Please answer me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by aDeux, Jun 16, 2009.

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  1. aDeux

    aDeux Member

    Hi, can someone please inform me if it is normal to actually enjoy being depressed? I feel it grants a sense of inner security not to deal with the outside world.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    That depends upon your definition of "normal". It is familiar to me I will say that but am I normal? I do feel there are times where the deep pain is okay but perhaps that is because I am not fighting it and allowing myself to feel what I feel. May be if you could explain a bit more? Not sure I am answering well but I do feel I understand you question.
    Let me know..
  3. aDeux

    aDeux Member

    Thanks for replying, I suppose there is no cut and dry definition of "normal". I guess what I am trying to say is that it's easier to deal with my own personal pain caused by myself than deal with the pain inflicted upon me by others. Dealing with the World has just made me so tired emotionally, but there is just something inside me that makes it feel unnatural to avoid it completely. Depression almost protects you from the outside by keeping you from the ones who hurt you, even though it sometimes feels unnatural to avoid life.
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Okay I understand better and do fee the same. Maybe it is me thinking that I am controlling my depression but it certainly is a barrier or wall between me and the world.
    Question is how healthy is this? I am not sure, it is what I am used to.
  5. aDeux

    aDeux Member

    I can't control my depression, some days are better than others but death still seems easier than life. The only thing holding me back is knowing I will hurt peoples feelings if I die. I feel I will be selfish in dying. I don't have anybody close to me that understands how I feel and thus i'm alone in my pain.
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I used to be like that. I also have a friend who is like that. But although depression is involved to an extent it is more of an issue of being reclusive.
  7. aDeux

    aDeux Member

    Yes I agree. I never used to be this way. The meds don't help, they only hide the truth.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think sometimes depression can also be a learned behavior. You become so accustomed to those feelings that you cannot imagine living without them because it is unknown and the unknown is more frightening than the known. I wouldn't say you necessarily like being depressed, but maybe it is where you feel the most comfortable and safe.
  9. aDeux

    aDeux Member

    I am thinking about ending it all. I don't know why I am still living, I don't know why I continue with this pain. I think this weekend I am going to finally end it. I don't even care where I go after it ends, I just want it to end.
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    from your post i see you are a caring person and would not want to cause pain to anyone else. As you said the ones you leave behind would be devastated by your loss. Your depression and pain is what you want gone not your life maybe you need to look at getting on different antidepressants ones that can help better i think you are to kind a person to cause pain to others take care
  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Dont give up. There are always reasons to carry on.
    With regards to you, is it normal to enjoy depression, i can't say whether it is normal. But i don't always find it a bad thing. My depression spurs me into a creative frenzy. At my lowest points i have produced my finest pieces. And, i'll admit, a part of me is concerned that if i seek help for the depression i'll lose my creativity. Irrational? Probably. But it makes me feel that the depression is something key to my creativity, key to my passion, and so, i guess you could say i do enjoy it to some extent.
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