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Please can die now?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WhyMeWhy, Feb 26, 2008.

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  1. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I feel so horrid, life is horrid, there's noone here to help me. People only expect more & more + it's all take, no give. There's nothing left in me. Nothing left to look forward to. Nothing left to live for. I keep thinking of setting myself on fire. I wonder what's stopping me.... lack of gasoline probably. Don't bother replying. No one cares anyway.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you say there's noone to help you, but we'll be here. please keep posting.
    you don't have to give in to the urges,
  3. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    Thank you dazzle. Everyone lives with their own pain, so no one can understand mine or it's severity. Words fail me........ I wish such pain upon no one. And I can't live with it, it's killing me. No one knows what I'm going through. And your all too wrapped up in your own problems to really connect with the way I'm feeling, it all boils down to how I'm treated by life. The cold fact is there is nothing you can do about that. I must bear the wieght of my world alone, and one day the wieght will become too heavy, crushing me underneath it. I don't know how much longer I can hold on, I really don't. :(
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    it's true in a way, we all suffer alone, but consider this: many of us have traveled deeply in despair and hopelessness. we'd not be here otherwise.

    i guess, in the end, i felt that if i kept my secrets, and my shame, inside of me one day longer they would kill me. so i told. probably the hardest thing i've done but it's keeping me alive to fight another day.

  5. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I think I can understand your pain pretty well, as it looks like I have been through the same stuff than you (by reading your previous posts). I don't know whether that would help or not, but you can always talk to me if you need/want to
  6. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    Re: Please can I die now?

    Thank you trux. How odd tho:

    When I 1st joined SF it were the senior members offering me kind words. Now it appears to be the other way around! :laugh: I won't be sending you any sob-story PMs though, that's not my style. I don't even know if I can talk to anyone, seriously. I've been silent for so long that's the way I live now. Just bottle everything up & try to forget it, that's me. And I don't get around to welcoming new members much due to forgetfulness.

    Welcome trux

    I wish you a better time in life than I'm having. :yes:
  7. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I think it would help if you didn't keep all your bad memories to yourself. That's what I did, during 8 long years, and whenever I thought I had let them all behind me they just kept coming back stronger. I can't say for sure that I'm feeling much better now that I've told people about my story (mostly from this board), probably because I'm still trying to forget the darkest parts of my life, but at least it makes me feel a bit less alone.

    Thanks for the welcome btw
  8. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Please don't do anything WhyMeWhy. I'd miss my fellow metalhead drug lover!!:eek:hmy:
  9. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    Re: Please can I die now?

    Honestly, I would love to get a PM with your sob-story, if your willing to share. Yes it’s true that I can’t make a miracle happen and change your situation, but sometimes having someone who cares listening to you is all it takes. And I definitely care.

    Maybe I might have a few suggestions on what you can do to help yourself get better. There have been several times when I've talked to my best friend and I thought there was no hope. He had suggestions that I never thought of. It helped me stick around for a little bit longer.

    I don’t know what your situation is or what you've been through. But I most definitely know the pain your situation has caused you. I feel it every single day. Hang in there.
  10. Sylvester

    Sylvester Member

    I empathize, of course with this question. I asked it to my psychiatrist last Friday, and I have asked my parents back in November, and my ex-, too.
    They all said they would prefer that I not do it.

    If I really get physically ill, euthanasia may be a possibility. But the vicissitudes of life - well, they can gnaw at you. But the trouble of ending it all involves so much energy, that is can pretty much equal a method for preventing yourself from making a mess of things.

    Here are tricks I have used, and learned:
    1. Move. Just pack up what you can and move. (that is for a really, strong case) The song, "Gotta Move. Gotta get out" (sung by Barbra Streisand was my inspiration many years ago for that coping technique)

    2. If you have money, just go somewhere. I one day went to a lecture, got so sick that I went to to the bus terminal and bought a one-way ticket to San Francisco (from NY). I had about 25 dollars, and a credit card.
    No meds, including medically necessary ones. I was awake all the way to Des Moines, Iowa, where I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired, could not sleep (no meds), and I couldn't face the other half of the USA on a slow bus. So a friend booked me a flight back to NY, from Iowa.
    It was less drama than an overdose. And my mood, while strange, was changed.

    3. Eat yourself to oblivion. I did this today. I got really odd, because I'm on a new med. I forced myself to walk in public, over 30 blocks, and I had some treats that were not too unhealthy. A vegan slice of fruit pie. Some fig bars, 3 boxes of raspberries (at 99 cents - a food stamp bargain!).

    I walked really fast and hard, with my cane, neuropathy notwithstanding.
    I made sure I was good and winded. I beat everyone on the sidewalk - a man on a mission. My mission was to generate some endorphins, and to change the scenery. I walked through part of Central Park.

    4. last one - I promise. My MD told me this:
    Plan your suicide if you must, but promise that you will not act it out for 24 hours. 24 hours is time to think of all the things that need to be taken care of, and what sort of music you want at your fete - you know - distractions.
    Well, you have to go to sleep. That is part of the deal. Take one pill for sleep. And the next day, see if you still feel that way.

    If it is stronger, off to the hospital. No need to gesture. Just tell them that you think you might hurt yourself.
    This way, you get the help you may need, without the crummy after-effects of an attempt. Do you really want to drink all that activated charcoal?

    I hope this helps. My own walk did me some good.

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