurses not being approachable and that youde rather see a female. I mean i dont blame you, i'm a guy and i cant go to the doctors because my GP is a female and i find it really awkward and embarrasing telling her any personnal issues.
    It boils down to the fact that if you don't trust the people your talking to, then it's not always helpful talking to them. The internet is a great medium for talking because your anonymous unless you don't want to be so it should make it a lot easier to talk to people. How did you get your injury btw?
  6. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    yeah. thanks for the response.
    i can understand not wanting to talk to someone of the opposite sex.
    i have major issues with males. just over something that is in my past really.
    there will be nurses here in the morning. but i doubt that they'll be ones i can talk to.
    there are like, two nurses here that i'd talk to. and i think one of them is on tomorrow.
    i just dont think i could tell anyone that i'd messed around with tablets though.
    i want to get out of here.
    i find that the internet is the only place where i can be honest about things.

    and the injury. is a knee problem. i also have an eating disorder.
    so i exercise a fair amount.
    i used to have problems with my knee a few years back.
    and through exercising, i reaggrevated the injury to the point where i couldnt walk.
    now, about 6 weeks later, i am walking again, and i dont really NEED the painkillers. but i take them because i can and because they numb my body completely.
    i was in severe pain. and i am in severe pain when i go to physio.
    but on non physio days.... i dont need the maximum tablets. but i take them anyway.
    which i guess is addiction. im addicted to the feelings of numbness.
    of nothing. of not hurting physically. of not knowing if i will hurt physically or not if i dont take the medication.

    ill keep replying to the thread as long as i am awake for.
    thank you for being there. and for responding.
  7. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    No probs. Also though, i think a really good way to let someone know whats bothering you is to ask them indirect questions. That is ask them questions about what a person might do if they have the same problems as you. I.e. Have you ever known anyone to practise overdosing and is this brought on by serious depression? Eventually they should click and then might ask you if your going through the same thing. It's so much easier to talk to someone when they ask you what is the matter. It's like theyve proven they are interested and want to listen. If it doesnt work, don't fret, as theres people out there who arnt that sensitive to other people and dont notice subtleties as much. I really do hope you get better (knee included). Do you like music?
  8. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    thanks for that.
    thats actually a good idea.
    i dont think i could do it with any of my professionals though.
    if i could only talk to my psychologist i think things would be better.
    i doubt that subtle remarks would work on my pdoc or his registrar (who is one of the people i talk to).
    im supposed to be getting a second opinion on my medication tomorrow.
    heres hoping they figure out something.

    and yes. i love music. im listening to Pink at the moment. her new album. im not dead.
  9. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Kewl, pinks a good artist. I love music, only thing that keeps me going. Everyone thinks i'm odd because i'll be listening to r&b one day, dance and trance the next, then rock and metal and top it all off with some classical. Veriety is the spice of life.
  10. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    yeah. music is something that i love too.
    i had to turn my cd off though.
    the nurse asked me to be silent.
    actually. she asked me to turn off my light and go to sleep.
    havent done either thing.
    thought i'd check here and see if you'd replied again.

    im going to go to sleep.
    but thank you for your responses tonight.
    honestly, you've kept me from going insane.
    thank you.
  11. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Thank you. I really like to help. Ive thought about life to its lowest core and it feels all pointless logically but emotionally its beautiful. I love helping people and it tears me up to think you can be sat there with no one to even talk to. Life is as cruel as everybosy makes it unfortunatly. But if you can just find a place in your mind where everything is exactly how you think it should be, it really does help.
    Are the nurses helpful or are they just being bossy for no reason?
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