Please anyone, I just can't anymore, no more strength left in me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wiener_bur, Jul 25, 2007.

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  1. wiener_bur

    wiener_bur Member

    I'm nearing on 21 and am a guy. Ever since being a teenager my life went to shit but it wasn't till around my 19s I started to become very suicidal and depressed. I have a history of some really shit health and mental problems and bad acne to make me more miserable.

    My past has been very painful, but right now I'm in crisis. In the past I had a bad anxiety problem around females which I mostly overcome now but that didn't help much either. I only had sex one time to date a few months ago and that was with an escort which was really dull and I don't want to get one again. I get girl's phone numbers from time to time, the reason since I don't have a job right now and can't keep one, and have no friends and no contact with anybody whatsoever, I have no oppurtunity to really meet people, so my only way to meet girls is on the street and most of the time that's hard since most girls are afraid to meet random guys on the street. I may have not much anxiety around them but my conversation skills to get them suck but once in a while I get a phone number but it doesn't get passed that. Either she don't pick up, she can't ever make it on a date, sees that my conversations are kinda boring since many times I just dunno what to say etc. I'm already getting used to this, and this happened every single time!!

    As of now I'm suffering from another health problem again!! This time some really bad throat problems for about a year. Went to the doc said it's reflux and I thought well this will be easy to treat but ever since then I been struggling like crazy, I'm on tons of reflux medication and still can't recover. Been to numerous docs and rules out several conditions and still shit, I'm so depressed about this I just dunno what to do.

    I finished about a year ago a medication called Accutane which can cure many people's acne or clear you for a long time but it's harsh to take. Finally I got my skin back after all those years, and on top I'm a really good-looking guy, girls defintely notice that, how many times I get compliments that I look like a model on the front page magazine but still my inexperience don't get me nowhere. But my clear skin and good-looks gave me the strength to hang in and made me a 100 times more confident around girls but now it seems that my acne is slowly coming back again, my clear skin was probably the only thing that kept me going. Accutane made me broke out even more during the whole 8 months I was on it until I finally cleared, I can't just pop it again. Although a second course usually does the trick but still it doesn't mean a dermatoligist will just give it to me, he may make me try all those useless creams and antibiotics which never got me nowhere and like I said that medication was a tough ride, I wore ugly long hair and beard over my face for about a damn year waiting on the day I'll be clear. I'm almost 21, not a fucking teenager, I'm embarrassed as fuck to have acne at this age!!

    My suicide reason, can't get a girl, I saw all those pretty girls on the street and know I can't get that and many times I see really hot girls with some ugly guys but they got it, I can't. My throat makes me feel shitty everyday and I'm sick of all these doctors. My acne is coming back, one and only thing that kept me going was my good-looks and clear skin and I'm about to be robbed from the last thing I had left.

    I was never able to achieve my manhood, my self-image was always plagued, my health always in trouble, loneliness and boredom that drives me nuts, don't know what to do the whole day. Always wanted to go to college or do something but couldn't because of the misery upon misery I had to go through. I'm losing it, for the past several days I been shaking on the street almost ready to jump of the root or under a train track but just can't. What now, what to do please help, I got no one to talk to.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 25, 2007
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say except that I know you will find someone. Use the things you have going for you to your advantage. You say the conversation gets boring for her. Ask he questions about herself. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their interests. Say her name often during conversation. Everyone LOVES to hear their name repeated.

    Join a club where you can meet people who share your interests.

    Be the first person to take the initiative and say, "So do you want to grab a beer this weekend?"

    By changing a few simple things about your approach in life and with people, I really believe that you will be successful.

    I'm sorry you have been ill though. That itself can be extremely stressful.

    Welcome to the forum and I hope you find what you need here.
  3. wiener_bur

    wiener_bur Member

    This is the problem, I have no interests whatsoever except to get healthy, have clear skin and be able to get a girl. I don't care about cars, money or any activities. In the past I was a good basketball player, had good grades, fuck I won a scholarship to a good university and was gonna play ball there, but all this shity things I went through made me lose it. Now I don't care about one damn thing.

    And as for being initiated, I'm always the first one to talk to people, talk in a group etc. but I have very little oppurtunity to do this since the only thing I do is walk around on the street all day and do nothing and approach a girl whenever I can but nothing ever happens. And if my acne comes back now I won't even be able to do that.
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    weiner_bur I'm here buddy also to listen and help as much as I can let me reassure you that thing's can get back on track they may and will take time but thing's will happen.I know what it's all about so I do understand alway's her mate for you.
  5. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Well acne at least is curable, so don't despair because of that. I cannot really give advice on picking girls, because, well, I was never succesfull at that either. Not that I can't pick a girl but I was not able to get a girl I liked. Anyway, one strategy is to get a hobby where you meet girls, such as take dancing lessons, or something where people gather together to do things.
  6. Wormling

    Wormling Well-Known Member

    Hello and sorry to hear about your problems. I can sympathize with you for I too have trouble socially. There is a book that I have that has helped me some in talking with people, and having bought it, read it quite a few times, and trying to follow what it says, i have actually improved somewhat. It is called "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by I beleieve Dale Carnagie. It was originally intended as a helpful book for salespeople and is pretty old, but it is helpful in many aspects of ones life. I HIGHLY recommend you reading it at least once. It is not a cure all, but it may just be able to help you some. Wish you luck, Wormling
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    wiener,Can you see a dermatolist?I remember having severe acne first it was my forehead and then it changed to my face and and neck area I took med's for it year's ago and saw a dermatologist.I'm not bad now but have some scarring,it's not that noticeable really.
  8. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    You know a lot of very sexy girls can be bought for money. Get some money.
  9. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    My doctor told me acne is a sign of good testosterone levels.
  10. wiener_bur

    wiener_bur Member

    Well it ain't just the acne and the girls, although my relapse of acne definitely exploded me. It's on top my bad throat illness which has the docs baffled, I just don't know what to do and where to go in life and all of this constantly fucks my head 24/7 and makes me feel tons of pain. Plus seeing how many people out there are happy and go places and have fun makes me even more miserable.
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