I'm nearing on 21 and am a guy. Ever since being a teenager my life went to shit but it wasn't till around my 19s I started to become very suicidal and depressed. I have a history of some really shit health and mental problems and bad acne to make me more miserable. My past has been very painful, but right now I'm in crisis. In the past I had a bad anxiety problem around females which I mostly overcome now but that didn't help much either. I only had sex one time to date a few months ago and that was with an escort which was really dull and I don't want to get one again. I get girl's phone numbers from time to time, the reason since I don't have a job right now and can't keep one, and have no friends and no contact with anybody whatsoever, I have no oppurtunity to really meet people, so my only way to meet girls is on the street and most of the time that's hard since most girls are afraid to meet random guys on the street. I may have not much anxiety around them but my conversation skills to get them suck but once in a while I get a phone number but it doesn't get passed that. Either she don't pick up, she can't ever make it on a date, sees that my conversations are kinda boring since many times I just dunno what to say etc. I'm already getting used to this, and this happened every single time!! As of now I'm suffering from another health problem again!! This time some really bad throat problems for about a year. Went to the doc said it's reflux and I thought well this will be easy to treat but ever since then I been struggling like crazy, I'm on tons of reflux medication and still can't recover. Been to numerous docs and rules out several conditions and still shit, I'm so depressed about this I just dunno what to do. I finished about a year ago a medication called Accutane which can cure many people's acne or clear you for a long time but it's harsh to take. Finally I got my skin back after all those years, and on top I'm a really good-looking guy, girls defintely notice that, how many times I get compliments that I look like a model on the front page magazine but still my inexperience don't get me nowhere. But my clear skin and good-looks gave me the strength to hang in and made me a 100 times more confident around girls but now it seems that my acne is slowly coming back again, my clear skin was probably the only thing that kept me going. Accutane made me broke out even more during the whole 8 months I was on it until I finally cleared, I can't just pop it again. Although a second course usually does the trick but still it doesn't mean a dermatoligist will just give it to me, he may make me try all those useless creams and antibiotics which never got me nowhere and like I said that medication was a tough ride, I wore ugly long hair and beard over my face for about a damn year waiting on the day I'll be clear. I'm almost 21, not a fucking teenager, I'm embarrassed as fuck to have acne at this age!! My suicide reason, can't get a girl, I saw all those pretty girls on the street and know I can't get that and many times I see really hot girls with some ugly guys but they got it, I can't. My throat makes me feel shitty everyday and I'm sick of all these doctors. My acne is coming back, one and only thing that kept me going was my good-looks and clear skin and I'm about to be robbed from the last thing I had left. I was never able to achieve my manhood, my self-image was always plagued, my health always in trouble, loneliness and boredom that drives me nuts, don't know what to do the whole day. Always wanted to go to college or do something but couldn't because of the misery upon misery I had to go through. I'm losing it, for the past several days I been shaking on the street almost ready to jump of the root or under a train track but just can't. What now, what to do please help, I got no one to talk to.